College Admission Essay Help?

Help with essay! 15 points to best answer.?

• Hi I'm in 8th grade and I need some help on my essay. Please revise and edit my essay. Please change some boring words to some really interesting words. Occupation: Surgeons Being a doctor requires a lot of hard work, determination, and patience. In order to be a doctor, you need to start from high school. You need to take courses like AP and a lot of honor classes. During high school, I would be involved in a foreign language club, chess club, and volunteer work. I would need to take the normal courses, and a lot of science. After high school, I would need to study up to 10 years after high school for a medical education and further education. During college, I would need to study biology, science, chemistry, physics, anatomy, physiology, psychology, history, foreign languages, safety and first aid, and statistics. Even if I do get my medical degree and master’s degree, I would need to somewhere to work, either at my own hospital, or other people’s hospitals and offices. As a doctor, I would earn the median pay of $282,500 and I would have to be able to explain my ideas clearly when I’m speaking, noticing when something is working or likely to go wrong, and be able to decide if something is likely to go wrong. Being a doctor isn’t easy. You need to pass the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). After you pass the MCAT, you have your residencies. Even after that, you need to pass the United States Medical Licensing Exam (USMLE). Then after, you can legally work in the U.S. and related territories. There are many reasons why being a surgeon is for me. One reason is because I love helping people. Injured and suffering people bring me melancholy. Injured animals are suffering so much, yet there are so little people helping out. I am learning science and mathematics in school right now and it will help me a lot later in my life. There are many types of surgeons, with a variety of specialties and levels of training. The education of surgeon ranges from training in many types of procedures, such as general surgery, to highly specialized such as pediatric neurosurgery. Some types of surgeries include; anesthesiology, bariatric surgery, cardiac surgery, cardiothoracic surgery, color and rectal surgery, general surgery, gynecologic surgery, maxillofacial surgery, neurosurgery, obstetrics, oncology, ophthalmology, oral surgery, orthopedic surgery, otolaryngology (ear, nose, and throat, ENT), pediatric surgery, plastic surgery, podiatry surgery, thoracic surgery, transplant surgery, trauma surgery, vascular surgery, and many more. Personally, I would like to be a cardiac surgeon. Cardiovascular (cardiac) surgery is surgery on the heart or great vessels performed by cardiac surgeons. Frequently, it is done to treat complications of ischemic heart disease,( for example, coronary artery bypass grafting), correct congenital heart disease, or treat valvular heart disease from various causes including endocarditic, rheumatic heart disease and atherosclerosis. It also includes transplantation. The median salary per year is about $403,486. Some tools I will use when I am a doctor are as following: scalpels, needles, clams, and retractors. I will also use pacemakers. Surgeons are one of the key roles in life. The surgeons help other people’s lives and try their best to make sure the patient doesn’t die and bring melancholy for the patient’s family. This is why surgeons and doctors are people who are needed by the public and society. Being a doctor may be hard, but in the end, the end result is extremely joy-giving. One person’s life saved and the family being jolly.

• Answer:

  Some notes to help you out. I'm not rewriting your essay for you, but I'll give you some tips. You started out saying "you" and changed to "I". Choose one and stick with it. After high school, you will need 11-15+ years of further training. Surgeons are a minimum of 13 years. CT surgeons, a minimum of 16 years. You don't need a master's degree. Most of us go right from undergraduate college to medical school. You CAN get a masters, but it isn't necessary. The MCATis taken as an undergraduate student. Then you do 4 yrs of med school. THEN you do your residency. The USMLE is in 3 parts, taken during and after med school. Anesthesiology (what I do) isn't a type of surgery. We keep surgical patients alive and comfortable. Surgeons use clamps, not clams. That's a funny typo. You have obviously done a lot of research. Good job so far on the essay. If you are looking for other word choices, try reading it out loud to yourself,and you may find other words to use.