Is this a good start for a story?

IS this a good start of my story?

• "Welcome to Cliffwood University, miss Aly Crimson and Heather Lawrence." The principal, Miss Vivian Donahue, said as she handed our schedule for the school year. It was gorgeous. I mean the whole campus is covered with trees, students seem to have fun, mean girls laugh at the nerds. Perfect scene in a movie. "Oh my god. Look at him! He's cute." Heather squeaked as she points to a boy wearing hoodies and sneakers standing infront of the lockers. I saw Miss Donahue raised an eyebrow. "Emhhmmm." She cleared her throat. "These are your lockers and here are your keys. I will leave you to Clark now. I hope you have a great time here at Cliffwood!" She said and she bid goodbye. "Hi, I am Clark. How about you?" He said. He had adorably messy black hair that fell just above in his piercing green eyes. He was stunning. "I'm Heather.I'm a new comer here." Heather said smiling. "She is Aly. She's my friend and a new comer too." She continued. I smiled. "So do you have a dormitory now? I've heard you are from Kansas. We are in New York now!" He said while checking something on his satchel. He pulled a paper, a map, from his satchel and, "I know some dormitories." He continued. We walked until the school gate. It was sunny but it wasn't hot. I grabbed my handkerchief and swiped it to my forehead as if I was sweating in bullets but no. The truth is I feel awakward. "Our vehicle is here. Hop on!" He said while opening the door of the van. "So you know them?" I asked Clark. "No but Caleb does. He is Caleb, my twin brother, he helps me to guide you new comers in Cliffwood. So who are they, Caleb?" He asked his borther. They don't look the same though. "Hi. The red head girl there is Emma, this boy over here that wears glasses is Zac, the boy beside Zac is Rich, that boy with the jacket is Carlo and the girl beside her is Wendy. Other new comers meet um, what are their names?" He whispered to Clark. "Aly and Heather." He said. "Other new comers meet Aly and Heather. Aly and Heather meet them." Caleb continued. We smiled at them and they smile back. "Where are we going, Caleb?" The red head asked him who is she again? Oh. Emma. Emma asked Caleb. "We're going to Greenville. There is a dormitory waiting for us there." He said smiling. I took a peek in the window. The scenery is amazing. It is for Room 108. Is this a good start for my story? If not, how can I improve it? THANKS! Search me on Wattpad: charlesanity. Thank you.

• Answer:

  I'm sorry, I had to stop halfway through. It's not bad, there's just nothing that really pulls me in. There are many grammar mistakes. The first paragraph is confusing. Here's how I would have wrote it: "Hello, miss Aly Crimson and Heather Lawrence, welcome to Cliffwood University. I am your principle, Mrs. Donahue," she said as she handed us our schedules. I looked around me, staring down the campus covered in trees, all the students having a good time, the mean girls picking one the nerds...It was like something out of a movie. It was gorgeous. I'm assuming this story takes place in a college? If so, I think the girls are slightly immature to be in college. I also agree with the person who said it moves too fast. Hope I helped.