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How to tell therapist I cut without hospitalization again?

• Im 18, I cut myself a week ago today. My therapist asked me when we first met a few days after i got out of the hospital if I would tell her when I cut. I said no b.c that's one of the reasons I went in in the first place. And she said I couldn't go in on just cutting. So I said I'd tell her. And I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. Week 1 I was out of town in a wedding. And last week she was out of town in training. I'd like to tell her b.c I have no one else to talk to about it. My family is too judgemental. The only friends I have are the 2 I met in placement. And they both live in WV. And I told them both, but there's nothing they can do to help b.c they live so far away. I have a care tem. My consumer advocate came today, I wanted to tell him, but he'd have to tell the authorities. Like, I wanna know how to tell my therapist without going at all. Being assessed or w.e.. And PLEASE don't say don't do it in the first place. B.c 1: I already did it. And 2 I had to. I was dying inside. I guess you can say I hallucinate. But I really do think their people. Despite what other people tell me and say. And I love them a lot. But I think I killed them b.c when I was in the hospital I was forced into taking medicine. And I guess long term, their gone forever. So I plotted to cut myself, a piece for each of the. And last week I did. But I only started on one piece. Sorry, anyways, how can I tell her without going back? Or even be assessed? B.c I'm prone to not communicate when it comes down to assessment.i get scares and nervous. And they'll say im psychotic, and send me back anyways. I just can't do it again. And she said the signs that I'm doing bad are: Being alone( I really haven't left my room for 3 days) Not eating( haven't ate or drank for 2 days) Not taking my medicine( haven't taken meds in over a month) Thinking I can fly( never stopped believing) Suicidal thoughts( a few times) And I dunno what else. I know I'm not doing too hot. But it's not b.c I'm not taking my medicine. I'm acting "normal" as the psychologist told me to try to act in the hospital. No one suspects anything unless I tell them. But I really want to tell her this. But how? Please help me! I just want to be able to talk to someone. B.c right now if I don't.. I dunno what will happen. Again, any advice on how to tell her is greatly appreciated. : )

• Answer:

  don't talk about physically cutting talk about the reasons your cutting. Like talk about what your really upset about. Thats what your suppose to do in therapy. And not eating or not getting enough sleep for me at least contributes to like over 80% of my craziness. Its really important to eat well, sleep a lot, and exercise. If your not feeling any better or your not seeing the kinds of results you want to see its because your not letting yourself. Your problems are your own fault no one else's, and there only in your control, not anyone else's. Even medication it helps you like get through **** but it really doesn't help you get better in the long run. If you truly want to get better and really work at it and tell yourself everyday that your doing fine, and that your an amazing person and that your happy, you will be. Its just how our brain chemistry works. We have complete control over our emotions. If your feeling said say over and over again in the mirror I'm happy and positive and smile the whole time your doing. Like seriously if you stand there and do that and inside your just like no I'm sad this is a lie, then your right you will be sad. You really just have to force yourself into agreeing that your happy no matter what.