How do i start charcoal?

How can I slowly start coming out of my shell more?

• I've always been extremely secretive and it has always worked but for a while now it hasn't. I hate lying, so when people ask me questions to get to know me I find ways to just brush them off, without having to lie For example: I never tell anyone what I want to do with my life (career wise) instead I go around saying I don't know what I want and I have even looked for career advice lol but I've always known I'm just too embarrassed to admit (I don't know why) notice how I am not even mentioning it here, anonymously on the net. That's how secretive I am. Its not even something bad, I'm just embarrassed. I never admit I'm shy because in some ways I'm not. For example: I'm really outgoing and not shy with strangers but with people who have seen me for a while I am really stiff and reserved. I hardly ever speak or have an opinion. I just feel really dumb talking. Another thing I never tell anyone is how I was so in love with this guy, instead I go around pretending like I never want to get married and like I never want to have kids. I didn't even tell the guy I loved that I loved him, instead I did the opposite and treated him badly until he went away. He even told me that I had a bunch of walls up and I just ignored him. I never reveal anything about myself and Its becoming too much. I've always been this way so I need to start but its gonna have to be small steps because this is how I've always been. I only reveal minor things about myself, enough to seem normal and not have to answer any questions. I change my email and phone number a lot so people can't get close to me. Notice how I have no email option lol. I keep everyone shut out of my life and never let anyone in. I had facebook once but closed it right away (1 week) because I felt too exposed. I kind of live a secret life. I'm really adventurous and fearless is some ways. I've even gone to a different country by myself and never told anyone, I actually have done a lot of cool things but I never share them with anyone. A good thing is I can be independent, the bad is that I am super closed off from real human relationships. I shut everyone out. So in conclusion, I am really fearless when it comes to going places and doing crazy things by myself. I am really AFRAID with having to share feelings, life experiences, connection with other humans. Like I literally will not talk, I think most people think I lack a personality. I just smile a lot and act agreeable so I can go soon to my own world. How can I start showing myself, when I've always hidden who I am? I'm 25/female if it matters

• Answer:

  Wow, for a minute I was starting to think I wrote this question and somehow forgot I did. You just describe me and how I mostly feel about myself. I wish I could give you advice, but I'm still trying to figure it out myself too. I guess when it comes down to it, the best thing you can do is to learn to love yourself and be proud of who you are. I used to be super shy and wasn't the best at opening up and connecting with people, and I don't know what I did different, but I guess somewhere along the way I just grew out of it, especially after I left for college and did some soul searching, trying to figure who I was, what's important to me, and what I wanted in life. I think the reason why I was the the way I was back then is because I just didn't have the confidence I have now. I can't say that I turned into this super outgoing and talkative person, because naturally I'm just more of an introverted person, but it's a lot easier for me now to make new friends and open up. I still don't really like to talk about myself alot, but i guess that's just me. Plus I think my cultural upbringing has a lot to do with it, I'm Asian and not that I'm saying all Asians are this way but for the most part we are more reserved and I don't see a lot of Asians who love to talk about themselves, unless they are raised in a society that is is more individual/self oriented. Plus I don't think my life is that exciting to frequently update my facebook status every 3hrs. But I don't think I am boring or lack personality. . Everyone has a personality. A rock lack's personality. My life and opinions may not be impressive or of any interest to some people but I'm ok with that. But I'm just wondering why you would want to hide yourself from people? You sound like a very interesting person! I bet once you start to open up you will have no problem developing relationships. It's not easy opening up, if you're not used to it, but once you start to take the small steps it'll get easier. But most importantly, learn to love yourself and embrace who you are and you will learn to do the rest.