What to do after a chemical pregnancy?

Would you consider actually losing a baby if you expierenced a chemical pregnancy 3 weeks in?

• I have a friend who expierenced a chemical pregnancy at 3 weeks. Personally I do not believe she lost a child. I am currently 5 months pregnant. If I have a miscarriage I would consider that losing a child. My baby is actually a baby. He kicks, has a heartbeat. I consider it a baby once your body actually starts forming a baby (right before the heart is beating basically) My friend lost a blastocyst. It had not even produced the placenta yet, or even attached to her uterine wall, just a big ball of cells. Had she not taken a pregnancy test when her period was a day late I am sure she would have assumed that it was just later than normal. She expierenced the chemical pregnancy 6 days later. She has named "the baby" with a first and middle name and given it a last name (which would be that of the dad's) She expierenced this chemical pregnancy last year. (May 12th) The six days that she knew she was pregnant she lost her boyfriend (she thought it would cause him to leave his wife for good, instead he went back to her) She wasn't sure if she wanted to keep it or have an abortion. Now she calls it her angel baby and has named it and has actually thought about buying a plot at the cemetery and getting a grave stone. I have tried to be understanding of the loss, but at this point I am having a hard time. She talks about it CONSTANTLY. My father passed away on the same day she had a chemical pregnancy and I was trying to honor is memory and all she wanted to do was talk about her chemical pregnancy from last year. She informs me the baby was going to be a girl and all of these other things. I do not know what to say when she was considering abortion once she realized her boyfriend wasn't going to stay with her. How do i then sympathize with her when 5 days later she is calling it her "angel baby" even though she was considering ending the pregnancy herself? I feel like she just wants attention and sympathy.

• Answer:

  yeah reading that was hard for me and kinda annoying. Tell her she can't get a plot because there's no body. She needs to plant a tree and maybe later get a plaque or something, but yeah. It sounds like she's more upset about losing her boyfriend and realizing he doesn't see her as the mother of her children etc, just as a more casual girlfriend and possibly on the side. I think I'd tell her she needs some time alone to grieve properly if she's upset about her "angel baby" and you need time to grieve too. Which you DO. Like you grieve your way and tell her to grieve her way, and if someone dying brings back her grief then tell her to leave those people alone and stay away from them. And walk her out the door and lock it behind her. I kind of don't even think it's that she wants attention or sympathy, just she doesn't want you to have any feelings of your own or have to be a friend to you because she's too shallow/insensitive or too immature to handle it. Basically, too selfish and self-centered. You have my sympathies and condolances and a long-range hug if you choose to take it.