My friend can do this cool thing on msn...how?

How should I behave? I screwed my ex boyfriend's best friend :S?

• Look I know how it's gonna seem to you, but I'm not a slut. (Just so we are clear). I have always been the kind of girl who does her homework when asked to, I'm the nerdy girl who comes out of the classroom late & .. I've always been shy as far as boys are concerned, well shy isn't the word but let's say I am always second-guessing myself around them. I spend my time avoiding eyes contact and talking only with boy friends who I am sure won't have any interest in me romantically speaking. Now about my big deal : One friend of mine had a party for her birthday. I didn't want to go (I had just learnt that my boyfriend had been cheating on me for abt 1 year ). I was so depressed that I called it off in fact. Another friend of mine decided I had to change my mind, you know calm down and move on, she talked me into going at my friend's birthday. There were a lot of strangers, and only 1 guy from my high school (my best friend's ex-boyfriend). My friend gave me alcohol, I drunk even if I knew I shouldn't have. I don't drink much, because I've that embarrassing habit of ending up in underwear, and when I used to, my friends (who are in my class) stopped me. It's an understanding. So help me, I thought we wouldn't be drinking much, let alone enough to get blackout drunk. But here I am, 4 days later .. I am beginning to remember some things, I lost my virginity with my best friend's ex O_o, I don't remember everything, but I'm sure of that. I asked him about it, he told me that yes we were drunk and had sex, he said he hadn't used a condom and that he didn't *** inside me ("freak-out moment I ran to buy an after morning pile, fortunately, we had sex one day before my period so I couldn't get pregnant) I feel so bad ! First because I lost my virginity to someone I love dearly as a friend, but also because I might lose my best friend if people came to know about it. My virginity was a big thing to me, I wanted to lose it to someone I loved, not drunk.. Now I feel so guilty . I talked to the guy, he told me he didn't mean that to happen (Like me) and said he would do anything to prevent people from talking. While he'd been dating my best friend, we somehow got friends and trust each other. So I trust him to keep it to himself. He is trustworthy and all. I love him deeply but only as a friend. Yesterday I went out with my best friend, (so help me I felt so guilty) I know she thought something had happened at the party, but she didn't ask. Thanks god. She told me, that she tried to move on, to find another boy friend and forget her ex but that she doesn't succeed. :awkward: They stopped dating like a month ago... But guilt kept eating me .. The worst is that she wanted to pick up her ex (They're still friends), so we did join him :/ I pretended that nothing happened and he did the same. Later, I called him and apologized, we decided that it would be cool to simply forget it. I agreed. Today, my friend who celebrated her birthday, asked me to hang out. I couldn't .. Everyone who was there, know about "the virginity" thing, I just can't deal with it. Not now anyway. I wonder a lot of questions such as : "Was I the one to jump into his bed? Did they give me drug? (I think I remember that Jess' (another guy) gave something weird to smoke ^^ ) . And what if I get pregnant anyway ? Did he know I was virgin?" I haven't slept ever since :/ I just can't .. Should I tell my best friend ? Should I talk about it ? And how can I move on ? The more I tried to think about other things the more I seem to remember :/ Please help me ;S

• Answer:

  You have to be mature about this situation. You are not a slut in any way. Like you said this is a mistake, so you learn from it. If people talk about it, so what... And you should be a little relieved about the situation because it could of been worse... What if it was someone you did not know at all and took advantage of you? Plus, it seems like you guys have a very good understanding about the situation and agreed to stay as friends. Communication plays a huge part in this situation. If you feel like telling your best friend about it, like you can really trust him/her then go for it. Explain how you feel and you know you learned from it. You should consider yourself lucky in many ways. Like I said it could of been much worse.....Gang rape or all kinds of other stuff. Things like this happen all the time at parties and the main thing is....ALCOHOL. Everyone knows that liquor makes people do stupid stuff and that's that. But don't worry. You will be fine and really think about all the negative, bad things that could of happened. You can know now to be extra careful for the future. Hope you get some rest....