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Does fitrum really work?

Do you think he really wants thing to work..but honestly has commitment issues?

  • I've been dating this guy since January ( 3months) . We met through mutual friends. My friends warned me about it..saying hes a greally good guy but has never been in a serious relationship with a girl since H.S and he's 30. They said "he says" he wants to try a relationship and wants to settle down.. but they noticed whenever he gets close to someone he pulls away. He told his friends how much he liked me . Whenever he was really forward with his feelings was when he was drinking...he was shy and closed off otherwise. We became intimate and he would say things like he really wants it to work and wants me to stay the night..but then I wouldnt hear from him for a week after and he would have some excuse that he's been busy. All his friends that know him say Im the first girl theyve seen him really excited about. But it's been 4 months nothing has progressed and he doesnt even call me consistantly..and recently let a month go by without making plans to see me, and saying hes been so busy with work..and working on his apartment. I feel like we progressed and got closer and then he pulled away. I texted him saying I like you and im sad about this..but clearly your not worried about this working if you let a month go by without wanting to see me...and i said i dont see the point of us going to a game a month from now if your clearly not looking to pursue this anywhere. He answered saying hes upset and sad I feel that way but he can't help that is how he is, he takes things very slowly..and he does really want things to work. He also said he didnt feel I was making enough effort to see him. Which I replied by saying if you showed more effort to see me, then I would return the effort equally but I never got that feeling. I just said i appreciate him being honest with me...and now hes been messaging me like normal again asking about work as if nothig happened..saying we should go for a drink etc. I dont know if I should give him another chance but I feel if he really does have commitment issues..I dont know if it will ever work?I really like him a lot and im scared.

  • Answer:

    Why pursue a relationship with a guy who shows such little interest in you? You can't change him, you know.

*MLove* at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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To be honest i have the same problem but there is a big age gap I'm 25 yrs younger the mine, he don't text or nothing anymore. i was told by all my friends that i told if you let it go and it comes back its yours.

Star

I think you two need to get together and get to really know one another. If you want to understand why he pulls away, I'm sure the answer will be found in the way he was raised. We develop our coping strategies at a very young age. If a person has been let down time and time again without having done anything to deserve it or ask for it, they tend to put up walls. If a child grows up in a home where mother or father has abandoned responsibility or if they were handed over to the courts to be taken care of, there is a fear of abandonment that carries into adulthood. No matter how inappropriate the coping strategy may seem, it's what has worked in the past. If a person gets too close to someone who is fearful of being left, the fear of it kicks in and they begin to PUSH you away in order to be in control of their own hurts. In other words, you will not be allowed to hurt him and he will go as far as hurting himself in order to have control of his hurt. Make sense????? I could be TOTALLY off base about why he might back away, but who knows. If you want to grow closer to someone, learn about how they grew up. In only four months together, I dare say you haven't talked too much about childhood fun, but rather have been getting to know each other for who you are today. He might have just been let down too many times and is having a hard time developing MORE APPROPRIATE coping strategy because he's never had a very 'healthy' relationship. If you casually brought up something that you did as a kid that was really funny or really stupid, he might be inclined to share with you some kind of memory. If he doesn't want to talk about him and just wants to hear about you, keep talking. If he does have a past that's hard to visit, it's never a good idea to push or pry into it. As the trust develops between you and as the commitment grows, he will begin to be able to open up with you. But it could take awhile and YOU need to be patient. ' Don't take it personal. If he is of ill character just because, I don't think you'd be really into him as you say you are. There's probably more to it than what you think or see. Try not to let your feelings take over and be thinking about yourself only and how you feel but try to UNDERSTAND him and have COMPASSION. Go for a drink with the man. Try to give him a healthy companionship that he can feel secure in. Good luck!!

Moe

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