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Is being a Child Care Worker and a Preschool Teacher the same thing?

Am I being selfish for not wanting to take care of my sister's ADHD autism child most of the time?

  • I really love him, he's about to be 5 in a few months. However, I do have a problem with the whole picture. I am a very busy girl, 28, electrical engineer with a full time job and a very needy part time job. I also have a very loving boyfriend/fiance I would love to spend time with. I like to spend time with family. However, my sister (a year and a half older than me) relies on us a looot. She was never an independent individual like me. She has been married for 10 years and her child has ADHD and autism. He is extremely needy when he's around and I literally have to put EVERY single thing on hold to be with him or pay attention to him (in family parties, I am the one responsible of him because he loves me a lot and around me all the time). He loves me more than everybody else. For the past month, we were mostly busy taking care of him because my sister was having her Phd exam. A few days ago, she was moving to a new house, and of course her child was over my parent's house. I WAS EXHAUSTED, and I had to start a busy working week. My sister doesn't work, she doesn't spend time with her child either. They have lots of money and the kid is always in daycare or with his private teacher. And worst of all, she is very eager on having another child! Hopefully, a normal one. However, with her attitude I know she's going to treat her second child the same. Her husband doesn't help much either except working till late night. I feel left out. I'm not still married and I am constantly stressed over her kid. Everyone in the family say I have no say. It's their house and they invite whoever they want and my nephew can be there as much as he want. My sister is extremely sensitive and it seems like her brain stop functioning when she hears that we suffer that her kid being over our house all the time. For example, last night, I had to beg her to take the kid away so I could sleep after a long day of working at her house and working at our house (and it was supposed to be my day off). I don't know what to do. Am I being selfish? I'm already tired of taking care of him that I want NO children of myself and I think it's not fair. I didn't ask for her child. I am very willing to help her once a week but I am tired of being nervous of when shes going to drop her child, which can be any time :(

  • Answer:

    No you're not selfish. Your sister is selfish! He's NOT your child and it's appalling that your sister is using your family's love and concern for the boy and milking it. You are not the child's mother - you're an aunt. What you have is a strong sense of responsibility towards that child because you see that your sister is unemotional and rather apathetic towards him. So you and your parents have stepped up to the plate and you guys are frustrated at your sister for her apathy. Unfortunately there's only two things you can do: continue taking care of him or just not doing anything and sit idly by (which is incredibly difficult, I'm sure!). There really isn't a middle ground here because it sounds like your sister KNOWS that she's taking advantage and doesn't care.

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I don't think that is selfish of you at all! Edit: You can't die of autism, wtf

ιиdια grαce♥

I'm not clear on a few things. First, are you living with your parents? If so, they do have the right to have their grandson over as often as they want. If you don't like it, you are a very busy, employed 28 year old who is free to change residences. Second, your sister doesn't work or take care of her child, but she was busy last month taking a Phd exam? Sounds like your sister has also been a busy girl. Your sister should not be expecting you to care for her child. However, if you are living in your parents home and the child is visiting their home, they are within their rights to expect your help in caring for the child when he is in their home. Like I have already said, if you don't like it, grow wings, take flight, and find your own place to roost.

PetMom

It's great that you're so kind and loving with the child, but I don't blame you for not wanting to take care of him most of the time. He's not your child and it's not your job to spend all that time with him.

R.R

No, you are not being selfish. Your sister is taking advantage of you, whether she realizes it or not. You are right, a child like that is exhausting and I'm sure she is grateful for any time to herself. However, that doesn't mean she can run roughshod over you. It is not YOUR responsibility to take care of HER child. You really need to set boundaries with your sister. "I can watch little Jimmy on Thursday until 6 o'clock. You need to make other arrangements after 6 o'clock because I have plans." Your plans could be sleeping in, but that's YOUR business. If she wants to drop him off at some other time, don't let her. Tell her that you have plans (and again, what those plans happen to be is entirely YOUR business). Don't let her, or your family, try to guilt you into more than you are able and willing to do. It comes down to setting boundaries and sticking to them. Not easy, but the majority of conflicts with other people can be solved by good boundaries.

Jennifer L

Of course you're not being selfish. He's not your kid. She's the one being selfish. You need to stand up to her and tell her you can't do it any more, you have your own life to live. And remind her that, unlike her, you actually have to work for a living. Yes, she'll be upset. Too bad for her.

Spike X

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