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  • 15 days ago I gave birth to my son. He was 15+1 weeks premature! He was on a ventilator for 4 days and now he's on an oxygen machine. He has had a bleed on the brain- Doctors have said if it goes away then it shouldn't cause any damage. He got moved out of intensive care the other day and was getting to be prepared to move to the hospital near us. But he's had a set back and isn't controling his heart rate and oxygen levels so has been moved back to intensive care and moving hospitals is a no no. I also have a 2.5 year old daughter who hasn't met her brother yet due to my husband and I thinking she's too young to understand. My husband goes back to work on Monday and I just don't know how to fit it all in? I need to see my son, care for my daughter, keep the housework up, cook and on top of all that I'm expressing breast milk for my son which I do 8 times a day for at least 20minutes. My husband drives and I don't, its an hour round trip to the hospital. How can I cope with all this? How do I cope with the constant worry? How do I cope with the rollercoster of having a child in hospital? Thanks.

  • Answer:

    If you're little guy was only on a ventilator for 4 days he is going great! My oldest was born at 25 weeks. She spent 101 days in the hospital and it was really hard but is doing great today--she only has minor health problems. Some coping trips, I learned during that time were to accept any offer for help and even call some friends and let them know how overwhelmed I was feeling. Don't worry about the housework. Other than dishes and laundry the rest can eat. Cook simple meals. Spend as much time as you can beside your baby. I would talk to your baby's doctors and nurses, but I think it may be okay to bring your 2 year old along for a short visit to the hospital. I would probably wait until his oxygen and heart rate stabalized a bit, though.

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My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with your son. Is there no way your husband can stay home to help for a bit longer? Doesn't he have any annual holiday leave he could use up? Since it's only fifteen days after the birth I know for a fact he can't have already taken paternity leave and what most employers call sympathetic leave, either, because paternity leave alone is a fortnight and sympathetic leave is at the employer's discression but usually a fortnight, also. I know that money is very important but at a crucial and difficult time like this you can't possibly be expected to cope alone. I would urge you to share your worries with him in full and see what he says. Maybe you can pull the purse strings a little tighter and keep him home for a little longer. His mind is not going to be focused on work if he goes back at this point, anyway. If that's not an option then call some favours, friends, family, whoever. I'm sure that if there's people to watch your two and a half year old for you then it will make coping with the load you have right now easier, and there's always a chance friends and family might help with the cooking and cleaning, too. What I'm basically saying is don't try to cope alone unless you absolutely have to and if you do then hubby needs to muck in as soon as his shift finishes. You need to have some down time or you'll be simply exhausted. You're barely postpartum never mind all the other things on your plate. I hope there's somebody in your life who is sympathetic and kind enough to help you through this, all the best, and congradulations on the birth of your baby boy.

SagiGal

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