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Could I be a feminist but still believe in chivalry?

  • I'm 15 years old and have a personal conflict at the moment. I follow a feminist close to the family who inspired me to join the (for lack of a better term) "cause". This feminist friend is NOT a feminazi. She does not hate men, nor is she a lesbian. She usually discusses rape culture, abuse in the pornography industry, media stereotypes, etc. etc. She believes in men's rights as well, so basically she believes in equality. I love her ideology and the ideology of her other college friends, but I have always been in love with Old Hollywood. Because of this, the idea of a woman acting like a lady and a man acting like a gentleman is just ingrained in me. I know some of you may think "WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS", but hear me out for a moment. Is it possible to believe that while we are equal in terms of value, men and women are STRONGER than each other in some areas? I think of it as a sort of trump card. Women tend to be better nurturers, they trump men at that, but men tend to physically stronger, they trump women at that. I think women were made naturally more feminine (hence the word "feminine") and men were made to be "masculine". But I also feel that gender lines should be blurred. I feel confused because I want to be a feminine young lady who accepts the help of gentlemen, but I think a lot of women would view me as independent on men or just a plain idiot. What are your views? Could I still call myself a feminist but expect a guy to pay for dinner, open doors, etc.? (if it helps, I would always treat my future husband well. I believe in the golden rule)

  • Answer:

    First, these "feminazis" that supposedly hate men largely don't exist in real life. They exist mostly in the imaginations of angry people who are looking for someone to blame for their own problems. Regarding your question, I think it's a difficult and complex one - in that chivalry is predicated on the notion that women are weaker than men and need to be protected. This makes it problematic for many feminists. That being said, I think most people would agree that is long as it is something that you choose and that neither party feels pressured or compelled to behave in that way, then it is a personal choice that everyone has the right to make for themselves. As an aside, I think you'll find that this section is unfortunately, not a good place to ask serious questions about feminism or gender issues. Mostly what you get is a lot of very very angry men venting their anger at women and (what they imagine to be) feminism.

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No, its not wrong if you use the right logic. Womens rights is not about being the same as men, but having the same rights for things they are equally capable of doing with men. Feminists don't deny that women and men are different, they just want to make sure that we are defined by our individuality first rather than our gender. Thus, you can still want chivalry and be a feminist.

Ducky

Expecting him to do any of that defeats the purpose. If he does, it should be because he wants to, not because you demand it. I don't think that being a feminist *totally* contradicts chivalry...BUT that means that YOU need to do your part of the traditional role if he does. This is where it gets messy. Too many women go around acting like men but expecting to be treated like women. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way. From the sounds of it you are willing to take on the traditional expectations of women, so as long as you do that I guess there's no real issue. Edit: In that case I don't see a problem.

mr. chao

feminists are lesbians, and lesbians generally hate men, and so do feminists, so no, u couldn't be a feminist and believe in chivalry coz if you were a feminist you would think men are all evil

Chivalry is discrimination against men, My sister is a feminist . she believes in equality and equal rights, but she is a hypocrite, she complains if men don't give her there seat on the bus as if men are less worthy and second class. She also believes that only men should do dangerous life threatening jobs. But i don't consider my life to be less important than any woman's and i don't regard myself as women's personal slave to open doors for them and give up my seat, I wont even speak to my sister anymore and i haven't seen her for 3 years. I have no time for women who want equality that favours woman only and favouritism like chivalry . its disgusting.

hvap

I suggest you look into what feminists are today based on the rest of the world not from the mouth of a feminist many women openly critical of feminists today and nearly ever man is tired of beign told we are disgusting animals. while you are tied to a group that very openly blames men for the problems of the world. Also you are goign to find it hard to meet a guy that will treat you right. What you really need to do is let go of the hate feminism today is not what it was 10-20 years ago, today its hate directed at men plain and simple. Oh and yes you are right females are feminine males are masculine masculine literaly means Having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with men, esp. strength and aggressiveness. feminine is the same for women Why you would let a man (or woman) decide what you do? Its your own life live it your way, you are not clay to be shaped by somone else. you are a human being with a mind of your own and one life (unless your faith beleves in reincarnation) live your life your way you cant let somone else decide what you do or dont do. In a real relationship your partner will not decide things for you, while you may talk and decide things together at times, you are still different people in the end. and neither of you should want to change/control the other.

Brian

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