How can I deal with intense social anxiety so I can get on with living?

Check out the http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1572244135/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/. It'll give you some background information on anxiety, and give you a start on cognitive-behavioral therapy. (I've found CBT to be ridiculously effective in deaing with anxiety, and one of its great advantages is that it's very easy to do on your own.) Good luck!

Two tips from one who's mostly put his social anxiety behind him: 1) Quit caffeine; it probably doesn't cause your anxiety, but it almost certainly magnifies it. 2) Exercise. I know it's boring, but if you get good and exhausted three or four times a week, you'll be flooded with all kinds of happy neurotransmitters. Your mood and your confidence will rise accordingly. Ultimately, books and tapes didn't do much to help me, perhaps because -- like I've noticed lots of smart folks with anxiety/depression doing -- I wallowed under the idea that my anxiety was the result of my perspicacity about how existentially terrifying the world really is. And, though meds did help, they also sapped me of my curiosity and energy, which isn't tolerable for long. I think the trial-and-error process of finding out what works for you will bolster your confidence and ensure that you come out the other side a stronger, more courageous person. Best of luck to you.

I find my social anxiety ramps up if I'm separately anxious about something else. So if I'm justifiably anxious about something, I'll end up not able to even go to playgroup or have coffee with friends. My best friend is outgoing and wonderful and extroverted, but if she's worried or scared about anything she rarely leaves the house. In other words, is there something else bugging you? I was having massive issues until I worked out what the real problem was - then I could work on that, which freed up a bit of the anxiety. I still have it, but my usual methods for dealing will work now.

I understand that you are taking meds and have had panic attacks- both of which I have no experience with. That said, here are my two cents. I have read the following books which deal with anxiety of some sort- 1. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0380810336/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/ 2. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0275990893/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/ 3. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/157230135X/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/ 4. http://www.guidetopsychology.com/sysden.htm I think it really doesn't matter why or what kind of anxiety you have- there is bound to be something in these books that you can work with. For instance, I like the CALM technique mentioned in 3, it can be applied to non-IBS situations just as well. Its all about thinking of things in a certain way, and becoming aware of your self-talk- conscious or not. I haven't seriously tried 4. And I still have bouts of anxiety but I am still working on it. Some of the things I have picked up from here or there have helped, all of which I have mentioned here. Other things that help- 1. Quit caffeine- in any form. Absolutely, no caffeine after lunch. 2. Watch what you eat. Think caveman- try to minimize processed foods, esp if you have allergies or sensitive GI. 3. Exercise, exercise and exercise. Pick something you really enjoy and start slow if you haven't been doing this. Even if you start once a week, you will feel better. 4. Deep, abdominal breathing. I do this at bedtime. Lie on the back with hands on the belly- feel your belly go up as you inhale and down as you exhale. You can also count while you breathe. The number of counts on inhalation are less than that for exhalation when you first start. (they are supposed to even out as you practice more and breathe properly on a more regular basis). I aim to count till 20 esp when I can't sleep. So far the technique hasn't failed to knock me out- so it does work for relaxation. According to Book #2, you can also think of your breath as a rail- sometimes when you slip on the stairs, you just manage to get hold of the rails and don't fall. Your breath is your rail and you always have it with you. Hold on to it when you need to, and hang in there. For me, realising that majority of people have issues/anxieties of some sort never fails to make me feel better. Talking helps but if there is no one to talk to, it helps to listen to other people's problems and realise that they are going through the same things you may have in the past. No one thing has worked to completely rid my anxiety but I use things from different sources and try to figure out what works best for me. And that usually helps. Also, practicing the techniques you learn, from where ever, is just as important. Hang in there!

One more point- I keep going to work, and meeting up with friends, realizing that avoidance will just make the anxiety worse. But how is exposure supposed to help when I continue to experience severe anxiety and reinforce my fears? While avoidance isn't a solution, you have to learn a coping strategy while you keep exposing yourself, so that you can practice it when you face the anxiety on subsequent exposures. See #4 above.