Odd jobs+courses on resume?

How do I "pad" my resume without getting caught?

• Due to my crappy interviewing skillz (shutup spell checker, those misspellings are intended), I have never been able to get a job in the field I studied for (information technology). My four year degree and multiple legit Microsoft certifications don't matter. No, what matters is that I look and act like an inexperienced child. I come across as cute looking, sweet, shy and honest, but a little nerdy, and incapable of handling any responsibility. I don't have a problem communicating with people when it involves solving a tech related issue (in fact, a few of my moms friends come to me instead of the "Geek Squad"), but I am not very good at "small talk", and most job interviews seem to favor people with uber small talk skillz. The bottom line is that my brain is incapable of doing well at a job interview. I honestly believe that even if I practiced like mad, I would still come across as being a little "off". My only hope is that I luck out and that the person interviewing me will emphasize actual job skills over job interview skills. However, to find such a person, I need to go to as many job interviews as possible, and therein lies the problem. Due to the fact that I have not had a job for over two years, and the fact that I have never had an IT related job, my resume is almost always tossed in the bin by the HR department (because obviously, the best people already have jobs, herp derp). I used to occasionally get a job interview, but my growing employment gap eventually put a stop to that. So I have a choice. I can keep doing what I have been doing (which will most likely result in me living the rest of my life in a depression, and contributing almost nothing to society), or I can do the supposedly "wrong" thing and "pad" my resume (AKA "lie on my resume"). Padding my resume would allow me to eventually get a job, become happy again (for the first time in five years) and contribute to the success of the company employing me (by using my weird obsession with technical facts). The latter seems like a better choice, for me as well as for society, does it not? Now, I have done some research on the subject of lying on ones resume, and have found several methods that are seemingly almost impossible to detect. For example, I can list a place of employment that has recently gone out of business (thus making it hard to verify if I ever worked there or not). I have read that it's a bad idea to lie on the job application, because it must be signed by you. However, since the resume is not signed by you, you may lie on it, sans the fear of being sued in the future. I already have a four year degree and several IT certifications, so I don't need to lie about that. My question is, do any of you have any other good resume padding tips? I would also like to emphasize that I would not be doing this if I did not truly feel that I was the best person for the job. If more American companies emphasized job skills instead of interview skills, this would not be necessary.=)

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