Is special care needed with "new management?

Why don't care about anything or anyone anymore?

• im just wondering if anyone else feels the same as i do. for you to understand my question ill probably have to tell you a bit about my life. its quite complicated but id really like an accurate answer, preferably a psychological explanation if possible, but any suggestions would be a help. please no rude comments.. i was born in the UK and my parents have been divorced since i was about a month old. the only memories i have of them is one of them arguing, when i was 6 my mum, my half-sister and myself, moved to canada as my mother met a new man online. we lived in a tiny town of 500 people and i grew up in a school of 200. during this time i was always the strange one as the town was extremely close minded. i grew up with only 2 friends, and my life was "normal" for around 3 years. when i was 8 my mum was diagnosed with heart valve failure and i was left to take care of her. my step dad was working overtime to support our house as my mum could no longer work and my sister was so busy with schooling i was the only one who could help her. i gave her her pills every morning before i went to school, i came home during breaks to make sure she was alright, i made her breakfast in bed and just generally took care of her. my grades were slipping and i didn't really care. at the age of 11 my mum passed away and things only got worse. she left me alone with no one. my sister pretty much moved out as soon as she died and i saw here even less than i already did, my step dad turned into a workaholic to deal with it. and i was left with no one. so i went into self harm and drugs by the age of 12. from then on everything just kept getting worse, i was getting suspended from school and no one even found out. i met a new girl who was in even worse shape than me and she got me into worse habits and more trouble than before and i tried to fix her but i never could. at the age of 14 i decided to go and live with my real father who had moved to mexico to remarry a woman he met on the internet. and i just decided one day to go and move with him because i was angry at my stepfather for some silly irrelevant thing and wanted to get away. so i moved to mexico where things then got worse. i didn't much contact with my father other than the birthday message and christmas message. my mum warned me about him and told me stories about how he used to hit her, but i never believed her. it turned out they were all true. within a month of being in mexico i was being verbally, physically and emotionally abused by my father and his new wife. i was left to take care of their children , one of 3 and one new born, because they were too lazy to do it themselves. they treated my brother and sister like gold but they despised me for being the daughter of my mother. he used to beat me for being 5 minuets late from school or not coming IMMEDIATELY when i was called ( i mean within 5 seconds) he used to call me a slut, whore, good for nothing, etc etc i admit that i needed disciplined first because of what i was doing, but within the first beating i was straightened out. i never once went near drugs or cutting when i was in mexico, and it seemed as if they just enjoyed it. when family members would call me and ask how i was, he was on the other line listening to everything i said. i was trapped and couldn't get out. things took a turnaround after 2 and a half years when i was 16, when my grandmother came to mexico for a visit and saw how i was being treated. she spoke to me and asked me if i was happy in mexico and i said i wasn't. she left and 3 weeks later i was on plane coming back to england to live with her. now comes the actual question. iv found that even tho ive been given everything i need to be happy im miserable. i don't love anything or anyone. i don't trust my nanny, even after she saved me from hell. i just don't care about anything anymore. i have friends but i honestly don't care about them. anyone who tries to get close to me i push away and i don't even do it on purpose. i don't care about myself, i don't want to eat or drink. iv lied to my nan so many times about going out to a girls sleepover when im really going out and getting wasted with my guy friends. iv had so many boyfriends and ive been dumped by each and everyone. before now, i used to give my everything to any guy who even looked my way, and after the past few breakups, i don't give a **** about any guys. iv had lots of sweet guys ask me out but iv turned them down because i know that i wont care about them. i don't love anyone and i don't care that i don't. i just want to know if this is normal. or if im depressed or need medication. i have absolutely no self esteem and have been considering suicide a lot lately. but even then, i don't really want to get better. being like this is just.comfortable for me. i know i cant get hurt anymore. if any explanation or even if you feel the same as me,

• Answer:

  I used to feel that way. But you know what it was? I didn't want to love anyone. I thought that I better not love anyone because they would one day leave, anyway. That was the mechanism I used to protect myself. But then I realized that life isn't as fun without love. And it's okay to get hurt. Nothing's gonna happen if you get hurt. You won't die, and your head won't explode. So, just have a little faith.