Would u disclose all personal secrets to the person ur getting married to?

I think that it's only fair. To not tell the person you're going to marry that you're drowning in debt or have serious medical issues would be lying. Even if you were able to trick someone, they'd find out eventually and divorce is very easy. There's someone out there for everyone. You should only settle for someone who accepts you as you are.

Couples should definitely discuss their personal financial situation before marriage since they will become involved in mutual debt after marriage. As for those dirty little secrets that some of us have, no reason to get into them if they won't affect your future life together.

There are some things that you can keep hidden, but the things that are going to directly impact the person should be revealed. Things such as debt, Sexually Transmitted Disease and health issues. But the things that do not immediately impact them, such as family life stories, will eventually come out, but don't need to be declared... Usually these types of things come out in general conversation over the time you are getting to know one another... If you are worried or thinking should I say anything, ask yourself would you like to know this information, if your partner was hiding it. There are a number of premarital counselling sessions, where a lot of this stuff is revealed and talked about prior to marriage and with the safety of a mediator.

If it makes them change their mind about marrying, then they weren't right for each other. My husband knew all there was to know about me before we were married. He knew what he was getting into. There were no surprises. I also knew all there was to know about him, everything that might make a person run. I was able to decide if I could handle it. I can't imagine learning it all afterward and wondering if we made the right decision to promise forever.

my dad cheated... that's my parents conflict, if it happens to come up, I trust my bf to keep them confidential debts, I would tell them as soon as I felt comfortable with them, because either he can work with that or he can't. Everyone has negative things going on, no one's perfect. You have to find the person who's flaws not only you can deal with, but who can also deal with your flaws.

Yes, and I did. I was very open with my husband, if I can't be honest with him, then we had no business getting married. He knows: I have an illigitimate brother as a result of an affair my dad had. I've had serious debt issues (though I was debt free when we met). Any health issues I had. How much money I made. How much assets I had. I had a daughter. I never graduated high school, but got a GED instead (I now have a masters degree). I knew how much money he made. I knew how much debt he had (mostly from medical school). I knew any health issues he had. I knew his parents were immigrants from Lebanon (legal). I knew how many sex partners he had.

If you are ok with it coming out when you get divorced.

You only need to disclose any personal health issues that my affect your lives together, ie serious diseases, infertility, etc. Any personal past sexual history, or exes, are none of their business. My wife was in a street gang when she was in high school. She has the scars from knife wounds all over her body, and from cigarette burns on her boobs, to show for it. I have now told you all that she has ever told me. And she told me that after I asked her about her scars. I met her after college after she had escaped from that life style. We have been married over 45 yrs. She has also never told me about any of her past relationships. She just says about all of that, "That was before you." I love her deeply, and respect her privacy. If she doesn't want to tell me, that's OK. I am curious, but will never ask again. She had been a fantastic lover and partner and a wonderful mother to our children. She had a long and successful career in nursing and was well respected for her skills and accomplishments. She does not want to relive the past and I think she feels that I will not think so highly of her if I know her past.

Personal secrets? Yeah. If you are getting married to that person, your life becomes theirs. If you aren't comfortable talking to the person you're getting married to, then you need to evaluate whether or not you should be getting married to them. A good marriage is built on communicaiton. That being said, there are some things you can hold back. Must be shared: You are in debt. Your debts will become theirs. While you don't need to disclose the actual dollar amount, simply stating that you are in debt and you are taking care of it is enough. The other person may worry that you want them to pay it off, but as long as you are open enough to share it's a good start. Can be kept secret: I had some medical problems when I was five. They don't effect me anymore and I'm fine now. Must be shared: Health conditions that effect you now. If you collapse because you're anemic, if you can't eat things cuz you're diabetic, or if you have an STD that will effect their life, you MUST share it. Can be kept secret: Your dad cheated on your mom. It doesn't effect your new partner's life. Well, not until you need to explain why your parents are getting a divorce and it starts to effect your new partner's life. For example, they've split up and now where are you spending christmas? If it's truly a loving relationship, the other person should listen. Those things should not effect what they think about you, and I can't think of anything that could completely call off a marriage - unless you have a secret love child somewhere. Choose your time and place. Don't drop a bomb like "hey baby, I have $20, 000 in student loans" at the dinner table. But, if they're saying "let's go on a vacation" and you keep saying no, eventually you need to say "because I'm paying off my debts and that's more important right now." It shows you have your priorities in order. Rather than go down a list of negative things, share some good and bad stories. Or, have a night of "Ok, before you marry me I think you should know..." Sign up for a pre-marriage course. They take you through all the things that should be talked about before the wedding. If it's truly a love relationship, things shouldn't be an obstacle. My husband and I got married, and then had The Talk. Sweetie, I have a mental disorder that causes me to have anxiety attacks and get up in the middle of the night. I have $20,000 in student debt I'm slowly paying off. I don't believe in abortion, and I want our kids to go to a French Immersion Catholic School. Now, it's your turn. Good luck. Take turns. Listen when it's your partner's turn.