How do I help my friend be more mature and less selfish?

How to help the greatest best friend out? (medical problems)?

• Hi. My best friend and I met in middle school and used to hang out a lot at his place, which was conveniently around the corner of where I lived. Throughout middle school we grew really close and learned a lot about each other. However once high school hit, we stopped hanging out as much.. I associated with the football/cafeteria crowd while he had his small group friends. We really didn't hang out, but we still managed to stay close. After high school my friend went off to the university for college and then I went to the local community college. The distance made our relationship weaker. He would come back to visit occasionally and we would link up to talk about how things were going. He didn't seem happy in college. He mentioned how all everybody does is drink and how he really wasn't making any real friends. 3 years after into community college, I actually transferred to the same university as my friend. And I am almost done with my 1st school year of being here, and my friend is actually graduating at the end of this school year. He can't wait to leave, but of course is nervous to find a job after graduation. My friend is a little overweight, shy, and really considers himself an outcast at times. He doesn't drink, doesn't party, and his lack of finding a place to really fit in has caused him to hate college. He is one of the greatest people I know. Hes intelligent, really nice, funniest person ever, and definitely a great friend when you need someone to just be there and listen. I would go as far to say that I love him as a brother. I cant emphasize how much he has helped me deal with life throughout all my years of knowing him, despite that we had long periods of no contact.. we still managed to keep a strong bond. I am 99% sure this is because of how great of a person my friend is. I'll start to talk about the issue at hand. Since I transferred to the same university as my friend, we have spent a good amount of time hanging out. I learned a lot more about his fatherless childhood, his constant in and out of the hospital battle with health, and frustrating lack of close romantic relationships. When I say that he has really been through it, I really mean that this dude has been THROUGH it. I applaud him and respect him to the greatest degree for even making it this far in life with all of the heavy ordeals he has had to overcome, and is still dealing with. We recently had a long conversation about what's going on in life. He told me about a skin condition that he has been dealing with since he could remember. It's related to the hair follicles and that they constantly bleed and will never heal, he describes it as a really really really bad boil on the side of his body. He mentions how he will wake up in the night and be drenched in his own blood. How it has gotten worst within the past years. How he can no longer afford to buy new shirts and has to deal with walking around with blood drenched clothing. He has been in and out of the hospital since he was a small child for various things, and this constant bleeding on his side has been the biggest issue in his life. He told me that doctors have said that it will only get worst and theres not much they can do. My friend also mentioned how doctors have said that there might be a treatment but its really expensive and that he was not covered to undergo it, and the chances of it working are not in his favor. What really bothers me is how it affects his mentality. This is a great dude who has constantly been cursed with a lot of misfortunes in life that no one deserves. He recently told me that he has a feeling that he was supposed to die young. He said with all the family stress, financial stress, and horrible health he has been given, he doesn't see himself living past 35. Just the fact that he has to deal with so much really gets to me. No one should have to suffer any of what he has gone through and is still currently battling. Especially not a great man like him. We are both 21 and in college. We both go to a top University of CA. I was wondering if there was anything I can do to help him out. I'm not exactly sure of the rare disease he has, but I am willing to go to the ends of the earth to find a way to get him treated for free. I will write emails, I will make presentations, I will make phone calls, I will do whatever I can to help my brother out. I don't know where to start.. If there's anybody that knows how I can get top medical treatment for free, or even a way for me to help fund his treatment. I don't even know what I want. I just want him to get better. I can barely organize my thoughts and finish this because my heart is so heavy for my best friend. Any way to get great medical service to help him out? For free possibly? What would you recommend I do people? Please help.

• Answer:

  Your friend is depressed and can be helped by going to see the counseling center on campus. It should be free or little cost. If he sees a psychiatrist, that is a medical doctor too and maybe able to help getting treatment for the skin disease. A medical school nearby may take his case for low cost too. Your friend sounds like he's a bit more mature than his classmates and when he gets into the job market, he will find that there are lots of people that choose not to drink, party, etc because they have better things to do. It's tough to be patient but the right girl WILL come along. Just make yourself good husband material - good job, nice home, some savings (basically a nice nest) I can't advise on the skin condition because of the lack of details. If you could mention the diagnosis, that would help. Skin issues could be eczema or an autoimmune disease or a number of things a dermatologist would have to diagnose. I guess, you treat the symptoms to minimize the damage to your body. I've attached a link for eczema below but feel free to toss it if that is not the case.