How do I deal with a difficult sibling?

How to deal with an extremely rude sibling?

• I'm a 25 year old gay man who grew up in Indiana and later moved to NYC. My partner and I came home for my grandfathers funeral and since we both had some vacation time we came back a week ago. My brother (aged 22) still lives at home and my dad supports him. My partner and I are both actors and rather successful. My brother dropped out of school 2 times and has had trouble with the law and is a leech. My partner is 40 years old and grew up in Illinois. We went to see his hometown last year and so this was a chance to show him my town. It is also the first time that I have brought a partner back home. Anyway, my brother has been EXTREMELY rude to my partner and I since about the second day we have been here. He all of a sudden turned homophobic and has made some really nasty comments to my partner and I. We put up with it until this past morning when we needed to leave for the funeral and he was still in bed after coming in at 6am from partying. He smelled like a brewery and we were getting in the car and he made us 25min late in leaving. I broke down and let him have it upstairs. He got in the car and went nuts he called my partner and I f*gs, freaks and said we were not normal and he called me a retard (I have Aspergers). He then hit me from the back seat in the back and head like he was a 15 year old. Then at the funeral he lied through his teeth to people about what he was up to with his life. I kept my cool and when people talked to me at the funeral they were like... "WOW! What a sucsess both you and your brother are". I just smiled and held it together acting like all was well with the World. Anyway, my partner wants to fly back today instead of Wendsday morning.... and I agree! My dad keeps out of my brothers rudeness and lies but he keeps supporting his non stop party lifestyle. My brother is going to be 23 and his behavior is getting a bit old. My dad would have never put up with me acting this way! What should I do about my brother being extremely rude? How can I make my partner more at ease so he "might" come back here and visit again? How can I tie my dad in on this issue? Please Help. Thanks.

• Answer:

  Ignore him, I know that it sounds easier said than done, but do it. You have your own life and he needs to get his, he knows where to find you if he needs/wants to but otherwise let him know that his immaturity simply doesn't affect you. It's probably a big shock for him to see you with a partner and I'm not talking about a same sex partner I'm talking about a partner in general, some people just can't embrace change, my brother hates the idea of me with a partner simply because I'm his sister and he was always the most important guy in my life, that and I also thinks he still sees me as his 13, 14 year old bossy sister that cuts his hair.