How To Make An Ex Want You Back?

I don't want to lose my ex but i don't want to get back with her...does that make sense...is this normal?

• I'm 18 and she is 17 our relationship was perfect for the first month, we were best friends as well as lovers, then i found a load of facebook messages of her flirting with guys and telling her ex she still loves him etc. So i now have trust issues but i still love her, she tells me she chats crap on facebook and messes with guys head by flirting with them because she knows nothing will happen, she told me that's just how she is. I tried to get over it but whenever we get back on for a bit, it comes back and i break it off again. I found the messages a 3 weeks ago and our 2 month anniversary is in a week, i love speaking to her and can't imagine her not being in my life anymore but i don't want to get back with her. The thought of going back to how we was before i found the messages doesn't appeal to me. I broke it off completely yesterday and she cried and told me i don't love her because if i did i wouldn't be able to let go so easily and i would give her a second chance etc. Even though i just broke up with her and meant it as i don't want to go out with her anymore i still didn't want to get off the phone with her. I still want to talk to her most times during the day. I dunno it's weird. I know she loves me like unconditionally and i know she messed up, but although i love her too i don't want to be with her but don't want to lose her as a person in my life...does that make sense...is this normal at all? Even today we've been texting eachother most of today...isn't that just absurd seen as we just broke up last night, but i dunno it's weird...HELP.

• Answer:

  Relationships are meant to make us happy, so in a relationship, we have to be selfish to some extent. We have to think of our needs, and figure out if they are being met in the relationship or not. If, for example, you want kids, and your girlfriend doesn't, then there is no point in dating because neither one of you will ever be happy. there will be hurt feelings, arguements and eventually, one or the other will likely leave to find someone else who does make them happy. My point is this - do NOT date a person who doesn't have the same values as you do. It is okay if they have different interests, but not different values. You have to agree on things like children, money, lifestyle, and in your case, FAITHFULNESS. She is getting pleasure out of flirting with others, and although she THINKS nothing will happen, who can say? One of the guys she flirts with might take her seriously and she cannot control what he does or says or feels - she is asking for trouble, which will only lead to trouble with you. So, I am not saying not to see her. What I am saying is look at the big picture. Do not EVER settle for less than what you need. If you go back with her without this issue settled, she will learn that she can bend and twist you to whatever she wants, and you will never be happy.. Tell her what you need, have her agree to that condition, and if she can't, let her go. You will never be happy otherwise.