Is it normal for me to feel this way?

Is it somewhat normal to feel this way after growing up like this? How do I feel better?

• I have a lot of social problems. Or maybe it's just all in my head. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. Since I was four, I have lived with my stepmom, two stepsisters (one the same age and one a year younger), and my dad. My mom lives a half hour away in the city and is schizoaffective. My dad pretty much didn't care about interacting with me or anyone in a healthy way. He was emotionally abusive (calling us incompetent retards etc) and sometimes physically. My dad's basic parenting philosophy was to just let us do whatever we wanted with no intervention. He always told us how hard the "real world" was. My stepmom mostly just cared for her kids. When I visited my mom she would just drink with her friends or talk on the phone and when she did talk to me she would tell me terrible things about my dad and stepmom that made me dislike them. My stepsisters and I fought a lot. So did my stepmom and dad. I never really had true friends in school. I was so shy. Everyone said I was too nice and really quiet. Now I am 19. I hardly have any friends. I have a really low self esteem. I just don't know who I am or what I want to do with my life. I think I've always been dysthymic. I still live with my dad, stepmom, and one stepsister. We haven't really talked much in the past few years. We've eaten dinner together a handful of times and only on special occasions. During my last years of high school I just worked, hung out with boyfriend (which I still have), and did schoolwork. Now I feel so isolated. I feel like everyone probably thinks I am a little weird bc I am so awkward and always say the wrong thing. I can't hold a normal conversation. I feel very incompetent at anything I do. I have a lot of anxiety and always wonder if I have certain mental disorders. I'm so scared of turning out like my mom. I blush a lot. Sometimes my life really gets me down and I just feel like a pathetic loser. I feel hopeless and desperate and lonely. I feel very underdeveloped in my social skills and I just don't know how to improve. I feel like if I do improve people will think I'm weird for all of a sudden changing. I told my dad that I'm depressed and he jjust said that he is depressed too and I just have to get over it. However, sometimes I feel better. I've noticed that this is usually when I am around people. I have had the same boyfriend for three years. I haven't really been feeling very connected to him emotionally in a long time. Also, I have been eating pretty healthfully and do work out. I've been sort of a health nut for a year now which makes me think I am even weirder. I eat a lot of organic fruits and vegis, but also other stuff. I also have a sister who is ten years older. She experienced worse things than me (my mom was schizophrenic and not medicated and dad was more abusive). She is doing really great. We see the same counselor and the counselor tells me that I have some depression and anxiety and am shy. And that maybe I have an adjustment disorder. Okay I'll stop with my sob story now. I guess that what I want is advice and validation of my feelings and myself. Please no hate comments, I already know I'm pathetic

• Answer:

  Now that you have graduated from high school you are most likely trying to adjust to the next phase of your life, it can be a bit challenging and if your father and stepmother aren't that friendly and supportive it's not going to help much either. I would look for services and other family members that can help you out in this area. The questions that you should be asking yourself right now, where do you want to be 10 years from now, do you want to go to university and get a degree in something? maybe you could PhD in something that you were good at in high school? Do you want to work on your relationship with your boyfriend and see where that takes you? do you want to get training for a certain job? The thing is now if you just do nothing for 10 years you will remain where you are now. You need to pick up and start to make a plan for yourself and your future. This is what everyone does for their future. I understand that you are stressed just by thinking of it, but please pick yourself up and work on what you want to do and what you want to be in the next 10 years. Plus if you do the above you will be able to get away from those people that have been abusive. Take Care and I hope it all works out