What are some good eating disorder related songs?

Is this an eating disorder? Serious question, I need help!?

• I'm fifteen, I weigh 39kg and I'm 5"2. I think I'm fat, I hate my thighs, they are enormous. Sometimes I feel so fat and empty and hopeless I cry and cut myself. I weigh myself everyday. I keep a journal with tips+tricks from pro-ana websites to help take my mind off food, eating, how to suppress appetite etc. I am obsessed with anorexia. I watch videos, television shows, youtube clips... I read stories about anorexia, I write poem after poem, story after story about anorexia. I listen to songs about it. I'm completely obsessed with it. I look at lots of thinspiration, usually very very skinny, emaciated girls. To me, Victoria Beckham is fat, even though I know, in comparison to most people, she is very thin. I want to weigh 35kg, or under. I try to keep my calorie intake under 1000, right now I'm eating normally because I've been really sick and I need to get healthy so i can start my diet with a clean slate. On Thursday I'll start my eating plan: Eat breakfast, because my mother makes me, usually around 150-200 calories. Eat nothing until dinner, usually 500-700 calories. I'm a vegetarian. I became one so I would have an excuse not to eat meat because it's got lots of calories in it. I have used laxatives to lose weight, but stopped because my mother found them. She just thought I was actually constipated -.- I went along with it because I don't want her to know, obviously. I'm just getting scared though because I think about this stuff ALL THE TIME! And I have really obsessive fears. I think Anorexia is real, like a real person, a really really skinny emaciated girl with red hair. And I'm scared she'll hurt me or the people I love when I eat. A few times I've gone to eat something and then stopped because I get so scared she'll hurt me, or my mum or my little sister. I'm scared Ana will eat me (Because she's so starved), that she'll cut off all my fat with scissors, that she'll take over my head and live through me, that she'll kill me and take my place, when I carry food or when I'm eating food alone I'm scared she'll come and hurt me, or steal the food because she's so hungry. When I throw food away I'm scared she'll come and raid my bin. I'm scared if I tell anyone how I feel, she'll be waiting in my room for me and then hurt me because I told. I am so scared of her. I don't leave my room at night, I'm scared to say Anorexia out loud sometimes. It's so obsessive and it's all I think about sometimes and I hate it but I'm so scared. Is this an eating disorder? Should I get help, or am I just being silly. I don't look like I have an eating disorder, I'm too fat, my ribs don't stick out or anything so I don't think anyone will take me seriously. Please answer... :(

• Answer:

  look, 'Ana' is your mind's way of dealing with you situation. if you are scared of her then you need to face it. you created her so you can destroy her too. if you are scared of telling anyone, then write them a letter or email. You need to think of something else though, so you can take your mind of this. go watch a movie with your family. and don't be afraid to eat some munchies as well. stop counting calories because that is just aiding your obsession with your weight. when your family eats, you eat. eat everything you're given because you are actually underweight not overweight. and this is a serious issue so you have to tell someone about it. maybe just tell your sister first. it'll be less intimidating than talking to your parents and by the time you do, you'll have had practice.