How to make up for two wasted years of college?

I wrote up a huge thing about how to improve your social skills, but really there's a fair amount of advice here that I would just repeat (except maybe for the military thing. That seems like a drastic step to me, but then I'm Canadian and am wary of all things related to the U.S. military). Just know that I was once sort of in your situation; I felt shy, felt that I couldn't talk to people, didn't know how to meet girls, etc., etc. And for the most part, that's evaporated; you really do loosen up over your college career if you're willing to follow some basic rules. Well, one rule, really. Do the things that scare you, because usually it means you're doing something right. I fretted for days over whether I should apply for a campus newspaper decision because I didn't know if I'd be good enough, or if I could handle the workload, or whatever other lame excuses I cooked up at the time. But I rode my bike down to the office and applied anyway, and three years later I was still working there and loving nearly everything about it. I took a summer internship at the city newspaper and freaked out because I'd never interviewed anyone over the phone and felt I couldn't talk straight; a couple of dumb mistakes and a couple of great interviews later, those fears disappeared as well. I was worried about moving in with a girl I barely knew through a friend, even though the apartment seemed great and it was cheap and already furnished; that girl is now my closest friend. There are a lot of things in college that seem scary, and my only regret is that I didn't ignore the urge to run away more. Along the way I picked up a decent set of social skills, some great friends, the ability to drink copiously (and the wherewithal to not drink copiously all the time, or even that often), and most importantly a big boost in self-esteem. Socializing is really just casual storytelling, and ever since I started looking at it that way I stopped thinking of "socializing" as a task or a chore, and more a way to have fun. So I'll tell you one more story: I joined the campus newspaper in November, and I was invited to the Christmas party. Which is great when you don't know any of the staff very well. But I got dressed up in the suit I'd luckily remembered to bring from home, bought a bottle of wine (which I'd never done before, and so was anxious over whether I'd picked the right kind), and walked over to a house I'd never been in before. I was welcomed, but barely spoke to anyone until it was time to do the gift exchange. A cute, talkative girl sat next to me on the couch and just started asking me who I was and what I did at the paper. Later she admitted that it took a lot of guts to sit down next to random people and start chatting them up. But after I got over having a crush on her (because she talked to be, of course) she became a really good friend of mine—a friend I wouldn't have if she had decided not to swallow her anxieties and sit next to me for a chat. The key is that she's not really that much better at social situations than I am, or you. The key is she decided she didn't have that much to lose, and why let little fears get in the way? This is the beauty of college; nothing matters except whatever you want to matter. So if there's a club you've been dying to try out but were too scared to, do it anyways. A party you've been invited to, but worried you might not know anyone there? Go anyways. They won't all be winners; I've gone home from plenty of parties depressed and alone. But I've left plenty of parties to walk someone else home, too. And sit on their front porch for hours talking about how cold it was, and really I'm just hugging you for warmth. (And I've been dragged home from parties after vomiting in a parking lot, but that's a story for another time.)

Dealing with anything other than the self-hate would be treating the symptoms, not the disease. Seek some form of therapy or counseling -- your college might offer it for free (or might have peer counselors.) Take an improv class. It'll help with your people skills, shyness, spontaneity, and comedy writing. It may be hard at first, but keep going. I thought I was terrible when I began, and ended up performing. I could have told a story that sounded like yours a while ago. Things get better, honest. No one's around from your first year (except you.) No one in this comedy troupe knew the person you were last year (unless someone does and you didn't mention it.) Here's the thing: you're the only one in your life keeping alive the idea that there's something wrong with you. If you manage to think something else about yourself, odds are other people will agree. Oh, and you really, really don't sound like you have Asperger's. If you have a good enough understanding of people and humor to write something that inspired this troupe to ask you to join as a writer, then you have all the fundamental skills for social aptitude; you just need to develop them. As for being lonely, if you're a dude, here's a potentially helpful recent thread on http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/23787.

First off, I can´t really tell if you are a guy or a girl so I will give some generic advice. College is about socializing but it is more about going to a good school and getting a degree. Learning should be your absolute priority. Unless of course you are attending UW-Madison. Don't ever drop out or change schools simply because you can't socialize with a few people. If you don't get along with your dorm roomate, it isn't the end of the world. Ideally, the only time you should be in your dorm room is to sleep. There are also your neighbors that you should try to become friends with if the roomate is an ass. If you are over 21 you can buy booze for the young-uns. That will guarantee you a spot in their hearts and livers. Second, get involved with other clubs or activities. Get a job or anything to keep you away from sitting and moping in your dorm room. But remember rule #1 is to study, so get to the library as often as possible.

Note: some of thew posts (particularly in te first two links) are garbage. The last two links are great. Consider which of the posts realistically apply to your personality.

Here are a bunch of links with great advice. Studying & practicing these well is essential, especially is you have little experience in the area. Advice for starting over in school: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=385 Essential people to have as acquaintances/friends: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=4419 What to know before trying to get a girl: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=1322 Great advice on becoming more confident, and some advice on how to converse better: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=1260

I'm going to second what josh said. I was a misfit at my college (also in Boston), tried to transfer to another and it didn't work out, and I ended up building a very happy and interesting experience anyway. I had a job at my college, and obviously I went to class there, but everything else I did in the CITY. I had a second job in the city, went to museums and movies and concerts, and cross-registered to take classes at other schools. By the end of the first semester of that approach, I felt so much more like a citizen of the world! The people I met at my other job and at the other colleges were so much easier to be relaxed around than the people at my school -- probably not because of any real differences but because the need to fit in was removed.

The folks in the comedy troupe brought you on board because your sketch showed a talent. I'd say embrace that gift even if you don't embrace the group. Write sketches, write for campus publications, engage through what you're good at. If you do that, my experience has been you'll find like-minded people, who value you, who are easy to talk to, who will draw you out only a tiny bit further than you wish to be drawn. Engage with people who enjoy what you have to give. Also, I think performance is a great way to try on different ways of interacting with people without risking your real self. Go slow, but go.

I like what ubersturm and mightynez have to say. My advice, though perhaps it's irrelevant or idiosyncratic, would be: make sure that your intellectual life is taken care of. Find subjects you love and study hard. Read the best of what's been thought and said: the classic novels, the best poetry. Go to all of the amazing New York museums. Go to Carnegie Hall on the student rate. See some great movies at the Landmark or the Film Forum. Watch out for the Brakhage screenings or the "Essential Cinema" series at Anthology Film Archives and go. Join the Guggenheim and the MoMA so that you can go as often as you like. Go to Labyrinth Books and the Strand. Make sure you are culturally and intellectually satisfied, and find friends with whom you can talk about these things. You can find these people in clubs, sure, but also just on your hallway. Remember that, no matter how much it might not seem this way, there are plenty of smart, serious, curious, and, yes, nerdy people at a school like Columbia. Make sure that you're challenged intellectually, meet other people who are like you, and don't worry so much about partying and drinking and joining clubs with other people. At every low point in my life, art and culture have been what gave me energy and helped me think about big questions--about this kind of vagueness that you're experiencing. If you need some beauty and vitality in your life, sometimes Anna Karenina, Beethoven's A-minor quartet, and Mark Rothko can provide it.

I pretty much geeked my way through my undergraduate degree, but made up for lost time in the first two years of graduate work, when much of the pressure was off... (and, importantly, fewer money worries). I was lucky in that regard. But I also appreciated that there's no better environment in which to 'start over' and shape your life towards what you'd like it to be. (It's possibly also the worst environment to get stuck in a downward spiral; it's swings and roundabouts.) In college, we play with personas, and sometimes we find ones that fit for the rest of our lives. There's room to imagine the person you'd like to be, and start living that role. You really do have nothing to lose. One specific thought: why not see if you can do some acting or performing? If you can write comedy, then you might be able to do stand-up. That probably counts as 'do the things that scare you', and chrominance is completely on the mark here.