Playing Magnum P.I.

• Distilled: I want to know how to legally gather information on somebody.Expounded: Many moons ago, my parents had a serious row with infidelity when my stepfather admitted to a long-term affair. After much counseling, they were able to save their 15 year marriage, and in time seemed closer and happier than ever before. It was the sort of story that gave people some hope for humanity and renewed faith in the ability of people to make good. Now -- 8 years later -- the specter rears its head again... Here's the lowdown: My mother began to get suspicious that my father was cheating again when he got direct deposit at his job, and she noticed that the deposits on their bank statement just listed as "ATM Deposit," while hers from her job listed the company. She busted out the calculator, did a bit of math, and came to the conclusion that there was significantly less money in their account than should be for the number of hours my father was working. Both being in the medical industry (he's a CRNA, she's a hospice nurse), they don't keep regular work schedules -- which makes it difficult to know when the other should be home without trusting what they say. However, she knows his rate, and the number of hours, and it wasn't adding up. She found out that he had a PO Box that she was unaware of to which he was sending bills for a second mobile phone. She logged on to their mobile service website (he usually took care of the bills, and did it all online), and found that for the past few months since she started her new job, he had made several calls and text messages to numbers that she didn't recognize -- numbers that were for unlisted mobile phones. She asked me to help her out some, so I used some Google-fu to see what I could find about the numbers, and what I found made me ill. Several were for local strip clubs, and some were for escort agencies and independent escorts. Many more, I could find nothing about. Ok, so now that the masses are filled in, the dilemma is thus: How to catch him without outside help? She has enough info that, given the past, she wants a divorce. However, she wants as much concrete info on paper about his activities as she can get, prior to going to a lawyer. She feels that he won't be honest if she just confronts him about what she's uncovered so far. So how can she go about gathering information? What resources are there for looking up cell phone owners, for spouses accessing PO Boxes, etcetera? What are the suggestions from any MeFites who may be in the legal or law enforcement professions? Or private investigators? She doesn't have a lot of cash to spend, and wants to handle most of her detective work herself. Yeah, it's been a swell xmas.

• Answer:

  Wow. I wish you and your mother the best during this tough situation. I understand why your mother feels as she does about trying to find things out herself. I think, however, the best course of action is to get to a lawyer ASAP. It sounds pretty clear what's *probably* happening here, and she should be protected. Let her lawyer explain how to gather information -- safely and legally. The risk is great that he could find out and empty bank accounts, run up debt, etc., in order to keep her from collecting. She needs a professional.