How can I show him I really care?

How can you show that you care? To those that refuse to see it...?

• My friend just accused me that I don't care about him and pushed me away... Regardless of me always being there for him for over 20 years now - helping, supporting, encouraging, cheering him up, etc... He lost his job about 5 years ago - I've been sending him money... I tried to organize some job interviews, but he didn't want to go... I cancelled all of my plans when he was in a mood to Skype with me 16 hours straight... If he needed to call me in the middle of the night - I was always happy to hear him out... He stresses out about his mum getting sick - I send her flowers to cheer them both up... He gets sick himself - I organize doctors appointments to check what would help him (as he hates doctors and wouldn't go himself)... I thought it was clear that I DO care about him a lot. How else can I show it to him so he gets it???

• Answer:

  Hi there. Well you certaintly have gone the whole nine yards for this guy - and look at the thanks that you h ave got. 0bviously he was either in one of his moods, when he pushed you away (I take it you mean literally) or he actually mean it. The only way that you can get him to realize that you do care about him is to use "tough love". It will be hard on you to start with, especially when you start saying "no"to his requests, but he will then realize how good you have been to and for him. You have heard the saying ÿou don't know what you've got until you've lost it"- well let that apply. By keep doing things and being there for him, and I know you care, he is using you. He knows that he can call you in the middle of the night, you make his doctors appointments etc etc. Stand back from the situation for a while and see how things go. As I say, it will be hard for you to say "no"when he wants something, or stresses out, but you have to be firm. You are being used as a doormat (sorry) and you deserve better. I hope you take this advice with the courtesy that it is meant, but you cannot keep doing these things for him, especially after more than 20 years - you deserve a life of your own - so go out there and live it for yourself. 0nce he realizes that he has to learn to stand on his own two feet and that you are not always there fore him to lean on, you may, and I say may, get an apology. He will soon realize what he has lost. I wish you all the best and do what is right for you, and don't let him talk his way back just so that you can do everything for him - again. Good luck!!