For my UC personal statement should I what should I write about?

Can someone tell me what they think of my study abroad personal statement?

• I am applying for a study abroad program this summer in London and my GPA is a little low. They require a 2.5 and I have a 2.2. So I have to write a personal statement as to why my GPA is the way it is. Can someone please let me know what you think of my personal statement is? I have struggled academically because for a few reasons. One reason is because early in my college academic years, I experienced a death of a very close family member of mine which really hit hard on me. He had transitional cell carcinoma and I was doing everything possible to try to help him just stay alive. He was already in stage four when I found out and trying to get him to eat was a struggle. His sickness and his death really took a toll on my academics because I always there with him and I was deeply saddened after he died. I was in a state where I did not know what to do with myself for a very long time. The second reason why I struggled academically is because I lost focus in what I really wanted in my life. This year, it hit me that I have realized that my focus is to succeed in my field of Journalism. This is what I want to do with my life and I have passion for it. I have found that when I set a goal for myself and work toward it, I will be able to succeed. I have proved this in the fall quarter this past year when I made Dean’s List. My goal was to improve my GPA because I knew that it was low and I wanted to raise it up. Making Dean’s List made me feel exuberant about myself. I actually received a letter from the state of Ohio’s office that said congratulations for my academic achievement when I made Dean’s List this past Fall. Making Dean’s List was the best feeling in the world. I proved to myself that I can do anything, when I put my mind and heart into it. Now this past quarter, I did not make Dean’s List. I did receive mostly B’s, but I also received one F in American Political Science II. My explanation for this is because my Professor did not have any attendance grade for me at all last quarter. At the end of the quarter I was shocked that I received an F because I honestly thought that I did much better than that. So I asked my Professor why did I fail? He told me it was because he has no record that I ever showed up. This class is a huge class and so therefore we have clickers to clock ourselves in. I told him that I swore that I showed up to every single class and used my clicker to clock myself in. He told me that he had no record of my existence in the class, so he had to fail me and this is what brought my GPA down. I was very surprised because I am Minoring in Political Science and I exceed very well in it. I am going to be retaking that class in the fall semester of this year when they offer it again, but with a different Professor so I can replace my grade with A. As for right now, I am very focused on my studies because I want to achieve straight A’s this quarter. I am taking 18 credit hours and I am constantly studying because I want to study in London more than anything this summer. Along with the 18 credit hours, I am writing for the University of Cincinnati (UC) newspaper, The News Record. Since I am a Journalism major, I joined the school newspaper staff because I wanted to gain more experience in my field of study. I love to learn about new subjects and write articles about them. In fact, I have received a few compliments from editors and readers saying that they really liked my writing. For example, I chose to write about a few flash mobs that happened at UC. One of them was a Syrian Flash Mob and the other was a Civil Rights Flash Mob. What is going on in Syria right now and what happened with the Civil Rights movement really interests me. So, I pitched the idea to write a story about the two to my editor and she approved of it. When the story was published, many people including my editor told me that they really liked my story. Those compliments really mean a lot because those people who were involved with the flash mobs really want their voices to be heard and so do I. I had the passion to write about these stories and it really reflected in my writing. So, I know that when I put my heart and soul into something that I love and want to achieve, I can achieve it. Studying in London will help me broaden my horizons academically and culturally. London is a great city for me because I am a Journalism major and London has so much to offer in that field whether it is through BBC, The London Times, or even through The Sun (newspaper). I will be able to experience different types of people and experience the culture over there as well. By studying in London at Richmond University, it will not only look good on my resume, but I will be able to meet new people from all over the world who I could possibly network with in the future.

• Answer:

  Hello! I think your personal statement is REALLY GOOD! It made me feel bad! If I were the person in charge of making the decision if you can go or not I would let you! What I think the GPA is for is that if you have a low GPA it is rather hard to STUDY abroad. But for a summer program they should be more flexible on the GPA. If there is anything I would improve is more on WHY instead of sounding young and 'complain.' I am NOT saying your complaining I am saying they sound just A BIT more like excuses than reasons. But all in all, this is a good personal statement! I wish you good luck!