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How do i stop being so nice to people?

  • how do i stop wearing my heart on my sleeve? all my life even when i was little i would try and still befriends with some one that has done me wrong, i always wanted to believe that people just make mistakes and not believe that the ones i care about would be this hate full towards me. how do i teach my self not to care? Today when I was walking down the hallway during lunch I got hit in the back by one of my classmates. He started laughing and his friend was egging him on to hit me again. He's bigger than me so I couldnt have hit him back. he does the same thing to me in my 2nd period. Then when I went to 6th period another boy hit in me in the arm and everyone else just laughed, hes bigger than me too. If I tell somebody that thier doing this they will make fun of me and bother me more. but as far as relationships go. and friend ships how do i stop being a push over? how can i toughen up and stop letting people walk all over me? my dad my mom and sister always tell me im to nice and people treat me the way they do because i allow it. and that nice people finish last, but how can i stop being who i am? my grandma always tough me to treat people the way i want to be treated but that doesn't work. I don't want to start any fights with people so I don't argue and the are usually bigger than me. I'm nice to them and they turn around and talk about me and call me zit face. I even cried when a group of girls started yelling at me calling me pimple face and everyone started laughing. It ruined my whole day. I already have self esteem issues cuz of my acne. People at school always beg and take my school supplies and they beg for my food. These girls in almost all of my classes talk about me for no reason, and I havent done anything wrong. I'm nice to everybody. Every single day there's a kid in all of my classes asking me for paper and pencils. Some people even take things out of my pocket, when they don't ask, and I don't say anything. If I dont give them what they want they will be mean and talk about me, it bothers me cuz im sensitive and might cry later on. I don't want people to hate me or try to fight me if I say no or tell an adult. Most of the kids in my first 2 classes cheat off of me, I hate my first 2 classes and I think i'm starting to hate school.

  • Answer:

    First of all, don't change the way you are...if you are a nice person, then you are the kind of person most people want to be around. And don't think for a minute that nice people finish last...they actually finish FIRST. I guarantee it. Because, no one likes a smart-a$$, know-it-all person who picks on others. They don't like them in high school, and they don't like them in the workplace. But, there are some things going on here that have gotten out of control. Now it's time to take that control and put it in your hands. You can do it...there's a way to be a nice person, but you have to toughen up when you need to. Don't worry...it doesn't mean you will change or that you won't be the nice girl anymore....it does mean that people will back off, once they get the message. If kids are begging for your food and school supplies, you MUST tell them: GET YOUR OWN FOOD, and GET YOUR OWN SUPPLIES!!! When they try to take something from your pocket or jacket, purse, tell them and be firm: THAT'S NOT YOURS. Look them directly in the face when you say it. They will be caught off guard, because they won't expect you to say such a thing. You CANNOT let them keep taking things....in fact, this is why it is continuing...because you have let them just take things from you. Well, the party is over. You have to protect yourself and what's yours. You have to come up with things to say, but be quick to do it, and be as quick as possible. Don't let things drag on, and don't continue to argue. The next time someone comes NEAR your pocket or purse, look at them, and tell them "BACK OFF" and then keep walking. When you toughen up on the outside, you will have more confidence. As for your pimples and acne, trust me, one day it will be gone, but when you're way past 40 you'll have the complexion of a teenager!! Ha ha!!! Some people get oily skin and pimples, and it WILL go away and you WILL have younger looking skin when everyone else's looks like a crummy old baseball glove. You should try some of the good skin care cleansers and treatments for your skin type, as it's a lot better then back when I had pimples and oily skin! It can really help. So listen.....like I said, you can still be the nice girl, but you can't let whatever those losers say bother you. Because really, they are losers who don't do anything worthwhile with their time. Would you really care what they say about you? I didn't think so. I'm hearing a lot of this going on in school lately....and really, there's something wrong with a lot of these kids. Their parents did NOT teach them to be nice people, and if they did, they wouldn't be poking around in your pocket and calling you names. You are the better person. Sometimes you just have to ignore those bozos, and other times you have to put them in their place. You can, however, continue to care about people. There is a balance that is sometimes hard to find, for anyone no matter what their age. The thing to remember is that most people are kind, but others are losers and scam artists....when you get older you'll have to learn not to trust everyone, unfortunately that's just the way things are now. Be nice to to others, but don't trust everyone. Now is the time for you to stand up for yourself and tell them ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Good luck, you're 100 x better than any of them!!

Nicole at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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I know you wont like this answer, but here it goes. You have a gift. Obviously, not all people are good, but there are a lot of good people out there. I have lived my life being mean and never trusting people and I am so miserable. I know its hard, but try and stay the way you are, it is a beautiful thing. You don't want to be like me and my anger and hatred towards people with a bottle of scotch in my hand. Be strong friend, I wish you the best of luck.

Trolls Gone Wild

eventually all of those ill feelings will burst out. youll just have to wait for the right time. its about time you ask yourself who you truly are. are you just gonna allow them to do that to you? its ruining your life and youre there right now typing and asking random people from the net for opinions. this random person here thinks that you are a beautiful person and you deserve to be treated better. find friends who are true to you and will stick with you and protect you no matter what. otherwise, dont get discouraged. you have been so strong and youre still standing there and not letting those people bring you down. pick yourself up, put your foot down and draw the last straw. :) you dont have to care what other people say about you. let them think whatever they want. who cares right? what matters is that you feel good about yourself, youre happy, youre friends are happy. if youre friends hang out with you only because you help them all the time then they are not true friends. theyre just one of those users. ok? :) stay strong. :) take care and God Bless. :) im just a random person from the internet but ill be more than happy to keep you company if you would like. good luck!

icriedherariver

Hi Nicole: There is a difference between being nice in society, and being a pushover. You should report the boys who hit you in the hall. I think it very likely that your school will do something about it as there is a nationwide drive to stop bullying in school at the moment. There are a few things you need to realize in life, and the first one is, that you as a person, matter. Your thoughts matter, your opinions matter, your feelings matter. You should treat YOU how you would like to be treated. It's important to respect others but you must first respect yourself. Some people are more altruistic in life than others, and they have the notion that others think the same way as they do, so they do things for others expecting others to do the same in return. There are some problems with this type of thinking though. First of all, some people really aren't all that altruistic and tend to be fairly selfish. This isn't really a good thing and I would not aim to be this way. Others have a degree of altuism, but they aren't unreasonably altruistic. What I mean by that is, very altruistic people such as yourself reflect all of their emotions on others and expect others to be on the same page, and reciprocate. But to have such expectations to such a strong degree is actually unfair to others, because they are unaware of what you expect. Another thing you should be aware of is....humans aren't psychic. When you meet someone for the first time, all the information they know about you had to be conveyed to them. When you meet someone for the first time who previously knew nothing about you, all the information they use to form an idea of who you are comes from...you. How you dress, how you talk, how you act, how you carry yourself, etc. When people meet you for the first time, they don't know if you are a leader or follower, outgoing or shy, a pushover, or have self respect. YOU tell them all of that. You define who you are and you also have the responsibility of letting others know where your boundaries are. If I'm always late to dinner with a friend and it bothers them but they never say anything about it, how am I supposed to know to stop being late? They are getting mad at me and I have no idea because they have decided to keep this information from me. My friend is not being fair to me, and my friend is not being fair to themselves either because there's no reason they should have to put up with that if it bothers them. So report the bullies. Don't let people take things from you. Say something next time, like "Don't take my stuff." Don't be afraid to share your opinion sometimes. Why are you less entitled than anyone else? And last, stop being afraid to demand people respect you as a person. If you express you have boundaries from the beginning, people will treat you better and not worse.

justwondering

Here I'll tell you my story first: I was in 3th grade at a public school and was planning on leaving the next year and I told a couple people and then everybody knew. There was this on girl (no names let's call her JILL) "JILL" and she always tried to make my friends hate me. She told one of them I was always saying mean things about them. But I wasn't this was part of the reason I was going to a new school. Mind you every year I was there I tried to make friends with her. So the last day of school she says of well "Guess what!!" she was going to the same school as me. (It was like "JILL" was stalking me) Then she did the same thing there and every now and then she would be friendly and I would try to be her friend and then she'd say something about me behind my back. Half way into 6th grade at the new school I switched again because of her and other reasons. Now I have new friend and I'm happy as can be. OK now your question. Well if they cheat off you here is what you do stay after the period until everyone in class is gone and talk to your teacher tell I don't want to get these people in trouble but I don't want to get in trouble my self so can we have a change in seats? She will agree and thank you for telling her. Ask to not same anyone's name when switching seat she will most likely agree to that too. OK now about the hitting. That needs to stop now!! Tell the boys stop. Three times if they don't tell a teacher you are comfortable with make sure you get the teacher alone. I hope my story answer your question because I am the same person I was then you just have to SURROUND your self in the best people you know. Hope that helps Ckpuppers

Ckpuppers

**** the haters they will just hate kids at my high school do it to but i just ignore it because im going to be somebody in life tif i keep fighting they will just keep laughing and keep coming back i just brush them off my shoulders http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz_-VaTHpc8

curious

it will never be better unless u tel someone and get help who cares what other people think its what you think and that all that matters hope i helped

hey hey whats up

Easy. It's not nice to slap someone in the face is it?...I don't think so. There you go.

Crum

You need to tell them that you don't appreciate what you don't appreciate. If further action is required then you have to deal with that when it happens but most people will respect you if you are just straight forward with them. Sometimes people like you and they will 'mess' with you. You can usually tell the difference between friends messing with you and people picking on you. There is nothing wrong with being nice but being nice does not mean tolerating being picked on.

Listen to your heart

you sound alot like me. i am twenty one years old and have been a door mat all of my life. my mother raised me to be very nice and treat those how i want to be treated. This has not always worked for me. I have been taken advantage of by those who i though were my friends. It seems to me you have something these other stupid kids dont. maturity. You see that what they are doing is wrong. Something they wont realize until they are way older and probably alot more stupid. Your first step, is to stand up for yourself. DO NOT let people push u around. It seems like some people already do not like you, so then you have nothing to lose. Grab your things back from them. Tell on boys if they hit you, and let the teacher know you are scared to tell on them because you feel threatened. Hitting is a serious offense. More importantly say, NO, when you want to say no. Not being yourself and speaking your mind can be very hurtful and make someone very sensitive. If you have to leave the school, I would say go for it. Now this does not mean they have won, and your defeated. This just gives you an opportunity to start fresh and really be who you are without being judged for past situations. You also need to not hold these feelings inside. Seeing a school counsler would really help as well. When I was younger, I left my school because I felt like it was very clicky, and I wanted to be friends with everyone, but then you were not popular. When I left I closed the door on the old amy who was a door mat and stood up for myself. I still have friends from that school and i am married with a child and live hundreds of miles away from where i grew up. From reading the things that you wrote, I can tell that you are a beautiful bright girl. People who have problems with themselves pick on others. You can even tell those kids to take a good look in the mirror if they think there perfect, cuz we all know they are not. Hang in there, but do NOT handle this alone!

amy s

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