How does the declination change as you move north from where you live?

What do I do if I want to move, but my boyfriend can't?

• I am a 27 year old gay black male. My boyfriend is 31. When we first met, he was not in school, but I was. He moved from where he was living (which he had planned on doing before we met) and moved to where I was living. He was aware that I was an aspiring actor and I did not plan on being here long. He was open to the idea of moving again right after I graduated, and actually still wants to move. Four years later, I have graduated from college a year ago, and we are still here. The thing is that he realized that he wanted and needed to go back to school shortly before I graduated. He was only supposed to be taking classes at a community college to transfer to a four year program in whatever city we moved to. But, one thing has lead to another and he is being offered a really good opportunity at a school in the city where we live now, which could force us to have to stay here for two more years. We had plans on leaving. We even visited some of the places we wanted to move and made connections and started scouting places to live. This is a major let down for me. I'm so depressed... What do you do when you're in a relationship and you desperately want to move away from the place you have been living in for 7 years and take your career and dreams in another direction, but your partner still has things that they have to do that may put them in a position to stay put for another two years? It's not like you can't do what you want to do where you are now because you've been doing it, but you have a strong desire to move forward and experience something else. Your partner is not stopping you from doing what you want to do. As a matter of fact, he insists that you do it. But, you're longer for a change of atmosphere. A fresh start. The place where you live now is ok, but you know there is better. The place where you live also holds a lot of unpleasant memories (though not ALL bad), and sort of represents a period in your life that you feel you have outgrown. It's time for a new chapter. You have been feeling this way for a LONG TIME. When you first got into the relationship, the expectations and plans were different, but now things have changed. You express how important this change is to you, but it sort of stresses your partner out because it makes him feel like he needs to figure out a way to appease you both, but he can't figure it out. He feels like what he needs to do is important and will put you both in a better place financially. For the sake of not wanting to put him through it, you decide to let him know that he can take as much time as he needs to and do whatever he needs to do. But on the inside, you are still longing for change and it's eating you up. What do you do? Is it selfish of you to still want what you want?... I'm trying so hard to be understanding and patient. I can be a bit impatient at times. It's just that I'm a mover. I can't stand being stuck. I've felt stuck for a long time, and it seems like I just can't break away. Not the way I REALLY want to, at least.

• Answer:

  You guys need to compromise. Whatever he is doing, can he do it online? Can you guys talk about the future and see if you can come to the same place? Write all the possible courses of action and brainstorm together to see if there is one that provides all you care about. You can't have your cake and eat it too, but you can clearly understand what is the goal and when it will be crossed! Good Luck