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HELP! I Feel As If I'm Going Insane?!?

• I have been extremely stressed lately. I feel if I don't look a certain way, if I don't act a certain way, if I don't dress right, do whats right, or if I am not capable of doing anything entertaining (I do gymnastics, opera, ballet, jazz, tap, salsa, samba, ballroom, guitar, piano, cello, pointe-work, acting, directing short films, cartooning, and drawing.) then I feel as if I am completely worthless. I tried meditating but I cant settle my mind, and I am dying to lose at least 20 pounds. (I am around 123). I try my best but the weight comes back from stress. ( I am also 14, and 5'3, almost 5'4) I swear im going insane from all the stress! My parents are also divorced and my mom just wants control on me. She watches me 24/7, she wants to know what I eat, I wouldn't be surprised if she asked how many times a day I breathe, and she doesn't have friends. she says "We only need each other." Then she hugs her mum. (my gma) its creepy.. and I'm not doing too hot in school because I get bullied, and my teachers really hate me. Recentyl I got in trouble with my mom so.. things have gotten worse. Help! Im going absolutely insane! I've also been getting a massive amount of stress dreams that are killing me inside. and, I cannot see a therapist my mom wont allow it. Stress Dream 1 : I was in highschool, 2nd year probably. A cute goth guy -i am gothic- sits next to me. An even hotter girl that is more gothic than me sits acrossed from us. He loves her more and I am instantly crazed with jealousy because I have a desperate need to be wanted. In the dream I felt so desperate, I never felt anything like it now the dream is starting to come true. So anyways, the two started dating and i became sooo depressed. The girl was everything I wanted to be. The guy kept telling me to kill myself and that I was worthless. I then killed myself, and I came back as a ghost. I was forced to watch them live happily together forever. I was extremely depressed and I have this dream every night the same exact one. Stress Dream 2. A girl who was left in a mental hospital named tiffany, is 15 years old but she stopped growing at age 2. Her legs are curled from being tied down to her bed for years. I am in the mental hospital too, they think I am crazy, but I am not. They had me on drain tables draining my blood.. and gave me electric shock treatment so much in my dream i swear I could feel it. Fear, depression, and desperation was all I could feel. Constantly I felt a connection to tiffany. She would constantley cry for help but the doctors would leave her. I Felt so sad for her I wanted to just trade bodies with her so she could live freeley and I could take her place. These dreams haunt me and sometimes during the day I cry for Tiffany as if she were real. I find myself wishing to be out of this insane world and i feel desperate to change.. desperate to be someone else. Its too overwhelming. I feel worthless. Why Am I here?

• Answer:

  I study neurology and sociology, so let me semi profesionaly help you. You need to clearly state that you need more control of your life to your mom, and if you dont get it, you wont be able to forgive her for ruining life. Take your life in control, and relax. Try to walk or nap or just take a shower when things get bad. Also cut some of your worthless activities and maybe take some online pre collage classes or tudoring. That may help your grades and spark a new interest. Remember that its always darkest before the dawn.