Why does my ex from nearly 6 years ago STILL get under my skin?
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I know this situation is going to come off very petty but I just wanted to get insight on this because to this day it still irritates me and I just don't want it to anymore. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years in my late teens (18/19) and we broke up when I was 20. I was young and dumb, and at the time I always knew him and I weren't totally compatible but I was afraid to let him go because before him, I had been with someone throughout my high school years and to be honest, I just didn't know how to be alone. Since him and I weren't doing COMPLETELY horribly, I held on. Of course things fell apart and we eventually broke up. I can't even remember what it was over because it was so long ago, but I do remember I broke up with him first but wanted to get back together and work it out. Thankfully, he was much stronger about it and kept insisting we were better apart and despite my actions (crying and trying to fix things) he held strong and moved on. Within a few months he was dating someone else and is now married to her. In the years that passed, I grew up. I finished college, moved out of the city we grew up in, established a career, traveled the world. After the break up, I allowed myself to stay out of serious relationships for almost 2 years. I eventually ended up meeting my now fiance toward the end of college, and I have to admit... him and I have an absolutely beautiful life together. I couldn't be more thankful for how things turned out. He is a very good and fun man with a very genuine heart. I have always felt like I could be myself with him and have never doubted whether or not we were good for each other. What I am trying to say is, I know everyone says that the best revenge is to have a great life. It was never my intention to get "revenge", but I do have a beautiful life and I am very well aware of it. So that bring me to my issue. For YEARS, my ex and his (now) wife talked trash about me. We come from an average-sized city that acts like a small town... and the word would always get back to me the things they were saying. She would post things on her various social media profiles that were obviously geared toward me and he would bring me up to people and mention how horrible our relationship was and tell people private information about me (which he also shared with his wife who loves to spread gossip). It went on for years. When we were in our early 20s, and I would hear about these things, naturally my friends would retaliate in small ways (because let's be real... that is what females do for their friends) but I always made it clear that I didn't want to get into anything with them because no matter how it played out, I would always look like the jealous ex-girlfriend who couldn't move on. But it was obvious that THEY were the ones who couldn't move on from me. Which was something that I still can never understand. Even after I moved, they still continued to try to make me look bad to mutual acquaintances and people who didn't even know me. He even did little things like added my sister (who he was never close to at all) on Facebook the day before he got married (which was his facebook status)... which we all figured it was so that she would tell me he was... getting married...lol? So for almost 3 years I let them talk trash about me until I finally confronted him via myspace message. He claimed that the only reason my name ever came up was because people would ask him how him and his wife met and so he had to mention me within this story. I let him know that I had nothing to do with how they met (as they met AFTER we broke up) and so mentioning me is completely irrelevant. We got into it for a little bit and I finally ended thread with something along the lines of my name never needing to come out of his mouth and wished him and his (then girlfriend) the best of luck. He didn't respond. Since then, I have told any mutual friends that I don't want to hear anything about them - even if they do talk about me. I am 26 now and am about to be married. I go back to my hometown often to visit my family and especially recently for wedding planning. While everyone has respected my wishes of not mentioning them, I still hear about them on occasion and see things about them from mutual friends on Facebook every so often. AND THEY IRRITATE ME. I don't know why. Something about them just crawls under my skin and pisses me off so much. Don't mistaken this for jealousy, because while they seemingly have a happy life, I know it wasn't one I would have wanted. And for that I am thankful that we didn't work out and that I have what I have. I don't wish anything ill on them, I j/want to not feel so much hatred toward them and I want to understand WHY in the world they put so much effort into making me look so bad all these years?
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Answer:
I read the first chapter but it will take me a couple of days to finish a book this long .
Elena at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source
Other answers
I had to take a break 1/2 way through, you wore me out. First off you are ticked because you realize what a giant disaster that relationship was and even after you KNEW it, you kept on trying. Then of course it ended as you knew it would. You have failed to forgive yourself for being an idiot, for allowing a dysfunctional relationship to continue past the point it should have. You aren't really mad at him you are mad at you. Welcome to the club of That Was a Giant Freaking Mistake How Could I Have Been So Stupid!. It's a club most of us end up in at some point, you are in good company. Give yourself a break you were 18/19, you did not know any better, now you do. You've grown up and learned from that relationship. In a way it actually helped you grow as a person, sounds weird I know, but if think about you you will probably see it. Had you not gone through that you would not be the person you are today. Unfortunately you are obviously in the same area and hang with some of the same people you used to, so it's a constant source of irritation because it's a constant reminder of your "mistake" Unless you move or completely change your friends you are going to have to just deal. I'd just let it go, every time you mention it it just adds fuel to the fire. And it sounds like you have done a pretty good job of that. Try to look at it as a positive, when you see him or them hear about them etc. just think, If it weren't for that experience I would not be me. Be grateful for the lesson, and that you learned early in life. Why did they want to cause you grief, they are immature simpletons with most likely nothing else to do. Why even worry about it or concern yourself with what they did or do. Like you said you wish them no ill, now pay them no mind. Forgive yourself......everything happens exactly as it should. It's just the way life works. Think about this if you had not gone through that experience would you be with the man you love today, the man you plan to marry? If you had ended the relationship earlier or later, would all of the events in your life leading to your future husband to be have happened? Good luck with your upcoming wedding!
holly ****! its like reading through a news paper!
You need to take a long look inside yourself, I believe that you might feel slighted by his rejection post breakup. Take a moment to think about how Silly and Laughable this whole situation is, two people with nothing else better to do than to slam you every chance they get. They really need to grow up and move on. You have a guy who you Love and really,really gets you, Enjoy your Life with Him. Good Luck!
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