Please help...how can I make my 13 yr old delete her facebook account and racy photos?
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I think I keep a good balance between being strict and allowing freedom: -She is allowed to use the family computer for two hours on weekdays, and four hours on weekends -She can meet friends in the neighborhood but must be inside before dark -She shops at the mall with her friends and knows the rule about avoiding skin-tight/very short clothing. -She goes to movies and friend's houses as long as a parent is present and she notifies me beforehand. -I knock before entering her room -She has privacy on the phone -She is allowed to wear a little bit of natural looking makeup. Anyway, I just found out she has a facebook account with photos of herself in racy, seductive poses, wearing tons of bright lipstick/makeup/heavy eyeliner, and bikinis. Some photos have her shirt pulled down to reveal cleavage, and things like that. She has over 500 friends on the account and most are men / old men she doesn't even know. She has even added some of my friends and family, and it is extremely embarrassing and disgusting. I have already told her she's grounded for a month, cannot use the computer without my supervision, and I lectured her for two hours. I asked her to delete the account and she's refusing to do it. How can I get her to delete the account?
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Answer:
YOU are the parent, not her. In my oppinion, I think you are being too lienient in the punishment. She is a 13 year old girl, who has blantantly went behind your back and broke your rules, as well as putting herself at risk by putting racy pictures up on the internet where anyone can see. Not to mention the fact of all the people she friended that she doesn't know. If it were me, I wouldn't let my 13 year old get a facebook to begin with (I'm not sure if you consented to allowing her the facebook or not), but if I did and they did something like this and then refused to delete it, there would be severe punishment. First off I would explain how innappropriate what she has done is and explain the risks behind it. The grounding would consist of no going out or to friend's houses, no phone, no tv, or other privilages. Then I would not allow her to use the computer at all, even with my supervision, unless it is strictly school-related (under my supervision). If she still refused to delete it, then I would continue taking away special privilages on top of the grounding. (Like knocking before you enter her room, letting her wear make-up, etc.) And if she still wouldn't delete it, then I would begin adding more chores to her list. If by some chance that still didn't change her mind, then I would try to log into her facebook and delete it myself, but that can prove quite tricky of a feat because of all the privacy settings on facebook now days. It may seem harsh, but what she has done is quite dangerous and the fact that she has no right to refuse to delete it after you told her to. She is being very disrespectful by doing that. And like I said, YOU are the parent, not her, so don't go easy on her and let her walk over you. That causes many problems later on and makes her think that she can get away with it again.
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Other answers
Tell her that the next time she can use the computer is when she's ready to delete the account. She may not use the computer for any other reason until she does so.
LiquidPeppermint
I'd reccomend a sort of compromise. Instead of closing the entire account, just ask her to take down the racy pictures and stop being friends with the creepy old guys. That way, you let her keep some of her freedom, while simultaneously keeping her safe.
Daaaah Whoosh
I would make her sign onto facebook and then make her leave the room and you could delete all the pictures of her that you don't like and delete the "friends" of hers that you don't approve of that is if she wants to keep the page, sort of a compromise...if she continues afterward to post seductive pictures of herself; delete the account by reporting it if she won't follow through with deleting it. Anyway, most likely she has those photos saved somewhere else and chances are, if you make her delete it, she'll just make another page under a different name and post the pictures again. Best thing is to sit her down and explain in detail why you don't want her to post those pictures and why you don't want her to have old men as her "friends" If all else fails, take her phone and computer privileges away.
amjmh07
Okie, 1. I would lighten up on letting her use the computer longer. weekends let her use it for 5 hours. Maybe a it longer , 2 hours is good on week days. And whats wrong with skin tight clothes? Depending on what your meaning here, she cant wear skinny jeans or tights? I would lighten up on that a bit. And also before I jump to conclusions....does a parrent or guardian have to be with her when she goes to the mall? What do you mean by natural looking make up? I wear eye shadow,blush,if nessasary a certain makeup that covers up natural marks on my skin, and lip gloss. Its nice that you give her privacy on the phone and that you knock before entering her room, because as we both know, girls are girls. They NEED privacy. I dont mind wearing bikinis because, thats just what girls do. But about all the heavy makeup, you need to explain to her she is not a hooker and that there a creepers out there in the world and bad things could happen. I would watch who she adds, like tell her to delete all the old men and only add people she knows. She is a young girl and has alot ahead of her. I would let her add "friends" people around her age unless they are family members. Girls need privacy, I would let her use the computer without supervision but check to see who she is adding about every week. If its easier, ask her to delete the account and make a new one so you dont have to delete 500 diffrent people taking hours when you could shut it down and make a new one. And tell her you WILL be checking it every week. Hope I helped :)
Suzi
she is 13,i think she is old enough to have a face book,BUT i also agree that she should not have racy or revealing photos of her self on there and she shouldn't have all these older men or people she doesn't know on her face book.i think that you should have her e-mail address and password so you can go on there anytime you want or need to!or if you are positive you don't want her to have a face book don't let her use the computer till she deletes it,don't let her go off with her friends or anything till she does what you want!you are the parent not her,put your foot down!good luck to you!!
Lolly
I read this SAME exact thing earlier , but they were 11.
Nyaaa~
It's almost impossible to delete it. They've made it almost impossible to do that. But you can change the privacy settings for friends only, de-friend all people she doesn't know, delete all of the pictures that you don't approve of and check it weekly for your approval. And I wouldn't lete her have a computer in her room. It's too much to put in the hands of young teens. Porn is everywhere on the internet, facebook you can put anything out there. I would keep the computer in the living room/dining room and she can do her homework there until she can prove she can be trusted with the computer. Wearing tight clothes, sexy clothes, wanting to be seen as older, wearing makeup, etc, is all pretty normal for kids. It's the internet that has changed everything to where all of this is now out there for everyone to see.
Serene E
Delete it yourself. get her email and password and delete it.
Leighton Grace 2-23-10
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