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How do you get over insecurity?

How can I get over my insecurity?

  • Ok...im madly in love with my husband of 1 year. Ive always had a little bit of a jealousy problem. I just had a baby 2 months ago and the insecurity has gotten so bad it's ruined our marriage. I make him change the channel if a hot girl in a bikini is anywhere in sight. I had a c-section with complications and gained alot of pregnancy weight so i have to wait a few months before i can do anything with exercise. My husband has a wandering eye and i know all men look at other women but i cant stand it at all like i feel like an idiot and a clingy ***** but i call him out on it all the time and make a huge deal out of it. i wish i werent that way but i cant help it. the thought of him even looking at another girl let alone talking to her sends me into hysteria and tears and ive almost divorced him like 10 times bc i dont want to be hurt every day bc of him looking at girls. like i dont wanna be in love bc it hurts. please dont tell me to grow up or get over myself or any of that, im trying, i need a surefire way to gain confidence and ACCEPT the fact that he checks out girls without being so hurt about it. n another thing im muslim and i wear the hijab headscarf (im not taking it off) and i feel like its unfair that he looks at them while im all covered up. ive explained this to him before and he wont say anything. he said "MEN LOOK AT GIRLS, GET OVER IT." it hurts so bad. please help me. i really need to accept this or my marriage will fall apart.

  • Answer:

    this is where I disagree with the muslim religion--it's not fair you are correct. If you don't want to hurt anymore, you need to realize that you are just as sexy and beautiful as their girls he's looking at..and HE IS TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED BECAUSE HE HAS YOU UNDER HIS THUMB. You hide yourself to APPEASE HIM and NOT you. It's only for the man that women are supposed to cover themselves SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CAN'T HANDLE IT IF ANOTHER MAN WANTS YOU. Don't you see why it's wrong??? The man doesn't want to hurt inside so he expects the woman to cover herself..but yet the woman hurts when he looks deep inside. So in essence are ALL women supposed to cover themselves just because men find us appealing?? That is like saying that it is EVIL to look at beautiful women?? If you show yourself beautiful to other men, it will hurt him just as much as you are being hurt by him looking. You women are only covering yourself to APPEASE THE MAN. Go ahead and show yourself...I guarantee that will help with your pain. He won't take you for granted any longer.

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Explain your concerns to him, calmly. Tell him how much it hurts you and try to understand that there is a difference between looking at and lusting after women. Also, it is normal for you to feel the way you do, you are a woman with wants and needs of your own, your husband needs to address those needs and wants, not just dismiss them.

Doesn't the Qur'an tell men to lower their gaze? Sorry, I'm not Muslim, so I don't know the surah, but I'm sure someone else can help you out with that.

Wrong - you CAN help it, you just choose not to. This is YOUR issue - get some counselling to understand why your sense of self-worth is tied to your figure. You're going to make yourself crazy if you cry everytime he sees a pretty girl. Attractive women are everywhere - a man can't go through life without having to interact with them.

Sounds like some marriage counseling is in order here! You both need to evaluate your actions and how they effect each other.

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