My mum won't let me get a phone!!!!!?

• I'm 13, almost 14 (in June). I'm a straight A student and I never mess around. ALL of my friends have phones but my mum won't let me get one. I just want to have a way to communicate with them without using my mum's phone or the Internet. My mum is sometimes really strict even though I'm a perfect child! My mum and dad work so after school, I have to go to my gran's house and she doesn't have a mobile- OR the Internet. There's only her and my grandpa living there so there's not much to do except watch something on the mini TV.. :L When I asked my dad to give me his phone that he doesn't use (he has 2), he said yes if my mum said yes. So I asked my mum but she said i'm too young... I don't understand why though, she knows I would never do anything wrong! I also have a few Muslim friends so then she said 'just because your wild paki friends have one, you don't need to.' that got me really pissed off because whether they're christians or Muslims, they're my friends and I love them. I managed to keep my anger under control so I just went to my room. That was too racist- she doesn't let me go to my friends houses unless SHE knows them and sometimes I feel like I'm trapped and I can't do anything. Since then, I have only made small-talk with her.. A few days ago, I asked her again and she said she'll think about it on the weekend. So yesterday, her and my dad had a talk and she managed to 'hypnotize' him aswell! Now my dad thinks i'm too young to have a phone. I REALLY want one and I even cry -.- ... Just now, me and my parents had an argument and she said if I continue being stroppy and not talking to her, she'll sed me to boarding school! Wtf, she is being so paranoid!!!! She keeps saying 'when you're a parent, you'll understand' that just annoys me even more! I know she's trying to look out for me but I feel like she OWNS me! I want a phone SO badly ... How can I change her mind?? PS:- I have a big sister who is 15 (16 in September) and she isn't allowed to have a phone either! I don't thinks she wants one but if she asks my mum, she'll probably say yes as always :/ I had another little sister (9 in November) and a little brother (11 in august). PPS:- I know my mum had a rough few years with my dad having an affair and my little sister dying but she is still being paranoid.. PPS:- (last one! ;P) If it helps, my mum is religious and doesn't let me swear... Even though she swears sometimes! So once I was talking to my friend and she swore in her text message (it was just a sarcastic funny joke) but my mum changed her mind about getting me a mobile. (I was textng my friend through my mums mobile, btw) don't get me wrong- I love her and she does everything for us but this is getting frustrating and confusing!! I want a phone really badly :'(

• Answer:

  It sounds like your mum is over-protective, and as you say this may be to do with your sister dying ( sometimes parents react to this experience by becoming paranoid about the safety of their remaining children), and maybe she links your dad's affair to mobiles/the internet, like if she found out about it by looking at his phone or internet history? It's a shame, as ultimately she risks her children going behind her back and this is much more dangerous as she won't be able to monitor your behaviour. There is no avoiding mobiles, the internet and any other future technology that will come along in your life, and so I believe it is the parent's responsibility to teach children how to use these technologies safely and wisely- it's just as important as things like crossing the road safely! I don't think it's helpful for you to avoid your mum because you're angry about this issue, although I can really understand how you must be feeling- you do need to keep the communication going. I think the best thing to do for now would be to let it go, so that she and you relax about it for a few weeks. You know, sometimes you have to choose your battles, and if she's getting a bit fixated about it, you going on about it will only make her worse! Then explain to her what I said about you needing to learn safe usage, the fact that all jobs these days require IT knowledge so you need the skills (btw, if you take IT for GCSE you'll have to learn it!), and remind her that actually mobiles are a good way for parents to track and keep in touch with their children's whereabouts.