How do you fall out of love?

I don't think I ever fall in love and if felt I don't realize or remember? How to fall in love?

• I don't remember I fall in love with someone, yes I was attracted but only during teenage. My upbringing was abusive and conservative. I live in India. When I grew up I got married with parent's choice that was an arranged marriage, but my ex-husband and in-laws treated me cruelly and I left him and divorced. After that all I am doing is job and reading marriage forums and when I read about other ladies marriage problem I become more negative and more biased and scared of second marriage. Sometimes I can't trust men due to bad experience of ex and my lack of trust is also not invalid all the time because so many boys treat bad to their wives/gfs. There are some Indian matrimonial sites in which I can register but haven't registered yet. But whether finding someone thru matrimonial agent/website or thru dating website or date with anyone all this things are finally a arranged kind of thing. I want to know what love is. If there is any such thing like real love then I want to believe in it. I don't understand whom to love. How do I love? One thing I understand and learned from my divorce that you cannot hold someone's hand unless you don't hold them in your heart. While living with my ex I realized that I never loved him and in addition their bad treatment. But when you love someone you can live with them in any condition. I want to experience love. But whom to love and whom to find for loving. And how do I fall in love?

• Answer:

  This is one of the fundamental problems of love. Every lover has to learn it, nobody knows it by birth. It only comes slowly slowly and through much pain, but the sooner it comes, the better -- that each person needs his or her own space, that we should not interfere in that space. To interfere is very natural for lovers, because they start taking the other for granted. They start thinking that they are no more separate. They don't think of 'I' and 'thou'; they start thinking of 'we'. You are that too, but only once in a while. 'We' is a rare phenomenon. Once, for a few moments, lovers come to that point where the word is meaningful, where you can say 'we', when 'I' and 'thou' disappear into each other, where boundaries overlap. But these are rare moments; they should not be taken for granted. You cannot remain 'we' twenty-four hours a day, but that's what every lover demands -- and that creates unnecessary misery. When you come close once in a while you become one, but those are rare moments, precious, to be cherished, and you cannot make them a twenty-four-hour thing. If you try, you will destroy them; then the whole beauty will be lost. When that moment is gone, it is gone; you are again 'I' and 'thou'. You have your space, she has her space. And one has to be respectful now, that the other's space should not be in any way interfered with; it should not be trespassed. If you trespass it, you hurt the other; you start destroying the other's individuality. And because the other loves you, she or he will go on tolerating it. But toleration is one thing; it is not something very beautiful. If the other is only tolerating it, then sooner or later the other will take revenge. The other cannot forgive you and it goes on accumulating -- one day, another day, another day.... You have interfered with a thousand and one things, then they all pile up, and then one day they explode. That's why lovers go on fighting. That fight is because of this constant interference. And when you interfere in her being, she tries to interfere in your being, and nobody feels good about [email protected]