Why the line of defense for women using indirect communication?

You make it sound like every woman uses this form of communication, or even that most women do it. I despise indirect communication, too. And I can HONESTLY say I've gotten it more from men than women. There are plenty of times where I just want to shout "Just say what you mean!" But maybe women just tend to understand each other better, and men understand each other better. Maybe what you and I are considering to be "indirect communication" is really just miscommunication.

Sounds to me as though you practice indirectness yourself. Otherwise you would not have to be asking us?

Your tank is empty. You're getting light-headed and not making sense. Direct enough for ya?

I understand exactly what you mean, but both sexes are equally to blame with this technique as far as I'm concerned. For example, my mother was the master of the "silent treatment" when she was displeased about anything, and we'd have to beg her for forgiveness before she'd relent and speak to us again; but my husband is a pouter when he's angry. My cousin's husband was a pouter when he was angry as well. My dad gets silent too. I tend to do a bit of that, but not for hours on end like my mother did, and I certainly don't expect people to beg me for forgiveness! You are right, it is a definition of passive aggressiveness, and a way to control people to get them to do our bidding. It is also despicable behavior. We really should be above board and honest. with everyone in all our dealings.

My ex-husband liked to give people the silent treatment (he only started doing this AFTER we married), and was passive-aggressive as all get out. My ex-girlfriend was a screamer and was as direct as you can get. She started screaming after I moved in with her. I've met just as many passive-aggressive men as I have women. Both are immature and hateful. Both operate in the most manipulative way possible in the work place, in community and social groups and in families. Whether male or female, they all deny that they are manipulative. I agree with other posters, take a communication course, get some therapy to deal with this issue, take some anti-anxiety meds, but do something so you aren't obsessing about this night and day. You ask this question over and over and over and over and...let me guess how your mother and father communicate with each other...indirectly!