How do i start charcoal?

How can I slowly start coming out of my shell more?

• I've always been extremely secretive and it has always worked but for a while now it hasn't. I hate lying, so when people ask me questions to get to know me I find ways to just brush them off, without having to lie For example: I never tell anyone what I want to do with my life (career wise) instead I go around saying I don't know what I want and I have even looked for career advice lol but I've always known I'm just too embarrassed to admit (I don't know why) notice how I am not even mentioning it here, anonymously on the net. That's how secretive I am. Its not even something bad, I'm just embarrassed. I never admit I'm shy because in some ways I'm not. For example: I'm really outgoing and not shy with strangers but with people who have seen me for a while I am really stiff and reserved. I hardly ever speak or have an opinion. I just feel really dumb talking. Another thing I never tell anyone is how I was so in love with this guy, instead I go around pretending like I never want to get married and like I never want to have kids. I didn't even tell the guy I loved that I loved him, instead I did the opposite and treated him badly until he went away. He even told me that I had a bunch of walls up and I just ignored him. I never reveal anything about myself and Its becoming too much. I've always been this way so I need to start but its gonna have to be small steps because this is how I've always been. I only reveal minor things about myself, enough to seem normal and not have to answer any questions. I change my email and phone number a lot so people can't get close to me. Notice how I have no email option lol. I keep everyone shut out of my life and never let anyone in. I had facebook once but closed it right away (1 week) because I felt too exposed. I kind of live a secret life. I'm really adventurous and fearless is some ways. I've even gone to a different country by myself and never told anyone, I actually have done a lot of cool things but I never share them with anyone. A good thing is I can be independent, the bad is that I am super closed off from real human relationships. I shut everyone out. So in conclusion, I am really fearless when it comes to going places and doing crazy things by myself. I am really AFRAID with having to share feelings, life experiences, connection with other humans. Like I literally will not talk, I think most people think I lack a personality. I just smile a lot and act agreeable so I can go soon to my own world. How can I start showing myself, when I've always hidden who I am? I'm 25/female if it matters Sorry for all the spelling, grammar mistakes. Typed this really fast. The thought of just being honest and having an opinion freaks me out because I know I can't be perfect so I rather just not reveal anything and be just an image there. In a way I feel like its better to not have any personality, than having a stupid one. I attend this Buddhist temple and the lady there was telling me how we should do what we are passionate about. She told me to contemplate and find it. Because I tend to pick career/jobs that mean nothing to me. I just do them so I can buy myself things and live meaningless. The less involved I have to put the better. Another thing I do is I rather go out with guys who mean nothing to me and with them I am outgoing. But the guy I actually have feelings for I couldn't show him my personality. If I have to get too involved I feel so uncomfortable. It makes me feel weak, dumb. I look really girly but I swear the male side of my brain must be more developed or something. anyways, tell me how to get out of this secrecy? Thanks

• Answer:

  you can start off by saying hi everyday to everbody you know and you can always start off the conversation so the questions arent awkward and when someone try to talk to you take some time to talk to them back with long answers not just short answer that will brush them off, the guy you have feeling for just talk to him and try to be an open book but not to open but open enough so he knows the kinda person you are hope that helped didnt really read kinda skimed over it.