What should I do for my 18th Birthday?

Disappointing 18th birthday leads to trouble at home. What can I do?

• I turned 18 about 9 days ago and I was really excited to finally become an adult. I vested a lot of importance in this milestone because it marked the ending of my childhood and the start of a new adventure in life. I asked my parents for weeks what they were planning to do or get me as a gift. I really wanted to buy either a bike for college or a single strand of pearls. They didn't say anything so I figured they were going to surprise me. (Additional relevant info: I am going on a school planned international trip later this month so that is a bid expense coming up. However, I was not allowed to go on a trip last year due to financial reasons so they promised me that my senior trip would be special.) So when my birthday came around; I woke up, made myself an egg, and went to school like any other day. My mom barely remembered to say happy birthday as I walked out the door. She did drop off some stater brothers cupcakes at lunch which made me the target of hungry junior boys. When I came home, I told her that I just wanted to have a nice dinner at home so we should cancel our reservations at a restaurant (I also didn't want her to have to spend more money than she had to.) She brought home take-out... Then, when it came down to the gift, they both jointly got me a necklace. A blue sapphire that they picked out hours before from costco. I saw the same necklace for $30 at target the week before. I was so upset that they put almost no thought into my birthday, but I put on a happy face and politely asked them if I could return the necklace and buy the pearls I had originally asked for. When my dad handed me the $400 refund, he told me "by the way, you owe me $500 for your school trip." I spend 70 hours a week studying so naturally I don't have a job. I forked up the $400 and an additional $100 that I got from my grandma. More than the stinging of the monetary loss and kissing goodbye to the college bike or pearls, I feel like my parents didn't really think about my birthday, much less care. I have been miserable for the past week because I can't get over how my parents seem to view me as a walking bill. I understand that I am expensive, but I am also their daughter and this birthday meant a lot to me. I hate feeling so objectified and they guilt trip me every day about how much I am costing them. The animosity in my house is unbearable. I have called a counselor three times this week and cried for hours. They all suggest just talking to my parents but every conversation ends in screaming. My sister says I am having a pity party and that turning 18 means that people don't care how old I am anymore. I know that I am being selfish and my expectations are too high, but I feel like I can't forgive my parents for neglecting this important event in my life and instead, deliberately hurting my feelings. I don't think I can survive another 3 months with my family and I am at the breaking point. I want to move in with my uncle and stay with him until college starts, but I don't want to impose. What can I do?

• Answer:

  As the mother of son who will be 18 in September, I don't feel you're being selfish nor were your expectations too high. Turning 18 is a big deal. You know your situation better than anyone, and if you feel that you cannot stand living under those conditions for the next three months, then you should talk with your uncle about staying with him. If he says no and if there isn't any other option, you're just going to have to deal with it. Keep your mouth shut to keep the peace, then leave for college. Three months will pass quickly. At least part of the time you'll be on a trip. That moment in your life will never happen again, so make sure that you don't allow your parents to ruin any other milestone or event. And, most importantly, forgive them. Not for them, but for yourself. Harboring bad feelings will hurt you more than anyone else and will be detrimental to your life. On a personal note, I didn't get anything special for my 18th either. (Or my 16th or 21st or college graduation.) It was hurtful. But, that was how it was. My mother is still like that many years later. So now I make sure every event in my son's life is special, and sometimes we even celebrate those "unspecial" days.