I need serious help making friends.

I'm moved by your question. One suggestion: Don't think about yourself at all when you're with people, don't try to guess what impression you're making, don't try to make any impression at all. Pay attention only to the other person and the topic, be interested in him or her, and try to have something to say about it (the topic) without reference to yourself. Take it completely outside yourself. That's hard, I know, under the circumstances. But focus on the process (conversation, learning, getting to know the other person), not on the goal of getting something for yourself. Let yourself be interested, not self-interested. At the least, you'll have good conversations.

You are aware of your conversational patterns and how your reflexive "and you?" is cutting people off and maybe curtailing the natural flow. It's good that you know this and you're working on it, but I'd like to suggest another way of thinking about this: rather than making conversation, think about making connections. That is, find something in what the other person is saying that is meaningful to you, and let the other person find the same thing in what you're saying. This may sound elementary and I do not mean to patronize you, but the way you were describing your conversations made it seem like a ping-pong game, like you want to hit the ball back over the net as fast as you can. It's courteous to pass the ball back and forth, of course, but it's also okay to hold the ball for a few moments and pass it back to the other person when the other person is ready for it. It's that readiness that you need to be looking for. Believe it or not the other person may not have the conversation all planned out and might be hoping that you'll say something to spark a common interest. I say this because your comfort in conversation will always be a part of your friendships and social interactions. I think increasing your confidence in this area and developing your rhythm will help you greatly as you work on building lasting relationships. Genuine interest, empathy, and a sense of humor make this process work. I know you can do it because your writing here is perceptive and sincere.

I agree with other people who said that friendships take time: more time than you think, and more time than it sounds like you've been letting it take. My experience is that when a person joins an established group regularly (for lunch or whatever) it takes months-to-years before they truly become integrated and get invited to everything. You can speed that up by doing the inviting yourself: invite the whole group, hold parties, etc. Make sure the thing you invite them to do is something they would want to participate in (e.g. going to hear a band that you know THEY like, not just one that YOU like), and then do stress if not everyone shows. Even if one or two people out of ten come along, that helps strengthen the bonds. In my experience people classify "friends" based on what they do with them. I have my work buddies, who I'll eat lunch with, my old friends who I invite to parties, my drinking buddies, who I will go out with on a Friday night. Some of these groups overlap, but not by much, and for someone to move from the "lunch buddy" class to being someone who I would think to invite to a party either takes time, or some event that throws us together out of work (e.g. they invite ME somewhere). One more thing: I don't know if this is your problem or not, but it can be really draining to hang out with someone who is really down on themselves. If a friend is miserable/depressed/self-loathing for a time, sure, I'll try and help them get through it, but if that is all my interactions with them centres around for months on end, it's honestly not much fun, and I'll start avoiding hanging out with them. I know that sucks, because you can't help it if you are depressed (been there, done that), but it's something that might help EXPLAIN what is going on. Oh, and finally: it might help to think about whether the people you meet are introverts or extroverts. It sounds like you are an extrovert, and you might have more luck trying to befriend other extroverts, who see hanging out with friends as the "default", and time spent alone as not so awesome. They are more likely to accept your invites, and not be shy to include you even if they don't know you well. Introverts are more likely to see socialising (with ANYONE, not just you) as a chore, and will only do it when they have a lot of energy, even if they like you fine in principle. They will take longer to befriend and might be more likely to flake. </ wild generalisation >

Kiddo, you are putting way too much pressure on yourself and other people way too early in the getting-to-hang-out stage of things.

5) They'll accept but then flake (I've had this happen so many times I lost count). I'll ask him what happened/if I did something wrong, they'll say no but flake again whenever I ask. I'll stop asking. I would run, RUN from someone who asked me if they did something wrong if I missed meeting with them. As annoying as flaky people are, it is actually a really heavy question to lay on someone who you just made a casual plan with on Facebook. It makes you sound desperate, in the sense that you put way more meaning on this meetup than they do. It also makes this newly-met person feel like they're possibly going to have to assure you that you didn't do anything wrong for any little thing that comes up. No one wants to immediately jump into a high-maintenance friendship. College students flake for many reasons that should not be taken personally.

Having loads of friends is overrated... they're also hard work to maintain. That being said, friends are great to have around when the going gets tough. Me? I'm a loner by nature. That doesn't mean I'm unfriendly or that making friends is difficult for me. I have loads of online friends whom I rarely (if ever) see in person. I have a handful of acquaintances that I talk to when I run into them, a few friends whom I spend time with when we "find the time", and one or two close friends that I can count on to be there when I truly need them. This is the perfect set up for me. But there was a time when I had no friends. None at all. I wore your shoes for a long time, and it sucked. The important thing is - be comfortable with yourself and other people will be comfortable with you. That means if you're a nervous person, accept that you're a nervous person and don't worry about how that affects the people around you - there are millions of nervous people in the world. Some people accept nervous people and others don't. Those that do will be friends with you. Those that don't will either be acquaintances or not be in your social circle. But being comfortable with who you are is the most difficult part. It took me years to accept who I am. Now that I have, making friends is A LOT easier.

we'll run into each other at Popular Hangout, chat again, they'll invite me to sit with their group, and I will for maybe a week or so but then I'll become one of those people the group lets tag along but doesn't include (like someone inviting everyone to a concert while I'm sitting there but failing to invite me, them talking about a party they all went to I wasn't invited to, etc.) Eventually gave up on the lunchmate thing alltogether and ate alone. Am I following you correctly that within a week or so of starting to spend time with these groups, you give up on them because you conclude that you're "one of those people the group lets tag along but doesn't include"? And you draw this conclusion based on the fact that this group of folks (who likely have known eachother for quite some time and have just met you) sometimes go to parties or concerts with eachother but not you? In the first couple weeks they've known you? Making friends is hard for me too, and I have the tendency to worry/assume that others think the worst of me/don't like me and to over-analyze their words and actions. So I think I know where you're coming from on this. If I'm right that you find yourself very quickly in thinking "Oh my God, they don't like me, I can tell what they're thinking, I'm not wanted here, this is awful and embarrassing and awkward, I've got to get away from these people"-- see if you can ride out those feelings a little longer. Give them the chance to get to know you and start thinking of you as part of their group of friends before you give up on them.

It sounds like you're trying too hard, ie making getting and keeping friends your goal rather than just having fun for its own sake. You don't mention hobbies. People who have similar interests will almost certainly start getting together socially. Figure out what you like to do outside the house, then join a group that does that thing. Lastly, be aware that most of your pals will be fair-weather friends. Most people don't have more than 2-3 good friends, and lots of people they know who might do something with them if it's convenient.

3) Usually FB add 4) FB chat for a bit then I'll ask if they want to hang out at whatever the popular hangout is at the college (usually getting lunch at the dining hall) 5) They'll accept but then flake (I've had this happen so many times I lost count). I'll ask him what happened/if I did something wrong, they'll say no but flake again whenever I ask. I'll stop asking. #5? Don't do that. Don't ask if you did something wrong. Asking what happened is perfectly fine, but remember - at this stage you are just getting to know one another, and you've just learned something. You've learned, at the least, that this person doesn't take commitments that they make on facebook seriously. It may also be that they don't take commitments seriously, period. It is not really a reflection on you. Honest. Really-o truly-o. When they flake - since it seems to be a when rather than an if, instead throw the ball back in their court, if you're still interested in hanging out. Say something along the lines of "hey, sorry we missed each other the other day. Let me know when you're up for hanging out." Meetup.com, never attended any since they were mostly for middle-aged people. Try to be open-minded. You're looking here for people to hang out with, who hopefully will become friends (what's your definition of 'friends', btw? There are wildly varying ways to view the word, after all, which is often part of the problem with it. Speaking as a 33 year old lady who could probably be classified as a housewench (and therefore boring by a whole lot of people's standards) I am interesting, quirky, and a pretty awesome friend, despite being older than you. ;) If I met someone at a college ice breaker we'd usually exchange numbers, they'd invite me out to a few things or vice versa, but eventually they'd become too "busy" to do anything and/or would stop replying to my texts. Again, keep in mind that they may actually be too busy. College was a crazy time for me, and my schedule was insane. When people say they're too busy, don't flood them with texts - instead, just throw the ball in their court, and be sure to mention that you understand how things can be. Craigslist was my doing; I met one person who invited me out and would always follow through, but we didn't click well as friends and a lot of the conversation felt stilted. We hung out maybe five times or so. Ok, so keep trying! That sounds like a partial success - you felt awkward around each other, but there was follow-through. Was there interest? I mean, were you interested in this person and did they seem to be interested in you? OKC was likely my fault as well; I made a profile specifying friends ONLY, but every single 'friend' I made from that site stopped talking to me once they found a significant other. So prob. my fault for using OkCupid to try to make friends. ~pokes~ Don't do that. The "likely my fault" thing. Not productive. Anywho, OkCupid can be really great for meeting friends and activity partners, but you do have to slog through people who don't bother to actually read what you put on your profile. That's ok - you don't want to hang out with illiterates anyway, right? Be kind of proactive there, too - answer lots of questions, and don't hesitate to write to other people, particularly people who ALSO are only looking for activity partners or friends to hang out with. This often leads to interruptions which might be part of the problem. Asking questions is good! Interrupting - not so good. Definitely try to work on this - practice patience. Remember that part of your goal is to find people you are interested in, and to do that you've got to listen to what they're saying and show interest in them, so that they'll be willing to open up. When you spot yourself interrupting, stop, make a little gesture and say "sorry about that. I got a little ahead of myself. You were saying?" or just "Ah, sorry, please continue!". That lets the other person know that you noticed that they were trying to talk, and smooths over any weirdness arising from the interruption. Things I would suggest: have patience. Yeah, yeah, how long does that take, right? But seriously. Have patience with other people, and have patience with yourself. You really, really, really want this, but that means it's worth the wait and some work. You really are doing well, especially considering how rough you've had it in the past. Also, absolutely do things you enjoy and try new things. Join a book club. Go to a mefi meetup. Try a new hobby - a pottery class, or a gaming group, or something. Anything. I have no idea what your interests are - and maybe you're still figuring it out. You'll meet people you click with when you do stuff you enjoy, plus you'll be doing enjoyable things. At this point, you know you like hanging out with people, but doing something is good. Hanging out and having conversations into the wee hours happens a lot easier and more often when you have a base of stuff to work from. Best of luck!