Can i find about those friends who are showing their status invisible?

I feel socially awkward, and am losing friends, but why?

• I thank those that read all of this, my apologies for the length. Okay so in the course of my high school life (I am now a senior) I have steadily experienced a social decline. I would like to believe that I'm a good-looking, smart, athletic, & cool and fun guy to be around. But lately, I find myself having trouble with being as 'cool & fun' as I have before. I used to be in a pretty close-knit group of friends, I grew away from them as they began to talk bad behind my back. I'm aware that was not my fault at all, they were just bad friends. That was during my freshman year. I then began hanging with my football team, and didn't stop for a while. We had tons of fun. Up until this year, as a senior, I was very sociable. But now as I grow tired of high school, college in mind, wanting to move on with life, I have found that I try to associate myself as little as possible with school activity now, besides sports. I also have somehow disassociated myself with my friends, a lot of them. I admit I dislike a lot of things about my school, and a lot of people there, but never the people who were once my friends. However, I find myself not wanting to hang out with many of them anymore, I talk to less people during break time, and only hang out with a small number of people outside of school. Even with girls, my game is no longer existant. I wish to recreate relationships that I once had but I believe I'm becoming socially awkward. I find myself with practically nothing to say to people that I used to have a great time with, the same with girls. I used to be able to get to know any girl well and hold a conversation with them, and make them laugh, but now I care less to talk and only consider talking to a girl if I believe I can establish a sexual stance with them. Something that I have identified in myself is that I am not a very loving person. I have never cried at a funeral, I only tell my mom I love her because I feel awkward to some degree around all of my other family members as well. I also dislike many people based on appearance. I tend to believe I am just extremely self-absorbed though because thinking about my good qualities gives me hope- I maintain a 4.0 gpa, and am college bound/ Air Force ROTC. I also believe I'm extremely athletic, I even have many people who aspire to have a bodily physique like mine. Another thing I might add is that I believe much of this comes from a self-confidence issue. As I look at my lost friends, I find myself believing that they don't like me for certain reasons and things I did, and my mind just goes down the list of all the jerk-like things I've done to people. Ultimately making me feel like a giant jerk. Even though I say I have a self confidence problem, I always find myself thinking that I am genuinely better than many people in many ways, and too good for others. Believing that I am a socially awkward, non-loving, self absorbed, unconfident person, I still find myself not giving a care in the world about what people think about me. That is why I have trouble diagnosing this problem I am having. I believe people don't like me, am sad about it, and wish to do something about it, but I always tend to not care about my current social status. When I attempt to talk to people nowadays, I find myself with mostly nothing to say, unless I already know we have something in common. So I am having very mixed feelings and it has been very hard to identify them all but if someone could Please tell me why I have disconnected myself with my friends & am at a loss for words with many people, it would help. I wish for none of this to happen, and I wish to be loved and love in return, but it feels impossible from where I sit. I believe it is some form of depression, anti-socialism, or denial, but am not sure. Your help is much appreciated.

• Answer:

  It sounds like you have a lot going on in your transitioning young life. The fact that you might be focusing on your future rather than dwelling in your past or current place (highschool) isn't something to be too worried about. I'm 23 and I see people around me still standing still and not pushing to achieve more than the basic minimum. Sometimes feeling uncomfortable saying or doing things you think you should be feeling or doing is an indicator of social ineptitude. The word inept makes it sound like it's a huge deal, but it isn't. Some people don't like hugs or trying to say things just to fit in and that's just fine. The age you are now, I'm guessing 17-19, is normal to feel like the only reason to talk to girls is to get sex out of them. Your body is pushing a craving on you that will start to ease probably around 21-23 when you feel like you could be in a relationship to share values and ideas rather than sexual favors. This could be different for anyone and just happens to girls earlier than guys so girls your age might want to talk about feelings and ideas when you're just hoping you say the right thing to get in their pants, ha. The age you are in now and the times you're going through (end of highschool, start of an adult life) are huge transitions and they'll be different in many ways. The really big question when you think you have something emotionally wrong with you is to ask yourself if it's effecting your daily life and it sounds like it is. If that's the case, maybe you might want to talk to someone professional about it. BUT be really careful when you start down that path especially if you're already preparing for a military career. MEPS won't like a mental health record. Long reply, hope it helps!!