How to get my boyfriend to initiate sex?

He's probably just lazy and with you initiating it so often, he is probably spoiled as well. While it'll be hard for you, let him dry out for a few days and see what happens. Word of warning: me and my hubby had sex like rabbits in the beginning, no one really initiated it, it's just all we did. Then things slowed down to once a day, twice a week, once every two weeks, once a month and now I'm pregnant and so it's not happening at all ( so much easier for me to self satisfy). But in those slow periods I ALWAYS initiated. He just doesn't know how to do it, even when he tries he does horribly at it, saying things like "hey babe, wanna have sex". There is absolutely no foreplay or romance. But once I get the balls rolling he feels comfortable with letting his sexier side show through. So the long and short of it is he may never be an initiator and it probably has nothing to do with you. But definitely talk about it, tell him what turns you on and ask him what he wants blah blah blah. Communication is key! And don't be afraid to try new things whether it's more romance, more aggression, more kinky, or more cuddling, don't assume he necessarily liked doing that sex book thing with his ex...maybe it wasn't very good sex or maybe he associates that type of thing with his ex and wants a different type of connection with you, whatever the case may be you'll never know unless you COMMUNICATE. My mans ex did not enjoy sex and so my man was used to sex being a sore subject. So I say, initiate a conversation about it. Let him know how you feel and then back off, don't harp on it, and hold off on initiating sex for a few days and see what happens. Good luck tiger!

How can I get him to initiate sex more? Any ideas on reasons why he doesn't? If he needs sex every three or four days and you need it every day or two, he will never have time to reset before you do. Every time he's just building up to the point where he might go after you, you jump him instead. Try to find out how long he goes before he needs it. But also: novelty and seduction are a big part of desirability for many people. Maybe now that you're a sure thing, a familiar part of the scenery, he isn't as into it, not enough to make him act first. Could you do things that make him feel a bit like he felt when you first got together? Or not. Maybe it's not that you are old hat, but that the things you do together are. He was into lacy lingerie, but now you two have exorcised him of that demon and you need to find out what else possesses him. High heels? Masks? Ropes and handcuffs? Slap and tickle? Ambush? Hot for teacher or naughty schoolgirl? Talking dirty? Exhibitionism? Messy massage? There's almost always something odd lurking in a guy's libido. You could try some that seem possible and aren't against your principles. It would be really useful to find out what kind of porn he likes. Tell him you're going to acquire (buy, rent, download) some porn, damn it, and you want some help picking titles. There's porn for every possible desire. It's just a matter finding out which ones he likes. If you can't get him to choose, choose a variety yourself and try to find out which ones he likes and which ones he doesn't. It's a pretty crude method but I bet it would also be pretty effective.

I think those who say he isn't given a chance to initiate sex because you always beat him to it, may have it. Try to just relax and cool your heels a bit. If 7-10 days go by, and he doesn't initiate, then you have a conversation starter. If he does initiate before that time is up, well, then problem (to some extent) solved, and then the conversation you need to have is about sex drives, frequency, and how you can compromise so both of your needs are met. Also, if you haven't already, you may want to explore ways to be intimate and connect physically that wouldn't necessarily come under the category of "sex."

" this is not his first long term live-in relationship" Perhaps one of your predecessors felt pressured and let him know about it, and he is doing his best to be considerate of you.

He once showed me a sex book an ex had given him and told me that they worked through all the positions, so it frustrates me that doesn't seem interested in even talking about anything sexually adventurous with me. "You did all this stuff with your ex, but you don't seem to want to talk about sex with me. How come?" Honestly, being afraid of the answers does not excuse you from asking tough questions.

This very much reeks of fear of rejection assuming all else in the relationship is fine. With some people it doesn't take too many rejections before they just get passive and wait for the other party to start things. I think usually this takes years rather than months though. It could be many other things such as depression, lack of interest in you (pretty unlikely without other signs, but it must be mentioned), fear of commitment, etc. Nevertheless, the history sounds like fear of rejection. Rejection can be bigger than just hearing no. It can include complaints about performance. Here's a test. As a gift give him a couple of tickets for a bj or sex or some treat, anytime, anywhere, no questions asked, no return favors required, expires in one month, and see whether he redeems them and what happens if he does.

From my own experiences as the guy who was once like your boyfriend, I think MadamM hit the nail on the head. My first adult relationship lasted around 1.5 years, and about half way into it my girlfriend started mentioning that I wasn't initiating. It wasn't even something that I noticed until she brought it up, and even then it was kind of difficult for me to do. Partly because I didn't quite know how to approach it. I was uncomfortable just being blunt and saying "Lets have sex", but I didn't know of any other way. The other part of the problem, as I later realized, was because the girl I had been dating before her told me when we broke up was that I was the one initiating everything. She insinuated that I was the one pushing for everything, not her. The thought of that, I realized, made me really uncomfortable with pushing for what I wanted. That relationship made me apprehensive about later relationships kind of worried that if I initiated I'd be pushing too much or something. Not something that I consciously thought about, but it really made sense to me when I realized it. What you need to do is just sit down with him and tell him how it makes you uncomfortable to initiate all the time. Let him know that you'd be really turned on if he started once in a while Most of all, if he's anything like I was, reassure him it's what you really want and it's OK for him to do, maybe even giving him some suggestions on how to go about it. There's also, as others have said, the distinct possibility that you two have different sex drives. You still need to have that talk with him though, it just might end up that he initiates 25% of the time instead of 50/50, etc., but at least he's still taking part.

Yeah, my whole life my sexual partners have been hornier than I have been; they always initiate before I'm in the mood. Just talk to him about it not as something wrong, but a difference between you that's a bit sub-par from your perspective, and is he just not as driven as you or is there an issue of attraction you need to talk about.

Give the guy some space. We can't know the underlying reason for his not initiating sex with you. What we do know is that you're making love every other day. So it's entirely possible that he's not initiating because he doesn't have to. Stop approaching him -- without turning into the Ice Queen -- and see what happens. You also sound very frustrated that he's not opening up to you about this "problem" and about his sexuality in general. Here again, give him some space. Not only do men and women have different sex drives, they have different communication styles as well. I hate do drag out an old Venus-and-Mars generalization, but women often prefer to hash things out verbally much more than men do. Try not to badger him into intimacy. Five months may seem like a long time to you, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not. It may take your man a little longer to share in the way you want him to. Be patient. However: if, after some time (it's up to you how long), the bear still refuses to come out of his cave, you'll need to take a different tack. There are some good suggestions for this upthread.