What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

My fiance is addicted to online games and I think he also has social anxiety disorder. What can I do?

• Okay well first off me and my fiance have been through A LOT. We have been together since May 2009, he was my first love and we both lost our V cards to one another. For the first year of our relationship, I did not know he had any kind of gaming addiction because I had never came over his house and he never even told me about it. For the last two years however, a lot has changed. I have lived with him during these years and I notice a lot. The point is that it is drastically changing our relationship for the worse. He used to be soley addicted to an MMORPG called Runescape, he basically mastered that (99 everything plus a lot more) and now he is addicted to an online game called Quake, which he is very good at. But the thing is, we never do anything together. We have gone on one date in three years, he will go out places but that is just so he can drive (he likes to practice driving) and he basically is ready to go home as soon as we get there (unless it involves food). The only times he gets off the game are to use the bathroom, eat (and most of the time he eats while he plays), to drive somewhere, and occasionally to watch a movie. He sleeps an average amount, he will sleep up to 8-10 hours if he is not woken. But if he is woke up after 5 hours, he will usually get on the game instead of go back to sleep. I just recently turned 18, so I am trying to get us jobs and move out, we recently let my family back in our lives so I am trying to re-connect with them as well. When I talk about him getting a job, he says he can't do anything about it because his parents won't take him (he only has his permit but he is 19) but he never asks them to take him. If he let me, I could have us working within a month and out of the house by the end of the summer but I don't think he wants to work. When he is away from his computer, even for the weekend, he usually sleeps a lot. He does try to do other things when he can't get on the computer but he is always wanting to go back on it. I know he doesn't like people, he refuses to work as a cashier or anything that communicates with others too much. He doesn't like talking to anyone besides close family and most of the time he won't even talk to them. He thinks people are always looking at him and he will wear a hat and jacket in 100 degree weather. I don't get it, and I guess I shouldn't because we are opposites. I am 99 percent sure he has social anxiety disorder but he says he doesn't want to be on meds all his life. He won't go to a doctor even because he thinks it is pointless. I know he is addicted to his online games but to me it seems childish. We need to move out and start working and start our lives. It is making me distant from him because we can't talk about anything without him getting mad and I want to do things with him but I never can because he is too busy. I love him and I understand that things like this are not his fault but I don't know what to do. I want to be able to at least hang out with him once or twice a day, him work as well as me and both of use communicate with each other and our families. I see our future as me raising the kids, working, cleaning and cooking while he is on the computer. Is there anything I can do to help him with this? Please help. It is tearing me apart because I don't want to end up in a bad place. Thank you.

• Answer:

  As a former fellow Mmorpg gamer for many years, Online Addiction is a serious problem, you have to know your limit. Sounds like he is in pretty bad shape. Therapy individual and group is the best thing for it. he needs to hear how it destroys others lives and understand he has a problem. The hitch here is, he has to want to go. If he loves you as much as you clearly love him, he will make the effort. There is no shame in asking for help. The shame would be ignoring his problem and losing you and continue a downward spiral.