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How to recursively get all fields in a unidirectional relationship?

What is more important?  Relationship or career?

  • I had a really wonderful relationship for three years, but halfway through the 4th year she chose to take a career opportunity in another state - it was a great opportunity.  I didn't follow her, mainly concerned about job availability for me in her new location.  We're in different specialties but the same general position, so hard for both of us to find positions that are close by.  Our line of work is competitive and jobs are scarce. I resented her choice.  We could have taken another option in the same city.  It wasn't the best for either of us but it was acceptable and we could have been together - a rarity in our line of work.  She left.  We broke up but remained in contact, quite frequent (we usually talk no less than once every 10 days or so, typically more than that). Without the encumbrances of a relationship, I did a nationwide search and found what I would consider a 90% "dream" position - I take off 10% because I'd rather be in a bigger city.  Still, it's basically exactly what I want to do and *very* secure - good pay, a clear advancement path, and *great* benefits.  So far I've been a great fit and everyone around me in the workplace seems to agree from what I can tell.   But then I go home.  Alone. I wonder if I made a HUGE mistake not pursuing the relationship for a job.  Our relationship was really great and I really miss it. I've tried to date but after a few weeks or months, the dating partner can see I'm still in love with someone else.  It's been almost 2 years and I've pretty much stopped dating - I think it's unfair to date because when I do, I "hedge my bets" - don't commit, don't show too much effort, don't get too invested. I'm not completely positive, but this seems to be the situation with my ex too.  She is VERY big on her career - more than myself - so my assumption is whatever dating she's done was even less serious than my attempts.  Sometimes I think I should just quit and go be with her. Here are my fears that keep me from it: 1) There's a strong chance I'd never get a job like this again.  2) What if I couldn't get *any* job?  Getting the one I have was such a struggle.  I'm not experienced in other fields and getting older (30). 3) I wonder if she'd love her job more than me in the end. My friends think I should just stop talking to her and get on with my life.  I look at other women and just think, "it's not her."

  • Answer:

    It sounds like you have both chosen the great career options. It also sounds like you both have moved on to other partners and or dating, but have still remained in contact and still have that bond with each other. The question asked is a personal one. Its one where you have to ask yourself these questions. These decisions are based on your values. They are based on your aspirations. Perhaps they are based on your level of expectation of what you should be doing instead of what you really want to do? I have no idea of course, but the key is to go deeper (and you are) and start asking questions and get closer to what is really going on here. You both sound career driven individuals that when given an opportunity to develop your careers further - you both chose that option. Is that a clue of where you were at then? Or is it a clue that you, or you both are questioning those decisions in wanting to be together? I hope you work this out :) Liam Virinovi

Liam Virinovi at Quora Visit the source

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No other woman will be her because they are Not her. You have a choice to make here guy. Go to her and quit worrying about work in your field. You may need to do something else in order to fulfill your love dream. If you stay with this job you need to stop thinking of her. Stop talking with her, stop dreaming of her and move on. One or the other. Or, you could quit them both. Move to some island in the middle of nowhere and stagnate. In my life I have seen many folks have many loves and I have seen very few have just one. There is another for you but you have to be willing to drop the past and live for your future. It is all up to you and no matter what advice we give, it will always be up to you being willing to listen and act upon these words. In my experience though, a great job is wonderful but a great Love? Well, it's great :) Unless your great love prefers work and money to love then, it sucks. The future isn't easy to see but we make choices and live with it. She made her choice and you were not it. I think you'd be better off thinking of yourself and a future with someone else. The sooner you come to this conclusion the better you will be. Hope I could help and Good Luck :)

Nadine Girouard

Career because if you make your career you relationship will automatically be maintained well.

Kent Waltersoam

My Views on " Relationship " I think its career because its more logical than relationship. Relationship is product of love. And We don't have single universally accepted Definition of Love. Have you ever heard of Top 10 List of most successful relationship? My Views on " Career " Careers are 21st Century Inventions. Its more organized way of earning money for good life. If you don't have money and career then you can not have good relationship. So the my answer for this question is, Career and Relationships are two wheels of a bicycle of a Life. Both these things are interdependent on each other.

Anonymous

It's quite obvious. It's your career, relationships come and go. Opportunities don't. If i was still with my ex i'd be working 60+ hours per week to get about £12,000.00 a year. Instead i got a career and i'll be earning £35,000.00+ in 3 years time. And now i'm seeing someone new. It's a win.

Bob Makeawish

You say that the job you took is a once in 5-year opportunity. Is a relationship like the one you had with this woman a once in 5-year opportunity? I urge you to ask yourself that question. Many of us are lucky if the chance to cultivate a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person comes just once in a lifetime.

Anna Jensen

"I try to date but after a few weeks or months, the dating partner can see I'm still in love with someone else." If she is having the same experience, sounds like you may have answered your own question.

Mike Prozan

Your friends are right. Keep looking for a new woman but do your almost dream job as best you can. I'm very much in favor of giving all you have to a relationship, but I think being happy in your day to day work is more important. Do your job and date locally, basically.

Alison Bennett

Hello there,I think relationship and career matter but sometimes we can't have both. So we really have to make a choice which is the better in long term and both have risks. If we pick the relationship soon we can get dumped and if we pick the career soon we can get fired. Maybe the career is more important for her (it's for me) and there's nothing you can do to change it about her. But you can talk with her, honestely and sharing your feelings and thoughts, it's the only way for you to know if you change your entire life for her worth.Good luck.

Karollina Galloro

I followed him, which means I cannot work for money, and cannot have a career. I would like to work. I'm smart and energetic but he is my partner and he needed this more than I need mine and his new career will help US more than mine ever could, and it was a great opportunity. Not every thing in life is about money- but it sure has an influence. so WE chose. It's individual and you might regret which ever one you choose. Hard call.

Adi Ben-Arye

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