If my rapist comes after me again, is there any legal weapon (other than a gun) that will stop him?

Do you have a picture of him? Go door to door to your neighbors in your apartment building with a flyer of his picture and explain what is going on and ask for their assistance in letting you know in advance if they think they see him. Explain that he is dangerous and has threatened you, and that you need all the help you can get for protection. The same at work - let your supervisor know that you have a domestic violence issue and that you just want to give everyone a head's up about a potential trouble-maker. If you were my neighbor and didn't know you, I'd hug you, give you my cell phone number, and tell you that you don't have to be alone, that others are willing to help you. Try not to do this alone. People care and if you ask for help, you will get it. I repeat. PEOPLE CARE.

"There's not enough evidence to charge him with my rape--I waited months, never got a rape test, he was in my apartment with me, no witnesses--whatever," I think your motive for reporting this to the police is courageous and selfless and truly honorable. I don't know what you mean "there's not enough evidence to charge him" I'm not a lawyer, but I believe a formal testimony is enough to charge him, charging someone with rape doesn't require a lot of evidence in California. Whether it makes it to trial and conviction is another story. The record of a charge would carry more weight than just a report. But pursuing such a thing does require far more effort than it should. I can't advise you on that. As with some other things, the effort itself may be self-empowering, I'm not sure for you, in part because I don't know you or your circumstances among other things. And there are people more knowledgeable in these things than I am. I do suspect, in part because of your own suspicions but mostly because of what you've described, that he may be a serial rapist. That is just a suspicion. As to self-defense: "I feel like I have no choice but to get a gun. Please help me think of another option." Shotguns are excellent for home defense. The question there is whether you are philosophically ok with seriously harming (perhaps killing) someone. I would decide that now. In a calm, rational state. Because if you train - whether you train with your hands or with a firearm - you will respond not with your ethics or your heart but with the training. Let me get the gun stuff out of the way. http://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2694798 posted my earlier comment on firearms. Some exceptions - that comment was for comparative options for a general home intruder. Your guy would be considered "motivated." I would not use anything but lethal ammunition. You're petite, but if you can get away with a larger gauge do it. With proper technique there's no reason why you couldn't shoot a .20 gauge. (A Remington 870 is a decent starter model and they make a tactical .20 gauge (7 shot, you're going to want to keep shooting), you can get one with a recoil compensation stock (Knoxx is ok) for under $600. Slugs are good if you're in tight. #3 buck would slow someone down too.) Under California law you can get a permit to carry a concealed firearm (or other weapon) if you have “good cause.” Coupled with a restraining order (http://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2696000's excellent advice) and a rape charge, that might be good cause. You can, ashttp://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2694636 said, carry tear/pepper gas, etc Although again, I believe you can carry a firearm in CA under certain circumstances. I'm not big on handguns (apart from larger ones). I still call them "sidearms." But there are some defensive options there. I don't like sprays or electricity. (My crew and I used to taser each other to see who could stand it the longest and we put pepper spray on our tamales.) Effectiveness is debatable. I do like the sprays with the dye markers. Gives police a big heads up on who to look for. That might be after the fact. Not to sound morbid. There is some latitude here. In most things I'm pretty laid back. Hell, almost everything really. When it comes to interpersonal violence I'm fastidious and precise. So my tolerances are pretty narrow. That doesn't refute anything said above. But what I'll put my life on is thinner than "works 99% of the time." Speaking broadly, in terms of hardware - what you're doing is trying to gain time to make another move to get more time and/or gain control of a situation. So what is effective varies, in part by what you might be trying to do and what you're capable of, but also on the time your surroundings allot you. So think in terms of budget. If you shoot and kill someone (in self-defense), there's little question you have all the time in the world after the fact, you can afford to wait for the police. Sprays, tasers, you start to have variables in time. Ok, I pepper spray him, I have 'x' time to move away to a safe distance to call the police (given he's neutralized for 'x'). Hand to hand combat, same deal (given you don't cripple or kill him). You injure his groin or windpipe you have a larger time product for evasion than if you knock him to the floor. I'm sorry to take up so much time with this as it seems almost academic given you want options other than firearms but it's important to look at both sides of the equation and you can walk around with a concealed weapon, legally, given you do the documentation. However this is, as I think many people have pointed out obliquely or otherwise, more about software than (weapon) hardware. I'm smart and rational, and have been on my own for 10 years. These are the most dangerous weapons at your disposal. Everything you need is right there in that sentence. There is the street smart advice that http://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2694572, etc, mentioned - alter your routine, moving isn't a bad idea if you can afford it financially and emotionally (and get a dog), video camera, talk to the police about security, get involved in a rape crisis center and talk to them about security, dead man switch phone calls, etc. Definitely begin self-defense training but the benefit there isn't adding to your defensive arsenal, it's the change in mindset. He really needs this to go away, and he'll know the only one that can make it all magically go away is me. I could not agree more with http://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2694782 on the point that you cannot learn to hit or hit back so hard you can eliminate danger. It's not what you can deliver, it's what you can take and keep going. This is also why my advice on firearms is both irrelevant and at the heart of the matter. Killing is more than ending someone's life. Can you end the threat they hold to you? Ending someone's life is the most expedient, and too often the only way to do this. However you do have options. More importantly you know you have options. And most importantly, you are seeking them. This gives you a world of advantage over him. No hyperbole there. He's all alone, you have all the advantage. He's committed himself to a course that he cannot change, you have a variety of options. You know what he is and what he's done, you and your future actions remain unknown to him. According to the FBI (I'm thinking of Hazelwood and Burgess, but the information is applicable) the amount of force used during a rape provides insight into the motivations of the rapist and in the main, minimal force (that is technically speaking "minimal" as in non-injurious forced used for intimidation purposes) is used. Conversation also tends to be minimal and used to intimidate. In this case, and in many other cases, rapists don't employ many specific behaviors in order to preclude detection; they tend to have other means of avoiding detection. In some cases social pressure and, again, intimidation. So - your primary enemy is intimidation. Whatever threat this individual poses to you physically, his main weapon is intimidation. And that is also his weakness. You are smart and rational. This alone poses the greatest threat to him. You've been on your own for 10 years, that means you know your environment. The key element in winning any battle is knowing the terrain. You do need to understand your situation better. Knowledge is power. I'll start from first principles: you are supported and protected by a vast network of friends and allies. The people here alone, strangers you may perhaps never meet in person, have extended their hands to help you. You have 10,000+ years of growth in codified law and a system in place designed to protect and support you. You millions of years of evolution saying 'protect female' behind you. I can't tell you how badly I would like to put this guy and everyone like him in the ground. There are plenty of people who feel the same. And there are laws on the books for that reason. And we pay taxes for law enforcement for that reason. You see, you do have many fathers and brothers to protect you. You are absolutely not alone. We are the reason people like him hide themselves. We're on your side, not his. Plenty of us see our mothers or sisters or daughters in you. HE'S the one that should be afraid. HE'S the aberration. HE'S the one in YOUR world. Until you make that change in your mindset no amount of training or hardware will help you. From there you're free to make any tactical/security decision you like. You will have gained the initiative rather than reacting from a position with diminishing options. Please know I hold you in high regard, but the terms you have used indicate you are in retreat (for example "no choice" etc.) This is not at all intended to be a criticism. Very rarely do people have to think in these terms and the most common response is to avoid conflict. For whatever reason. And with that goes the loss of initiative. Unfortunately there is this equation of initiative with violence. Typically though, if you have and maintain the initiative, you will have control of a situation and things will only get violent if you choose that or if you lose the initiative (and lose control). So - go on the offensive. Make him run for cover and look to retreat. It will allow you more options. As to how - again, some people have alluded to method - http://ask.metafilter.com/187169/If-my-rapist-comes-after-me-again-is-there-any-legal-weapon-other-than-a-gun-that-will-stop-him#2694588 mentioned circulating photos of him to neighbors. That's an excellent way to use your environment to your advantage. Document everything. Do what you can legally. Use social pressure to your advantage. Think about his habits, his friends, who might be sympathetic to you? Does he have people who don't like him? Why don't they like him? Does he have ex-girlfriends? Do they have any advice or anything to say? What does he know about you? When might he attack you? Can he get away from work? Do you know people at his work? If you are uncomfortable with carrying a gun, there's still no reason not to get a permit. If he thought you had a gun and were willing and able to use it, would he back off? If not, why not? You can afford to be visible and open. He can't. In fact the more visible and high profile you are, the safer you are. He, on the other hand, can't stand under that scrutiny. You have nothing to hide. He does. And again, he's not the threat. The intimidation he's trying to use is. Really, physical force hasn't ensured victory since the human brain started expanding, much less since Samuel Colt. Humans trapped and killed tigers before firearms, you can figure out how to neutralize his physical threat. Do not allow him to beguile you into thinking that is the only factor. Violence is rarely the answer. When it is, yes, it's the only answer. But you have already put yourself mentally in the situation of him at the door, you with no time and no options but a gun. If a tiger charged into where I'm at right now ... well, ok, I'm more than prepared. But I'm f'ing crazy compared to most people. As you said, you don't want to live that kind of life. Hell, I don't most of the time, but it's what I'm good at (ah, there's a few good points I guess). What I don't do though is allow that sole situation to dictate my response - whether I'm prepared for it or not. I don't wait for the tiger to charge in the door to get me. I don't allow the tiger to dictate the terms. I find out where the tiger is. I find out where it likes to hunt. How it likes to hide. Then I burn all the tall grass. I destroy the tiger's environment. I destroy his food source. I leave him exposed and hungry without coming anywhere near him and risking myself. And I don't fire even one shot at one tiger, I don't harm any tigers at all - yet the threat of the tiger is gone. What you have, brains, guts, knowledge of your environment, is all you need to do it. Fortunately, you -also- have a wealth of support at your disposal. He on the other hand is completely alone. Despite the illusion, he's the one that's isolated. Don't allow him to trick you into thinking otherwise or thinking you have to do things by rules which benefit him. Because you're right - he needs this to go away. He. Needs. No matter how smart he is or isn't, he has less options than you do - indeed, he's chosen that - and he's only really got the one weapon: intimidation. And you're going to overcome that. By whatever means you choose.

Wow, you're brave. I really commend you. In a tangible way, you're making life better for other women. I don't have an informed opinion on getting a gun, but I agree that you need a restraining order ASAP. Also, can you give your neighbors a heads up? You don't have to say you were raped if you don't want to, you can tell them it's a crazy ex-boyfriend and that they shouldn't hesitate to call police if they hear something. Some people will avoid calling if they hear yelling, figuring it's just some argument that will blow over, so your neighbors need to know that if they see this guy at all, or if they hear any weird noises from your apartment, they need to call 911 immediately. Also also, check in with a friend multiple times a day, and instruct him/her to call the police if she/he doesn't hear from you at the appointed time. Get a backup cell phone in case something happens with your main one, and carry them both at all times. (Bonus: he won't have that number.) Honestly, though, I'd move. Are you ever really going to feel safe in that apartment as long as he's free?

I am terribly sorry this happened to you. I wish I could hug you. But you sound so strong, I'm proud of you as well! Immediate first thought: put a camera in the front hallway of your apartment, in plain view of those entering and the doorway. Have it record to a remote location wirelessly (even to your Dad's computer a few hours away, you can just tell him it is for home security). Then put a big note beside your door that says something like: Under 24/7 video surveillance with remote recording. If what he really wants is to intimidate you into making this "go away", he will understand that being on video entering your apartment will not help his case.

A word on guns: I grew up in a family that owned guns. Not some hillbilly, living out in the country, gun rack on your car family, but a quiet suburban family with a few guns in the house for purposes of home protection. They have never been fired with intent to hurt someone. When my brother and I were young, my dad taught us gun safety. How to approach a gun if you happen to find one, how to check to make sure the safety is on, how to NEVER point it at someone EVER, how to check to see if it's loaded and remove the bullets, etc. He also took us to a shooting range so we'd know how to shoot--for fun and confidence. I don't think owning a gun is right for you. Though I am completely comfortable around guns and would have no (moral or otherwise) trouble operating one if my life or safety were threatened, I have very little interest in owning one. (Not that I could where I live, but that's a separate issue.) If you're not 100% comfortable with the idea of owning a gun (and it sounds like you're not), you should not own a gun. Something I would suggest, though, is finding a shooting range in your area. You can rent a gun and fire off a few rounds safely and supervised. It can be a real confidence booster and can make you feel powerful at a time when you're feeling scared. Just something to think about, along the lines of self defense classes as mentioned above. Good luck, and nthing taking out a restraining order on this guy.

Is moving an option? As a bonus, if you move to another apartment, you might then be able to get a dog.

It's very handy that you live in California actually. My solution to similar things was to get licensed by the state of California for teargas, which I found very effective when, on just one occasion, I got to use it against two guys who tried to beat me with wrenches. The licensing is pretty easy, it's mostly taught by awesome older women, and you get the confidence and training to actually use it, should a particular or a general person try to attack or bother you. It is also non-lethal, which seems important—but highly disabling. I found it much easier to pull the trigger on people with teargas. Even if I were a more experienced shooter, I don't know if I would be able to pull and fire a gun on a city street. Guns are also tricky in California; for instance, you cannot carry within city limits, and they must be locked in cars. Licensed teargas—that, you can take anywhere.

Like everyone else, I'm so sad to hear this happened to you and you have my admiration and compassion. I'm so glad you're thinking through all of these options here. I have some suggestions and I hope at least one of them is helpful. 1) Don't worry about buying a gun right now. Go take shooting lessons and see how you feel about owning and potentially using a gun after that. If you are not going to be comfortable with the idea of shooting to kill, don't buy a gun. 2) Pepper spray and tasers are effective. The shows you've seen where they don't work are specific instances of folks hopped up on meth. If your assailant had a meth problem, you'd likely know. 3) Call the detectives back and ask if there's a community police officer who can give your home a security assessment. Consider installing an alarm system with a panic button if it will make you feel safer. 4) If there is a local rape crisis centre, they may be able to refer you to a local support group. If this is an option, please think about going. You will meet many other women who are facing the same fears you are, and it really helps - both practically and emotionally.

Here's the thing: you probably shouldn't get a gun unless you're willing to use it. Otherwise you risk escalating any potential confrontation without actually gaining any extra protection. If he's willing to rape you, he's already "called your bluff" as it were, and introducing a dangerous weapon into a situation like that sounds like a bad idea unless you are actually willing to shoot the guy. And that may not be something you can know about yourself unless you prepare for it. Simply getting a gun does not actually prepare you to use it to defend yourself, and you really don't sound as if you're ready to do that. More than that though, it sounds to me like what's needed here may not actually be a firearm. If this guy is as big as you say he is, odds are decent that he's going to be able to take a gun away from you almost as easily as a knife. Unless you shoot him in the head or some other critical area, a large, athletic man will not necessarily be stopped by a gunshot, or even necessarily slowed down all that much. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlownAcrossTheRoom People don't instantly fall to the ground, incapacitated, as soon as they take a hit. They may not even know they've been shot for a few minutes. Basically, unless he's dead, which isn't as easy to accomplish as it sounds, there's no rule that says he can't hurt you after you've shot him. It really sounds to me like what you need is martial arts training. A couple of things here. First, most martial arts training teaches a heck of a lot of self-confidence, in addition to any other benefits, and it really sound like some of that might come in handy. Second, martial arts training can't be taken away from you by force, nor can you forget it at home or leave it in your other purse. Third, sufficiently skilled martial artists can successfully take on opponents several times their size, particularly if the goal is to escape or delay rather than to inflict serious bodily injury. So my advice would be to get that restraining order (and then enforce it), and sign up for a martial arts course. It doesn't sound to me a like a gun is the solution to the problems you've described.