How do tourists get cheated?

Should I get back together with my girlfriend after she cheated?

• I understand this is a lot to read, but please do not answer if you do not read it. It took me quite a while to write down exactly how I feel and I would really like thoughtful answers. I do not believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater" because I believe everyone deserves a second chance My girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me. We are both 22 now and met in our first year of college, but we quickly became inseparable and even lived together for almost a year (she was kicked out of her parent's house and lived with me, but eventually moved back home because I had to move into a small dorm room). We had a great relationship and never had any problems with cheating; I even planned on asking her to marry me in December (her birthday). She went to a party without me, got really drunk and slept with a guy she'd just met. She came to me and told me the next morning and wants to make amends. I believe her that it was a one-time thing, but it still hurts and I can't get the image of it out of my head (This all happened earlier this week). She says she will do anything to get me back and is so sorry for what she did, but I still told her we needed to call it quits. After talking with her again, she admitted that she had previously thought about breaking up because we are each other’s first relationship and haven't slept with or dated anyone else, so I thought this might have been a subconscious (or possibly conscious but inebriated) cause for the incident. In all honesty, I have felt this way too in the past. I worried that if I stayed with her, I would give up my college years of being single and dating around, and would never experience many things my friends had. These feelings came and went, but eventually died down because I realized she made me happy in so many ways that I didn’t care if I never had anyone else. I know things will take time to heal, but I still do really love her and think we could get past this. I told her we need time apart for both of us to find out what we really want out of a relationship. I know I can't get back with her right away or she wouldn't realize how bad she has hurt me and it would reduce the severity of the incident; I would be afraid that if I got back with her too soon, she would feel I'm a push over and would just set this up to happen again. I plan on spending some time alone or maybe dating a bit and maybe giving it another try in 2-3 months, but deep down I would rather just get back with her right now. Half of me wants to move on and date around so I don't feel like I'm missing out in life, but I still have this lingering feeling that if I do then I will miss out on something great that was lost in a big mistake. I think I could get past the cheating and start again with her, but I have this feeling that if she feels that way, then getting back together with me will just cause that “only been with one guy” feeling to come back later. It kills me to think it, but the only way I know she would be rid of that feeling for good would be to break it off until she has had time to be alone. I know it’s selfish, but it kills me even more to think of her with other guys. I just feel like if this was the deep down cause for this incident, then there might be nothing I can do to change it except move on. She might have been the right one, but maybe not at the right time in life. So in conclusion, my big question is: Is it realistically possible for us to get back together, or would this feeling return later and cause something like this to happen again? I’m not sure if I should tell her I just need some time to get past this or if I should just end it so we can both move on with our lives and try to forget those 3 years together. Also on a side note: She was very honest with me and told me right away what happened, but she refuses to tell me the guy's name. The only info she would give me was that they had never met before, and that he was a friend of a co-worker from out of town. One of the conditions of me taking her back would be her complete honesty on this and everything in the future. So I want to know this guy's name and exactly how this happened. She says knowing his name would only make me feel bad, but my paranoid and angry brain is making me think she is still hiding something. Is it right for me to demand this info or is she right that it would only hurt more? Thank you for your advice

• Answer:

  I say, hell naw. She will do it again. But you gotta learn for yourself.