Heavy Backpack making shoulders ache?

Someone just help me out. Please?

• I don't know how many times I've asked this question. But to no avail. I just need some feedback on this. Please The Virgin Battles Chapter 1: Immolates The most merciful are the ones that kill. —————————————————————————————— "You need to work on your direct combat and your quick decision making, Nichollas. Let’s try this way."  My instructor, Layba, stated with a firm tone.  She backed 10 feet away from me while being careful not to step on any of the weapons around her and waited for me to strike. Yanking the shimmering army knife from my belt I weighed my options. Around us stood synthetically designed jungle plants which I knew concealed weapons behind every leaf. I had an army knife, so I could openly attack or I could direct her to make the 1st move. Yet, I could use the environment to my advantage somehow or I could make a distraction while I looked for a more useful weapon. I stared at her sides, the left was slightly uncovered. Upon deciding with a cry of performance rage I lunged forward protecting myself with my right arm over vital organs, and shot for her left side which was partially exposed since her armor was too small for her Amazonian height. Layba had the height advantage of 1 foot and the advantage of her years of instructing attacking and counterattacking, she was ahead of me in every way. She expected this. Layba countered me by using a leg to swipe me off my balance, but despite my mundane falling strikes she grabbed my free arm while I was trying to find balance and yanked me up to face her. My instructor disappointedly heaved and yet still courteously glazed into my eyes. "You know better than to take more than a split-second to look at your final target and to let that be the last thing you examine. Amateur’s mistakes. Again." She said releasing me to the sturdy ground making my shoulders especially ache from being involuntarily grasped. With a deep breath I quickly thought of Layba. She was always analytically calm in her attacks and she was suspecting of almost every factor, but knowing her I knew the factor she could hardly consider. "Lay-lay. Well, aren’t you contagious?" I coquettishly whispered with a slight swish of my hair. Then Layba smirked and crouched into a more protective position, but the subtle widening of her eyes was unmistakeable. I sauntered to her, knife still in my hand, and placed one hand on her stiff arm to further my plan. She stiffed up and shook my arm away with little droplets of sweat plunging from her forehead. Yet, she still stood in the same position as if unsure of what to do.   "Lay-lay, you worry much too much. Why don't you just relax..." I whispered and leisurely strolled along to her backside. She quickly reacted by turning around and grabbing my arm which I was about to use to soothe her with. “Lay, do I remind you of someone?” I gently mumbled, while still in her grasp, just loud enough for her to hear.  With a watchful swoop Layba yanked my unresisting body up in the air again. Her posture seemed to hiss to be careful of what I did, but her eyes spoke otherwise. I leaned in to her torso and slightly blew a soft wisp of air unto her neck. Her eyes widened and her mouth quivered. She had cracked. “Nichollas...” She warned doing a sufficient job of attacking calm, but the rise of her tone was inevitable. I just noticed that her arms began to shake and she seemed distracted for a split-second. Which was exactly all the time I would need. With that I poked my hungry knife at her small exposed portion signifying that if we really had been in combat I would have shoved my knife there. Layba, with the calm yet distant look in her eyes, released me in which this time I was ready to fall. It took her a few moments where she took quick deep breaths to remain from screaming. Then she quickly snapped out of her reverie and into a proud gaze at me. “Good work, Nichollas. You’re ready.” But, something didn’t sound quite right in the last sentence. And, my suspicions were verified when I heard the rustling of synthetic leaves and the rowdy grabbing of my body from behind. With one glare at Layba, I realized what was going on. “I have Faith in you, Faith that you’ll be the Unseen. You’re ready for the Virgin Battles.” She declared with a placed smile. But, as I was being smuggled away I locked in a mutually surprised glance with Layba, the growing wetness of her eyes was unmistakeable. As I fought and cried out for an answer trying with all that to loosen the reins on my doom, I became aware of what would happen next.  I was being and would be forced to fight in the Virgin Battles, a Fight to The Death.

• Answer:

  woww....this is amazing...i would love to read the whole story.... :D:D the only thing i would say would be tht i couldnt quite fully picture this in my head so maybe you could be a little more descriptive? BUT I LOVED THIS!!! PLZ write more!!!! :D:D:D BTW rlly interesting idea...i am rlly interested now...