How To Check If Someone Is Invisible On Skype?

Someone with real online dating experience please help me...?

• Okay, so here's the situation. I'm 23 years old. A little over 3 years ago, I got an IM from a random guy in response to a question I posted here on Y!A. We really hit it off well from the very beginning. We had a friendly conversation with a little bit of flirting. We ended up chatting again the next night, and the night after that. Soon we were chatting almost every day. After a few months we exchanged photos (nothing sexual). A few months after that we started having audio calls over Skype. After about a year we exchanged racier photos. 6 months after that we exchanged phone numbers and started having regular phone calls (4-7 days a week). A little after that we started having video chats. We've wanted to meet for an in-person date for over a year now but I was in college and didn't have much time or money, and the distance between us is 7 hours by car plus an hour time difference. We finally have the chance to meet up, so we've set a date for next weekend. We're going to meet halfway. Since it's such a long drive, we want to make the most of our time, so we're meeting in the early afternoon and spending the day together, having a nice dinner, and spending the night in a hotel before leaving the next morning. We're both very interested in each other. Neither of us has done any online dating before so this is all new to both of us. We both know that it would take someone very special to want to drive 4 hours for a first date. We've talked about pretty much everything but we still want to be careful and not go too far this first time. We're very attracted to each other sexually but we agreed a long time ago that we would NOT have intercourse on a first date. I myself am pretty sure I don't want intercourse until I'm married. But I really do want to sleep naked with him and I really want us to give each other oral sex. But I'm torn, because I've never considered myself to be the type to have any kind of sex on a first date. I don't want to feel like or appear to be a slut. On the other hand, we have been talking for over 3 years and are very close and trusting of each other. It wouldn't be like we just bumped into each other at a bar and decided to go home and get naked. He has assured me that I would not be a slut if things got a bit sexual. And I know he isn't just saying that because he's a guy and he's horny. He's very respectful and I've found that sex is nowhere near the top of his list. I actually bring up the topic of sex more than he does. He's 38 and has only had 2 sexual partners which were both long-term relationships. I've only done anything sexual with one guy so far. I really, really want to do this with him. I'm very comfortable with him so far so that shouldn't be an issue. I guess I'm just looking for an understanding outside opinion. And please don't tell me that I shouldn't meet him. I've gotten a full background check on him. He is 15 years older than me but has a clean record. He also has a 5 year old daughter who he has been raising on his own since birth, so he's very responsible.

• Answer:

  You should obviously use your own judgment here and only do things that make you feel comfortable, but I'm not sure that you should get a hotel room with him after your first date together. It's way too soon, even if you've been talking to him for so long. I've had a decent amount of experience with online dating and didn't always use my best judgment. Just try to trust me when I say that it's a really good thing to take things slow once you meet. Here's how online dating often works. You start talking to this guy who seems ok. The more you talk, the more you're beginning to like him. After months and months of talking, you think this guy is awesome, but you still don't REALLY know him. You've grown to like the person he projects himself to be over the computer and phone, but you've still not had a real interaction with him. I think one of the worst things you can do in online dating is to delay the first meeting, but I understand the distance made it tricky in your situation. It makes people susceptible to falling in love with a fantasy, rather than the real person whom they've never gotten to know. My advice is for you to get your own hotel room when you get there. On the first date, try to keep all interactions with him in a public setting. A guy once told me, "Make a guy take you out on a first date, and don't let him back to your apartment. That's a privilege he must earn." I learned to follow that philosophy which helped prevent future problems. Also, I'm not telling you to stay away from this guy because he's 38, but try to be realistic about the age difference. I used to talk to a guy who was about 15 years older, divorced, and had two kids. He seemed like a good person, and I found him very attractive, but I knew that the age difference put us at different places in our lives. He had already experienced a lot more in his life, and I was just a college student still trying to find my place in the world. Age is more than just a number, but go for it if it seems right to you. Best of luck to you on your first date!