How do I make my thesis statement more specific?

Can you make a good thesis statement for what I am going to write?

• This is my thesis statement for my upcoming essay. I am writing about main characters' wife or girlfriend from stories of Shakesphere. "While the characters of Ophelia, Lady Macbeth, Juliet, and Cleopatra are different in time, place, and attitude, there are similarities of these characters due to their love, mental diagnosis, and tragedies depicted by Shakesphere." My professor said my thesis statement is weak. She said if I want a good essay, I should make a good thesis statement. She also mentioned my thesis statement does not work due that not ALL characters of whom I mentioned have mental diagnosis such as Juliet and Cleopatra. However, She likes my idea of similarities upon characters. Well, Juliet does not have any mental diagnosis... She just love Romeo deeply. Ophelia though, she has mental diagnosis since she went psychotic after seeing her dear Hamlet talking to 'his father.' Lady Macbeth go chaotic due to guilt. Cleopatra loves Antony and have pride but shows no any sign of mental diagnosis at all. I guess the thesis should be changed completely but it's hard to find similarities upon those characters. Can anyone revise my old thesis to a good thesis statement that my teacher mentioned?

• Answer:

  Hi there, I think your main problem is in suggesting that they all have a 'diagnosis' of a mental condition, because only Lady Macbeth is actually seen by a doctor. So, although WE can diagnose them, that's a subjective view, which others might not agree with. The 'and tragedies' bit of your statement seems a little weak, too. You could perhaps change this to 'fates' and delve into the idea of them being doomed from the beginning. You could shift your focus a bit and look at how all four of them 'break with the conventions of accepted femininity'. Of course, they all have differing reasons for doing so. This doesn't prevent you from doing a little psychoanalysis of the girls, if that facet of their characters still holds strong interest for you. No matter what you decide to do, you might find these two articles helpful, as they delve into the female characters of Shakespeare and how they're similar/different: http://whatsitallaboutshakespeare.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/shakespeares-women-feminism-and.html http://whatsitallaboutshakespeare.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/are-shakespeares-plays-sexist.html Hope that helps!