Is, "Bilingual education" a good topic for my persuasive speech?

What do you think of my government speech?? Warning: it's kinda long, and conservative. :)?

• Note that this is not my final speech, it is only in very rough draft form. I don't necessarily want your opinion about my topic of government involvement and our rights, (because i know there are many liberals who disagree completely) i want your opinions and constructive criticism on my writing and facts. If any of this is erroneous please let me know, I don't want to look like a fool when I give this speech in front of my class. also, if you have anything I could maybe add/take out of it, let me know. :) (p.s. this is a highschool government class assignment, and it needs to be from 5-7 minutes long.) thanks so much for your time:) (and please no rude comments.) Just over 200 years ago, our founding fathers got together to create our American democratic-republican government. After they had faced many problems with Britain taking their rights as citizens, resulting in the declaration of independence, they wanted to create a government that would ensure the protection of each individuals natural rights an liberties. When they wrote out the constitution they included a bill of rights filled with necessary rights to be protected, like the freedom of speech, religion, and the right to petition the government if it took too much power. They wanted to ensure that what happened to them would never happen again. They wanted the rights of the people to be protected. So why does that have to change? Why is it that the president is allowed to pass bills that limit our first amendment right if what we say or petition isn’t the right thing said, or done at the right time or place? Why is it that the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, which was last updated in 1986, hasn’t been updated to take into account that we now have email and text messaging that also, like our mail, needs to be protected against unreasonable search. Without amending this act, the government has the ability to read through our messages for terrorism content, without a warrant, a clear violation of our 4th amendment right. Why is it that the government controls our health care, is too deeply imbedded in our education, can tell us what to eat in their Obesity Program, and much much more? Can’t we handle ourselves anymore? When it comes down to it, we have to look at the big picture of liberty versus protection. How willing are we to give up some of our rights in exchange for increased security? Are we really so afraid of terrorism that we’ve lost our fears of a tyrannical government? Can we ever find a balance? The answer lies in us as the people. We the people of the united states. We are a sovereign people, and we should be involved. We need to be more involved in our government, we have voices and we need to let them be heard, no matter how cliché that may sound. We need to vote the right people into office to be our voices by voting on issues, not appearance, religious affiliation, or any other unimportant trait of our candidates. As citizens we must be the ones to analyze our countries issues and decide what truly are problems, and act on the problems we have the ability to act on. Not wait for our government to interfere. We need to realize that the government is there solely to protect our rights, and it should be held to that and only that! When we look at other countries like north korea, we see a struggling people locked underneath the strangle hold of a corrupt government who isn’t providing the necessary freedoms. Seeing this we can’t help but feel almost a sense of pride that we live in America, the land deemed “the land of the free.” But it isn’t that way without work. We the people need to keep America free. Let’s not change the definition of the U.S.A.! We’re allowing for the government to obtain a little more power than it should, and watching as our rights are slowly and sneakily taken away. We can’t expect our government to do anything for us but protect our unailienable rights, and if that protection is compromised, what do we have? As citizens of the U.S. we need to take a step back to seriously re-evaluate our situations. Where is the line between what issues we handle, and what issues the government takes control of? We also need to ask ourselves the important question of which is more important: our protection against possible threats to our security, or our protection against the loss of our rights? If we don’t act on these changes, over time more of our freedoms will be eroded. Whatever we do, we can’t let the constitution pay the price. once again, please don't be offensive or get offended by my speech, it's simply my conservative 11th grade homework ;) and thanks again for your constructive criticism and comments. :) (and i know that my conclusion kinda sucks,,, if you can help with that it would be much appreciated.)

• Answer:

  Her's a few tips: Indent paragraphs. Have a thesis sentence at the end of your introductory paragraph that is the main idea of the whole paper. Restate the thesis at the end of the essay/paper/thing. Try to take out pronouns like we and instead, put Americans. Don't ask too many questions. Hope this helps a bit.