Find solution
How Many Weeks Left Until Christmas?

Family Christmas

  • Christmas with parents or with friends? Wohoo. Long explanation. Background: My parents have a very erratic relationship. When I feel snappy I describe them as two divorcees that live together. Since we moved to Spain and even before my mom has always seemed on the verge of leaving and the one thing, according to her, keeping her was the children and, after my brother left, me. After I too left she stayed then semi-left two years later, getting a flat in England. She has never spent more than two weeks in that flat before going back down to Spain to be with my Dad, then returning again and, having told me that she would be staying for good, going back down. Repeat cycle. Not too long ago I met up with her while she was in England and she said that this Christmas would happen in the UK with my Dad coming up. She also said she wanted to try living by herself and she wouldn't be leaving England for a while. Next I get an email from my Dad saying that my Mom has come back down to Spain and will be spending Christmas there. I told my Dad I've already arranged to spend Christmas with some friends (which is true) because I thought Christmas would be in the UK. He said there's a ticket to Spain for me or they could come up. Now my problem's twofold: I don't want to spend Christmas with my parents (I don't know what they're up to and I don't want to get involved) and I feel like a horrible human being (but Christmas is for the family!) Other side info: my brother won't be with us on the 25th whatever happens so it will be me and my parents with no buffer zone. Do I shallow my apprehensions and give my parents a nice Christmas?

  • Answer:

    Hey Dad, Since Dearbrother won't be there anyway, and since I'm going to be fine spending Christmas with my dear friends Janine (she bakes the most wonderful chestnut baclava) and Kristov (who is cozy, nurturing, safe, and nonthreatening in a way complementary to Janine), why don't you and Mom spend Christmas somewhere romantic, just the two of you? Maybe Tenerife? I talked to Dearbrother, and he thinks that would be a great idea, and if the two of you could just be happy it would be the best gift you could possibly, ever, ever, give us. You could go for long walks, stare at the ocean, maybe go deep-sea fishing, and Mom could finally take that kayak eco-tour she's always talking about. (I'll even help you out by finding some good restaurants for you to take her to, wherever you go. Maybe even a show. With my Internet friends, you know I'm clever like that). [optional bonus section] Dearbro and I have taken the liberty of finding and arranging payment with a brilliant counselor near you, and it would make us extremely happy if you and Mom would meet with this person to help plan where you could vacation together. What do you think? We'll all be together for Bean Day [note: January 6] as usual, even if we miss January 3rd's Festival of Sleep day. I know I'll be thinking about you both, and I promise to call Mom (and you) on Christmas morning! Please consider this. It would mean the world to me, and to Dearbro. Love, Filianonyma

anonymous at Ask.Metafilter.Com Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

You are not a horrible human being for choosing to spend a pleasant Christmas with friends instead of with your crazy parents. Please enjoy your pleasant Christmas with friends.

not that girl

Friends.

Faint of Butt

Go where the love is.

hermitosis

Do what makes you happy. You sound like you're past the age where you are obliged to do what your parents want; if you would rather spend Christmas with your friends, simply tell your parents (politely) that you have already made rather final plans and would prefer not to back out of them. Say you're sorry you can't accommodate them this time (since it sounds like you genuinely are sorry), and maybe, if you mean it and you feel it might help to assuage the guilt, offer a non-holiday visit as an alternative, once things are a little more settled (but only if you actually want to go!) I'm sure a phone call or a Skype/Gizmo videochat for half an hour or so on the day itself might also be appreciated. Christmas is for the family, sure, but there are all kinds of definitions of "family," and the word is definitely big enough to include good friends, not just people biologically related to you.

WidgetAlley

I vote no. You're an adult and living your own life, and your parents have to understand that you no longer have to put up with their ever-changing whims. (Your brother seems to have figured that out.) You made plans to be in the UK with friends already, so I say you should go through with those plans. If your parents insist on coming up, maybe you can spend the 26th with them, or something like that.

cabingirl

It won't be a nice Christmas for them if you don't want to be there. You already made plans, it's not your fault they changed their minds. Enjoy Christmas with your friends. Visit your parents for Easter or something like that. They will be fine.

amethysts

Friends. You'll spend 95% of your Christmases with family, anyway. Try something else.

rokusan

Happy Holidays are a wonderful thing!

MiffyCLB

You have the Metafilter permission to spend a peaceful Christmas with your *chosen* family (friends). Your biological family will probably change the location two or three more times by then anyway... who needs that kind of stress?

MuChao

Load more

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.