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My husband had an affair w/co-worker can I trust him at work again?

  • Ok so this time last year(around March) I found out my husband was messing around w/this chicken head at his job I was so hurt! He said it was an emotional affair, we separated for like 2mths I was a train wreck(he was really trying to leave me after 11yrs of marriage,3kids & a dog)..I cried and pleaded w/him to come back home and he did,he apologized and promised it was over and that we would work on making us better(I believed him) I even went to therapy and read up on how to be a better wife(to be honest it was some things I needed to work on too)...so going forward I though this entire year we were on the right track! I would ask him just on the random: Bay are we good? Is there anything you need to talk about? Am I being what you need? And his response was always: Why are you asking if we good? Yes we are ok and no I dont need to talk about anything...so I was like ok well we are good than. So just about 3weeks ago I found out that my husband was at it again and with the same person! I was soooo hurt! I found out b/c I started checking his phone records & found he was talking w/some1 for way to long & at all times of the day and night..I noticed one night that he was still up on his phone while laying in bed(around 3-4 am)I asked him: bay why arent you sleep & he said Im not sleepy Im just playing some games on the phone,well the next day I checked his phone records,called the number and to my surprise it was "HER" I dogged the crap out of him and he denied it yet again to my face! I told him I have proof and I even spoke to the little tramp! We argued and than when I told him I was really done with him and I was going to divorce him and he can have that ugly chicken head(by the way she has 4 damn KIDS by different baby daddys & looks like ****)..He snapped out of it and started to cry and apologize and say he was being ooooh so dumb and he does not want to throw everything away! He admitted to sleeping with her too! So it was not just an "EMOTIONAL AFFAIR" Man this still hurts to talk about! It was like he just came to himself..I believed him & over the next 2wks I took him back..Well here is the kicker he just made management on his job and b/c im not working if he ups and quits it will hurt our family,now b/c im a women I know even tho he broke it off with her she still has feelings for him and wants him(after all he did give a hoe hope)..so once he's out of training he will be back in the same resturant working w/her and I hate it! His job also has a strict policy against dating co-workers and he could be fired so Im thinking that is another reason why he really "so called" ended it(i dont know)...I do love him and believe he meant it this time but still working around her...I am not at all comfortable w/that and knowing how hard he worked to get into management I don't know if it would be right for me to make him quit(I feel like if he quits he will than resent me in the long run)...What do I do? Can I trust him? We are christians and believe in marriage(understanding we as humans make mistakes)..our faith is against divorce so Im not sure if I want to go that route...any advice would be helpful.

  • Answer:

    Christianity or any other faith promotes marriage to be a sacred coming together of two people, however, any faith that is against divorce treads the fine line of dictatorship. It is obvious that your husbands faith is not as strong as yours. I would say be very careful not to use your faith as a shield to hide behind because you are unable to face the reality of your situation. You have both made children and share a dog, thats good news isn't it. There are many couples who cannot conceive so you have been blessed. A relationship where trust has been broken can be mended but it seem's that your husband did not learn his lesson the first time around and was willing to jeopardise the happiness of you and your family. No amount of lessons to be a good wife will work if your husband is not willing to be a good husband. Besides, these lessons are just a money making scam as we are what we are. I understand that your children will be heart-broken and you will have to pick up the majority of the pieces. As for work, you will be entitled to child maintenance and you could also work part time, you will appreciate having other people around you and may even make new friends and find alternative support away from your faith. Do not be a victim of your husbands choices. Be strong and tell him that if his affairs continues he will leave you no choice but to divorce him and that he will have to sit down with the children and explain the situation if you decide that he should leave. It will not be easy but you can rebuild your life after him because you had one before him and before the children. Do not make the mistake of asking him to change who he is to suit you. If it is broken then you will not be able to fix it regardless. Sometimes things happen for a reason as we go through the flow of life it either brings people together or drives them apart, even if its not what we want. Work out what you want, do you love him or the concept of a husband good or bad? Marriage guidance may work or not but you will have to try something as you cannot go on this way. It will be very wrong of you to ask him to give up his job as well as irresponsible given you have 3 children to support. Good luck and stay strong.

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First I am sorry to hear of your situation. I have had to deal with this situation before...well kind of. I was the one who cheated on my husband...twice. He forgave me and sometimes he remembers and he asks those same questions. I think for reassurance. I love him and he loves me. I made a mistake or two. If you want to stay...the choice is yours and a hard one at that. Does this mean he wont do it again...that depends on him. Don't blame yourself cause it is not your fault. He is the one making that choice...and trust me...its not cause you may not act a certain way or do something...because there is always a compromise in a relationship. I wish you well...

daddys girl

pray for jesus to save your marege

Ella

what I took from that was... he has cheated on you multiple times and you will always take him back you need him way more than he needs you you need him for his money if he cheats on you again you will take him back again...so why make a big deal about it he walks all over you because you let him...and that seems to work for you two as a couple

Bronson

He deceived, betrayed and was unfaithful. Again! One can forgive, that is up to you. But can you really forget? He cheated on you twice. And the first time you tried to blame you, you went to councelling. But he still did not have a problem to hurt you again. That can only mean, that he does not respect you and has not got genuine feelings for you. I personally think you deserve better. But this is really your decision. Can you trust him?? I would not. But it is for you to answer.

I applaud that you were open to working on what you perceived were your own faults; I'm not suggesting you are responsible for his cheating, I'm just saying it takes two people to kill a relationship. Emotional affairs are different than sexual ones; sexual affairs are much easier to deal with and much easier to get over. You said that YOU went to therapy but did not mention if he went or not. Couples' counseling is the best thing for the two of you. Emotional affairs usually indicate there's something missing in the relationship - so there's something he's not getting from you that he gets from her. Again, this is not your fault. You've put in the effort to work on the relationship, you went to therapy, you've made attempts to talk to him about it since and he's done nothing but shut you down. You are not a mind reader, and it's his responsibility as your partner in life to tell you what he needs that he's not getting. Rather than open up to you like an adult he chose to take the lowest possible road. He's told you he broke it off, but he told you that once before. Just because he's in management does not mean he'll stop seeing her. He could transfer her to another restaurant (if he works for a chain of restaurants), he could keep it purely sexual on the side outside of the work place and act totally professional at work (it happens all the time). My point is you need to decide if you can really trust him. If you can't, then you either need to find a way to live with the situation as it is or reconcile your beliefs and leave him. Just because you are a christian who does not believe in divorce, does not mean you are supposed to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Plus, children are incredibly perceptive ... do you really want them growing up and picking up on how unhappy you are? Good luck.

Connor

The sooner you get rid of him the better. Ever heard of the saying once a cheat always a cheat. It's true

hot cooking

Honey, I can't read all that - it needs paragraphs. But my simple answer is this - I would never ever ever again trust a cheat.

Sal*UK

no

John M

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