Why doesn't my husband want to spend any time at home?

You hit all the notes in this post. He is going along like nothing is wrong, in a similar fashion to a junkie. He has no problem until it affects HIM. I'm not advocating sabbotage of the relationship, but you have leverage to affect some changes. You have to make him feel your pain, not by telling him about it, but literally make him feel it. Let him cook, clean, do laundry, take care of sick kids, do the shopping without a cell phone to call for help. Disrupt his comfortable cycle of only being intimate during sexual times. Until it affects him, it's just your problem.

So you make arrangements for you parents to take the kids, don't say a word to him about this. Pack your bag and go some where you have been wanting to go to. Go get a motel room and if nothing else look out the window at the beautiful world out there. Take pictures on what you did. When he asks where you went tell him, and explain that you knew he wouldn't want to go, so you went by yourself. You are going to enjoy life while you are young, and say you didn't think he would even miss you. He doesn't acknowledge you when you are home, so why would he miss you if you are gone. You don't want a divorce so you have to go and do with out him. As far as sex goes, If you don't want it then tell him no. If he doesn't want to have sex with you when you want it then it works both ways. If he is going to cheat, any excuse will be enough.

He probably needs about a tenth the intimacy you do. He sees sex as leading to/resulting in intimacy, you see intimacy as emotional closeness, mental spending time together, this is perfectly natural. He is in achievement mode though, full time, and is determined and focussed, so he doesn't have time for you or anything else. I am afraid you cannot change his personality. You can, however, highlight his pertinent failures in the family arena. Kind it ain't, but it is also necessary. If he is driven by success, sadly he probably feels that he has to work hard to do well at work, but that you will always be there so his prioirty is going to the thing he has most risk of failing at. He needs an attitude readjustment. Your threshold for feeling ignored is much much lower than his. You need to be absent for longer than his threshold of what makes him feel lonely. Maybe it will be three weeks, maybe he won't miss you even after that long (to be perfectly honest, if that is the case, you are probably better off leaving for a while anyway). But whatever the case, you need to make yourself scarce for a while. Words aren't going to be enough. He's too selfish to care about words. Make him look after his daughter while you go and do whatever you feel like. Leave him texts to pick up your dry cleaning. When he wants your attention, be too busy to notice. This behaviour shouldn't go on forever of coruse, but it should go on long enough for him to pipe up and say something about it, and then the converstation can begin.

The issue is not your husband. The issue is the gap and understanding of how you two communicate your needs. "He asks me why am I being like this instead of taking me seriously." It is not that he is not taking you seriously. He asked you why you are being like "this" meaning he does not understand your need. And remember, he can not see your heart. There is a deep need in your heart to spend time with him, which in his eyes, you see him, sleep with him, and live with him. So the intimacy is not being communicated correctly. "Honestly, I don't want a divorce. But, at the same time, I want to feel loved, and not taken for granted." Your "love language" is spending time together or "intimacy." Where his may not be and therefore, he would have to understand your emotional need and then adapt his style. Also, he does love you but you two have two different ways of communicating this important part of the heart. He uses words i.e. I love you. Some people use words to communicate their heart. Now, you two just have to tune in to how you are communicating. It is true that marriage takes work, but it is not as hard as you have made it out to be if you learn each other and tune into how each of you communicate. It makes it much easier. And truth be told, people can be married a life time and never take the time to learn. Check out Gary Chapman's book Love Languages and the Language of Forgiveness. It has help many couples get over the lack of intimacy and has put them on a path of better understanding of each other. Also, please read He-motions by TD Jakes. You will gain such insight you will only wish you did this earlier in the marriage. And above all--pray--God is with you. All the best.

As a guy, I will only say that, "Learn the Psychology of Men." Men and Women brains are wired differently. You just need to understand that. For example, 1) Men handle their stress differently from Women. They go silent and demand peace. 2) They only focus on solutions, instead of problems. 3) For men, A confident woman is far more sexier than a beautiful woman. 4) The powerful Emotional Bond chemical "Oxytocin" is far lesser in men than women. But, you can increase this chemical (Oxytocin) with foods, bright colored dresses, or some secret tricks. You know, it's just the psychology of men you need to learn. If you can learn this then seriously, you will easily enhance the emotional and sexual feelings of your husband for you.