How do you get over insecurity?

Mature men and women please Help! How do I get my fiance to understand my fear and insecurity?

• I'm 47 and he's 42, I have a serious fear of looking old and becoming unattractive and in the past five years the mirror is beginning to really show my age. I know I'm not ugly but I'm not happy at all with how I look now compared to 5, 10 and 20 years ago. If I had the money I would change everything that could be changed but I don't so I'm stuck with what I've got. All I can afford is so called age defying face lotions and make up but that doesn't take off 40 pounds I need to lose, get rid of the cellulite on my thighs, doesn't shrink my waist to a 28-30, doesn't make the stretch marks disappear on my upper hips and I have a deep 4" long cesearean scar (from two c-sections) from my navel down. My upper arms are sagging, my breasts are sagging south and the left is a size smaller than the right and from a young age I've had bad very noticeable varicose veins in my legs. I'm curvy and used to have a nice shaped butt but now I have dimples in my cheeks, I've lost meat, tone and lift in my butt. I hate to look at myself nude in the mirror anymore. I try to not show my fiance how insecure I am with my body when we have sex because I don't want to turn him off but everytime we have sex I'm thinking I hope he doesn't notice that fat jiggling from my upper arms, the role of fat and deep scar in my abdomen. I worry that one day he may not find me attractive anymore and he will leave me. It's been really difficult for me to lose weight because I eat when I'm nervous and stressed and I've had so much stress and responsiblity put on me by immediate family members. Ok so I have my own body issues but I felt even more insecure when I found out several months ago my fiance was trying to access porn on his cell phone. His desire to access porn made me feel as if I'm not enough. I'm not in my 20's or 30's, I don't have perky breasts, big implants and I don't have the body or butt of a porn slut of that age. I know I don't have the body I used to and if he's looking at "ideal" body images of other women then that's what he's more attracted to...not me...because I don't look like that. have expressed to him that I'm not comfortable with him watching porn. Yesterday morning when we woke up we were still laying in bed but he grabbed his cell phone and a few minutes later I looked over at his phone and noticed many erotic images of young bikinis and lingerie models in a wallpaper application he was viewing. I did notice one pic of a baby as he was looking but the majority were erotic images. Because I did see a pic of a baby I thought ok I'll give him the benefit of the doubt maybe since it's mothers day he's looking for a baby pic so I didn't say anything but a couple minutes later I look over again and all I see are erotic images he's scrolling through. I asked him "what is that?" and grabbed his phone and he said "a baby" but all I saw on the screen at that instant was erotic pics. I told him " I don't see a baby, I see erotic half nude pics of women with their boobs hanging out and or their *** showing" . He said "keep looking you'll see a baby. Well I had to scroll through 25 erotic images before I saw an actual baby. At that point I was upset so I checked his phone to see what wallpapers he had downloaded on his phone, he had four that were ok but the last one was a black & white "back" image of a blonde tall skinny model (I'm brunette, 5' 3 and not skinny) walking up stairs...all you notice is her *** and long legs which almost look nude as it seems she's wearing some really sheer light spandex. He's a 42 yr old engaged man not a young single guy and I feel that image is innappropriate to have on his phone. He's not responsible for how I feel about myself but how can I make him understand how his viewing porn and/or erotic images of younger shaplier thinner women makes me feel even more insecure about my body, how he views me. I fear that the more he sees those images, the more he's comparing me and the more I fail because I don't even compare. Before he would constantly comment to me every weekend while watching tv that this girl or that girl was beautiful when he "never" paid me a compliment. Also I had to break up with my last fiance because he had a serious porn addiction and preferred porn and erotic images over me, I went through a lot of pain and my current fiance is aware of that. He of course says he's not addicted but I don't know, we don't reside together, all I know are the facts I've listed.

• Answer:

  Alright, I think that you need to work on yourself. This might solve some of the insecurities in your relationship. Don't view your body as a chore. That's your first problem. I used to think that about myself actually. Once you change your perspective, being healthy becomes so much easier. So what if your boobs and what not are sagging? It's bound to happen! To be honest, working out can stop a lot of that happening early on. If you do the right exercises, you can keep your body can retain itself for a lot longer. Sure it sucks at first, but just view it as a game. If someone 20 years younger than me can do this, then I sure as hell can. There is no ideal body. You have to own what you got, and work with it. That's where people find their sexiness: it is all in confidence. I'm by no means petite, modelesque, or have a porno body. I'm average. But, I rock it for all it's worth. Rock what you got now, work at it, and love the process. About the porn stuff...I think your fiance has a bit of a problem. You should talk to him about the porn, and see what the fascination is. A little bit is normal, but really? On the phone? Be open about your image problem, and say you're working on it. Heck, he may even join you and motivate you. Getting fit together can be fun...not to mention it always makes the bedroom more fun! TL;DR: Find confidence in yourself. Work on yourself. Tell your fiance the porn makes you uncomfortable because of your image issues. Discuss how you can work together to help your quest to self confidence. Do NOT rely on solely him for self confidence. That's all in you. Address the porn. That's a bit strange in my opinion. EDIT: Please answer my recently posted question if possible! Could use all the advice in the world.