Is finding other guys attractive while in a relationship bad?

What should you do when you're torn between two guys?

• The title says it all. I feel torn between these two guys, one is my boyfriend, one is a guy who I used to love and who loves me still. I love my boyfriend so much and I would do anything for him, but recently he's changed a lot and it seems like all we do is argue. He's the kind of guy who will create a problem or issue, but will walk away from it and threaten to leave me over it, when I'm trying to find a solution to the problem(s) he created. Feels like everything I do is futile. Aside from the arguments and him threatening to leave me every day (yes, every day. 90% of the time it's because he treats me badly and I won't allow it, so he just says he's leaving me - he always comes back.) he can be lovely. We've been through a lot but he is very damaged. He's mostly immature (he's a couple of years younger than me) and lacks self confidence a lot. He's very insecure and I've spent the last few months we've been together trying to sort this out. Our sex life is great - he doesn't seem to think so, he complains that he can't pleasure me enough, he isn't "big enough" (when he is) and things like this that aren't true. He treats me well and makes me feel special, so I don't understand why he is so down on himself. He's a great guy, but he's so incredibly unconfident that he hurts me by pushing me away because he says he doesn't deserve me, when I say he does. He's a very difficult person to be around some times, very possessive, jealous. Another guy so much as looks at me, flirtatiously or just a general glance - he goes crazy. He told me the other day that because I used to be a bit of a party animal when I was younger that he is (I quote) "100% sure I will cheat on him at some point so I might as well just do it now and get it over with." I've never cheated on anyone and this is obviously kinda hurtful, he does not trust me at all, even though I don't give him any reason to think I would or am. I can't even talk to male friends in person or by text/phone call without him being suspicious. Overall, when it's good it's great, but when it's bad it's terrible and I feel horrible. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he actually loves me because he treats me so badly sometimes - people comment on this, and he threatens to leave me because of it. And then there's my friend, who I've known for much longer (years) and who I used to love so much. Things went sour for us nearly a year ago, he went through a lot of family issues and sadness in a short period and he pushed everyone away, friends etc. He contacted me recently telling everything and how he's sorry he pushed me away when he was hurt. He told me that he's missed me so much and he wants to be with me because he's in love with me and can't forget me. He's seen me cry over my bf and begged me to leave him so he can make me happy. I'm now torn between these two guys because the love I've always had for my friend is still there, yet I'm with my boyfriend. They are very different, very very different. We'll call them D (my boyfriend) and P (my friend). P is more attractive than my boyfriend. It sound harsh, but it's the truth. P is tall, athletic, very masculine etc. D is slim and he's not much taller than me, more of a boy than a man, and he is definitely not as stylish as P (which isn't a bad thing as such). P is the same age and his maturity shines through. I can't help but be so attracted to him. In terms of their personality, D is two extremes: one minute he loves me more than anything and will do anything, he's caring and sweet and there for me. The next he's nasty, selfish and hurtful. P is pretty much devoted to me, which makes it hard to ignore his feelings/get over mine. He is like D is when he's nice, but all the time. He's sweet, cute, and he's quite shy which I love. And he makes me laugh a lot. I've known him for 2 years and we have never argued, we just get on so well together. I'm so torn between them because P is my fantasy guy, my dream, the kind of guy that girls would love to be with because he's just a generally nice guy all round. But I'm in a relationship with D that I'm finding hard to end. I think it will end soon, but I'm so terrified of it ending because he has told me he will kill himself if we ever end. He has also attempted suicide after he ended our relationship once a few days ago. I really don't know how to approach this situation as it is so complicated. Friends are telling me to follow my heart, and go for P and be happy. But there's still a part of me that loves D and I can't let him go because I don't want to be held responsible if he kills himself.. I feel trapped in this relationship and can't see a way of leaving without destroying my boyfriend. Does anyone have any t

• Answer:

  It's VERY possible to fall in love with two people! Sometimes is so possible you could be broken hearted while in a relationship with a completely different person. You seem to be on that part! Now - D seem to me, a very good guy, but lack confidence, and depends on you to survive emotionally. Trying to break things off suddenly will be hard for him to handle. What you need to do with D is : start making excuses for not picking up his call, like - i was busy, i didnt hear my phone, i have to do something for my brother, Mother ...... or something. gradually breaking emotional connection helps someone avoid suicide. it's not a good things to do, but IT HELPS alot! P - seems like the sexy kind of guys, but can he be a future husband, or is he just playing it for now. I think you are the best person to tell. P will definitely want have you just because he knows you are with D. It's a very complex situation you have put yourself in. And it's not your fault, if D was giving you all the attention support and time you needed, and not being 'Off and on'' you'd not be talking to P, telling him about your Problems, and he wouldnt be giving you a shoulder to lean on! try to keep a distance from Both of them gradually, not suddenly, GRADUALLY, and figure out which one of them you want to be with. Your heart will speak to you! And when id does, please try to keep one guy, because when the find out you are .... with Both of them, word will go around that you are a Whore, ( which is a lie, you sincerely love both of them). So good luck and let us know how it goes!